Today I was reminded once again how similar my life is to a year ago—different situations but parallel in circumstance. Last year on this exact day, the last Monday in March, someone's decision made me mad. Okay not mad. Furious. Outraged. Tasmanian devil, hair on fire, incensed at what had just unfolded. (Someone once asked my sister if she was always happy. She responded, "90% of the time." "What about the other 10%?" "You don't want to see that 10%." That's where I was. At the 10%.) It took me THREE days to calm down! It may have continued longer than that, but the Lord was looking out for me. I was shopping at the Outlets in Park City, standing in GAP, when I heard a voice. "Thamina, either you trust me or you don't." I stopped. What? It came again. "Either you trust me or you don't." I stopped for a second. Realized the simplicity of the statement. Exhaled. And released all anger with that breath. I trusted the Lord. I made some decisions that day that forever changed my life.
We don't get many opportunities in life to have a do-over or a second chance at something, but I found myself in a parallel situation. Someone's actions had an effect on me and I got another shot to "try again." Instead of reacting quickly, I took a moment for me. I thought about what I really wanted, what outcome I was hoping for, and what I needed to do to get that result. I care about this person and didn't want to be mad, even though I had every right to be. I read my scriptures seeking guidance, and I was filled with compassion and kindness as I read about the atonement and the infinite mercy of our Lord and Savior (Thank-you Alma!). I knew then how to respond. Still not sure of the outcome. We'll see on this one. But I'm grateful I had a chance to act differently.
Life is My Adventure
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Tender Mercies
We all have times in our life when we hit a wall and just don't know how to keep going. That is me right now. I'm exhausted with all that has happened the past two years of MBA school. Everything from accounting and finance classes to dating to internships to being engaged to breaking off the engagement to finding a job to getting sick week after week to planning my life. I'm worn out. The past few days I had given up. I skipped a group meeting and watched basketball with a friend and took a nap instead. I let important things slip like reading my scriptures. (This one really is brilliant. I bought a nice set of leather scriptures since my cheap set was quite worn and even had a bout with a paper shredder. My problem was (yes I know this is lame) I wanted to mark my new set but with the "right" colors and pencils and pens with the "right" topics. I hadn't found exactly what I wanted so I put it off day after day.) My actions definitely were not consistent with my values and beliefs.
Today a rebuke came in the form of tender mercies. I woke up not wanting to go to my ward. It wasn't church I was avoiding. Just my ward. I decided to go to stake conference in Gunnison. I walked in and saw my dad who lit up at the sight of me. I needed to see that love. The talks that were given all hit questions that were in my mind. One particular point was the powerful affect of women in the lives of others. Each speaker seemed to say something about the importance of women. I felt very distinctly the need to make a few course corrections to make sure I am a woman of influence, a woman of virtue, a woman of faith. I need to make sure I am lifting and building others and to make sure that the light of Christ is reflected in my countenance. Another point was the power of forgiveness in all its forms. I have made some choices in my life that many attribute as irrational. They don't understand why I have made these choices. The Lord knows and I felt overwhelming peace when reflecting on those decisions. One final tender mercy was the visiting authority. At the last moment the schedule changed and Elder Spencer J. Condie of the Seventy came instead of another member of the Seventy. I connected with a talk he gave years ago. Seeing and hearing him speak today reminded me that God knows me and God does remember his promises. I spoke with Elder Condie after the conference and once again, I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace from the Spirit of the Lord.
This morning I awoke with a weight on my heart and dread in my soul. This evening I feel hope in the future. Hope in the power of repentance. Hope in the miracle of forgiveness and the atonement. Hope in the knowledge that the Lord knows and remembers me. The Lord knew I needed to be in Gunnison today and when I wake up tomorrow, my resolve is to punch through that wall or climb over it or blast it to pieces or something. I won't let the uncertainties of life defeat me. I won't let the easiness of the way slow my pace. I won't let the stumbling blocks trip me. I will persevere because I have the help of the Lord.
PS - I pulled out the old, beat-up Book of Mormon a few days ago. I testify that reading the Book of Mormon daily gives us power to do all things.
Today a rebuke came in the form of tender mercies. I woke up not wanting to go to my ward. It wasn't church I was avoiding. Just my ward. I decided to go to stake conference in Gunnison. I walked in and saw my dad who lit up at the sight of me. I needed to see that love. The talks that were given all hit questions that were in my mind. One particular point was the powerful affect of women in the lives of others. Each speaker seemed to say something about the importance of women. I felt very distinctly the need to make a few course corrections to make sure I am a woman of influence, a woman of virtue, a woman of faith. I need to make sure I am lifting and building others and to make sure that the light of Christ is reflected in my countenance. Another point was the power of forgiveness in all its forms. I have made some choices in my life that many attribute as irrational. They don't understand why I have made these choices. The Lord knows and I felt overwhelming peace when reflecting on those decisions. One final tender mercy was the visiting authority. At the last moment the schedule changed and Elder Spencer J. Condie of the Seventy came instead of another member of the Seventy. I connected with a talk he gave years ago. Seeing and hearing him speak today reminded me that God knows me and God does remember his promises. I spoke with Elder Condie after the conference and once again, I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace from the Spirit of the Lord.
This morning I awoke with a weight on my heart and dread in my soul. This evening I feel hope in the future. Hope in the power of repentance. Hope in the miracle of forgiveness and the atonement. Hope in the knowledge that the Lord knows and remembers me. The Lord knew I needed to be in Gunnison today and when I wake up tomorrow, my resolve is to punch through that wall or climb over it or blast it to pieces or something. I won't let the uncertainties of life defeat me. I won't let the easiness of the way slow my pace. I won't let the stumbling blocks trip me. I will persevere because I have the help of the Lord.
PS - I pulled out the old, beat-up Book of Mormon a few days ago. I testify that reading the Book of Mormon daily gives us power to do all things.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
One of Those Days
Today I was not my best self. It came from a combination of factors including final exams, stress, exhaustion, and hormones. When I have days like this, I say to myself, "You're better than this. Why did you react that way? Why did you say that?" For some reason no matter how hard I try, the nasty side of me comes out. Unfortunately for one of the undergrads I TA, he found me right at the peak of my irrationality. I've already sent an apology.
Today I needed a timeout. A timeout from studying. A timeout from being single. A timeout from making decisions that I don't have answers to or direction for yet. A timeout from being me. Gratefully my sister and her husband let me use their place as a timeout. I was able to get one of my final two papers completed. My nephew saw I was upset and made me a Christmas card. When I came home, my fabulous visiting teacher stopped to see me.
Today I learned that even though I make mistakes and feel that others make mistakes towards me, life isn't over. Hope keeps us moving. Hope that when we wake up in the morning, the craziness we feel will have dissipated. Hope that others will forgive us for becoming defensive and reacting instead of stopping to think through the situation. Hope that the atonement of Christ really does help us overcome being human.
Today I was not my best self. I hope to be better tomorrow.
Today I needed a timeout. A timeout from studying. A timeout from being single. A timeout from making decisions that I don't have answers to or direction for yet. A timeout from being me. Gratefully my sister and her husband let me use their place as a timeout. I was able to get one of my final two papers completed. My nephew saw I was upset and made me a Christmas card. When I came home, my fabulous visiting teacher stopped to see me.
Today I learned that even though I make mistakes and feel that others make mistakes towards me, life isn't over. Hope keeps us moving. Hope that when we wake up in the morning, the craziness we feel will have dissipated. Hope that others will forgive us for becoming defensive and reacting instead of stopping to think through the situation. Hope that the atonement of Christ really does help us overcome being human.
Today I was not my best self. I hope to be better tomorrow.
Monday, November 23, 2009
AOG - Day 23
1- I am grateful when a class is canceled that I didn't want to go to that day. Makes for a happy day when I am experiencing burnout.
2- I am grateful for people who make me laugh! The world is more fun when we make others laugh.
3- I am grateful for the ability to learn, grow, and change. The eternal mercy and grace that comes from the atonement humbles me and teaches me how to be a better person. It also teaches me the power of forgiveness...forgiving myself and forgiving others. What a powerful gift in my life!
2- I am grateful for people who make me laugh! The world is more fun when we make others laugh.
3- I am grateful for the ability to learn, grow, and change. The eternal mercy and grace that comes from the atonement humbles me and teaches me how to be a better person. It also teaches me the power of forgiveness...forgiving myself and forgiving others. What a powerful gift in my life!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
AOG - Day 8
1- I am grateful for nieces and nephews. I am really glad they are old enough to play games that are fun for me too.
2- I am grateful for homemade food. Too often I rely on processed foods to help me as I run from one activity to another. A good home-cooked meal is greatly appreciated.
3- I am grateful for the little mistakes we make in life because they help us avoid the big mistakes that could come later if we didn't change after the little ones.
2- I am grateful for homemade food. Too often I rely on processed foods to help me as I run from one activity to another. A good home-cooked meal is greatly appreciated.
3- I am grateful for the little mistakes we make in life because they help us avoid the big mistakes that could come later if we didn't change after the little ones.
Friday, November 6, 2009
AOG - Day 6
1- I am grateful for forgiveness. That even when I mess up and make mistakes, people overlook my weaknesses. Hopefully with forgiveness comes second chances.
2- I am grateful that my presentation went well today.
3- I am grateful for friends who listen to me vent. Sometimes I don't make sense and I feel like a psycho crazy girl but they listen and love me anyway.
2- I am grateful that my presentation went well today.
3- I am grateful for friends who listen to me vent. Sometimes I don't make sense and I feel like a psycho crazy girl but they listen and love me anyway.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Natural Man
Do you ever do something and afterward think, why did I do that? It drives me crazy that even when I know better, I don't always make the smart choice. How do we combat this natural man tendency? How do we allow the atonement to change us and strengthen us so we stop giving into the deceits of the adversary? I'm bothered that I haven't figured it all out yet.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Challenge to Become
One of my favorite talks is "The Challenge to Become" by Elder Oaks. His words touched my heart and made such an impression that the phrase "Challenge to Become" is the banner heading on my cell phone.
"From such teachings we conclude that the Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become."
The underlying principles that this phrase evokes in me are the importance of obedience and repentance. Studying these two principles has produced significant insights and knowledge over the years, but reading a friend's blog today resulted in greater understanding about the power of repentance. My friend referenced a talk in church and the speaker happened to post the foundation for his talk online. The post is titled A Fresh View of Repentance.
The essence of the speaker's talk was that there are two kinds of repentance: reactive repentance and proactive repentance. He writes:
The "classic" definition of repentance can be summarized in the following way: "feel sorry for your mistakes and stop making them". It is, in a very real way, a process of surgery - attempting to cut out and discard the "bad" from within us, so that we will stop making mistakes. ... Repentance IS a process of change that involves ridding ourselves of those tendencies that keep us from being Christ-like. It DOES include gaining control over those things that cause our transgressions. But ... reconciling to God is a process of acquiring the characteristics listed by Jesus as leading to perfection - adding them to your character - NOT cutting out pieces of yourself and assuming the holes will be filled somehow.
He then gives this example to explain the difference between reactive repentance and proactive repentance:
If you struggle with a temper that manifests itself through yelling at your kids, you can try to "overcome" this tendency in one of two ways. You can take the classic approach and exert tremendous effort to recognize when you are about to lose it and, in that moment, exert even more effort to control that tendency by suppressing it - assuming that if you suppress it often enough you will gain total control over it. The problem is that the temper has not been eliminated; it simply has been suppressed, which means it still is there. When that effort to suppress fails and the temper flares again, you feel like a failure, since your effort couldn't stop the outburst.
On the other hand, with a different VIEW (of repentance), you can look more deeply than just at the manifestation (your temper) and focus on the cure (becoming poor in spirit) in ALL aspects of your life. You can focus on the character trait that Jesus has identified as part of becoming perfect (in this case, poor in spirit) and allow Him to help you rid yourself of the underlying cause of the action. You repent by giving Him your burden (a temper) and agreeing to carry his yoke instead (walking humbly with Him). You repent by giving Him your heart and letting Him change your actions. You repent by forgetting about what you want to do and accepting what He wants you to do. You repent by ceasing to try to lessen who you are (eliminate part of yourself) and allowing Him to increase who you are (adding perfecting characteristics). In short, you repent by "losing (your view of) yourself" and "finding (His view of) yourself".
I now have a different view of repentance which has helped me focus my goals on the things the Savior taught. Hopefully all of us can become more like our Savior by giving our heart to Him and letting His atonement change us.
"From such teachings we conclude that the Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become."
The underlying principles that this phrase evokes in me are the importance of obedience and repentance. Studying these two principles has produced significant insights and knowledge over the years, but reading a friend's blog today resulted in greater understanding about the power of repentance. My friend referenced a talk in church and the speaker happened to post the foundation for his talk online. The post is titled A Fresh View of Repentance.
The essence of the speaker's talk was that there are two kinds of repentance: reactive repentance and proactive repentance. He writes:
The "classic" definition of repentance can be summarized in the following way: "feel sorry for your mistakes and stop making them". It is, in a very real way, a process of surgery - attempting to cut out and discard the "bad" from within us, so that we will stop making mistakes. ... Repentance IS a process of change that involves ridding ourselves of those tendencies that keep us from being Christ-like. It DOES include gaining control over those things that cause our transgressions. But ... reconciling to God is a process of acquiring the characteristics listed by Jesus as leading to perfection - adding them to your character - NOT cutting out pieces of yourself and assuming the holes will be filled somehow.
He then gives this example to explain the difference between reactive repentance and proactive repentance:
If you struggle with a temper that manifests itself through yelling at your kids, you can try to "overcome" this tendency in one of two ways. You can take the classic approach and exert tremendous effort to recognize when you are about to lose it and, in that moment, exert even more effort to control that tendency by suppressing it - assuming that if you suppress it often enough you will gain total control over it. The problem is that the temper has not been eliminated; it simply has been suppressed, which means it still is there. When that effort to suppress fails and the temper flares again, you feel like a failure, since your effort couldn't stop the outburst.
On the other hand, with a different VIEW (of repentance), you can look more deeply than just at the manifestation (your temper) and focus on the cure (becoming poor in spirit) in ALL aspects of your life. You can focus on the character trait that Jesus has identified as part of becoming perfect (in this case, poor in spirit) and allow Him to help you rid yourself of the underlying cause of the action. You repent by giving Him your burden (a temper) and agreeing to carry his yoke instead (walking humbly with Him). You repent by giving Him your heart and letting Him change your actions. You repent by forgetting about what you want to do and accepting what He wants you to do. You repent by ceasing to try to lessen who you are (eliminate part of yourself) and allowing Him to increase who you are (adding perfecting characteristics). In short, you repent by "losing (your view of) yourself" and "finding (His view of) yourself".
I now have a different view of repentance which has helped me focus my goals on the things the Savior taught. Hopefully all of us can become more like our Savior by giving our heart to Him and letting His atonement change us.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Gratitude - Day 13
1. I am grateful for friends who like to disrupt me during class. Yesterday, my friend started a video chat with me. Both of us were in the middle of class, but the hilarity of the situation made my day better. As for video chat, it already has a warm place in my heart because it connects me to those I don't always get to see personally.
2. I am grateful I can laugh with MBA friends. My 1st year girlfriends and I went out to eat and had a great time laughing about our experiences and failures thus far. Many of us feel inadequate and under qualified to be in the program but the unity created last night will help carry us through together.
3. I am grateful for the ability to "try-again". When my sister Lucille disciplines her son, he goes to time-out until he is ready to try again. Sometimes it takes a while before he calms down enough for that to happen. But then, you hear this innocent voice saying, "Mommy, I try again?" I am grateful that in our relationships with friends and family we don't get just one try. Those that are most important to us, allow us to "try again" knowing we are all constantly learning and growing.
2. I am grateful I can laugh with MBA friends. My 1st year girlfriends and I went out to eat and had a great time laughing about our experiences and failures thus far. Many of us feel inadequate and under qualified to be in the program but the unity created last night will help carry us through together.
3. I am grateful for the ability to "try-again". When my sister Lucille disciplines her son, he goes to time-out until he is ready to try again. Sometimes it takes a while before he calms down enough for that to happen. But then, you hear this innocent voice saying, "Mommy, I try again?" I am grateful that in our relationships with friends and family we don't get just one try. Those that are most important to us, allow us to "try again" knowing we are all constantly learning and growing.
Gratitude - Day 12
1. I am grateful for the temple which brings peace and understanding in an uncertain world.
2. I am grateful for the ability to feel a range of emotions. I have heard people describe their lives as numb. Though I may feel the bitter, I also experience the sweet joy that at times is indescribable.
3. I am grateful for the forgiveness of others.
2. I am grateful for the ability to feel a range of emotions. I have heard people describe their lives as numb. Though I may feel the bitter, I also experience the sweet joy that at times is indescribable.
3. I am grateful for the forgiveness of others.
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