I'm sitting here on my last night of Thanksgiving vacation enjoying the BYU basketball game online and the Stanford v. Notre Dame football game on the TV. No, I'm not a big Stanford or Notre Dame fan. But I do like a good football game and it's halftime at the basketball game. While enjoying the two games, I wanted to record some reflections I have been having.

The past few days have been really nice. I haven't had to worry about planning and preparing dinner (Thanks Mom!) or wake up to an alarm clock. I would wake up when I wanted to. Work out when I wanted to. And eat when I wanted to. It's been so nice compared to the daily grind I usually face. Christmas lights have been put up at my parents' house and my favorite time of year has started.

I'll be honest, I'm nervous. I'm making a move from a place that is comfortable and predictable to a place where I have no guarantees. I wonder if I should have waited until after Christmas to move but then remind myself that I couldn't stay where I was any longer. Too anxious feeling like I was sitting still. I needed to feel like I was moving forward and doing all without really knowing what all was or is.

I am grateful for the need to press forward with faith and this past year has been the epitome of moving forward into the darkness while seeking the light and the path the Lord needs me to follow. At times I have been downtrodden and worn out both physically and emotionally, and then the light would appear. The Lord strengthened me to keep going. Going where, I wasn't quite sure. But He has fulfilled His promise to me that He would lead be my by the hand. Many times I have felt carried.

Corrie ten Boom tells the story of learning the importance of gratitude from her sister Betsy during their imprisonment at Ravensbruck Concentration Camp. Betsy reminded Corrie that they needed to express their gratitude in all things including the fleas. Corrie could not even to begin to fathom being grateful for the fleas. Yet she expressed gratitude for the fleas. Every day they were able to hold Bible study and teach those around them. They couldn't figure out why the guards never interrupted their study. Then one day Betsy figured it out. The guards did not enter the barracks because of the fleas. The very things that agitated the girls and made their bodies itch were the very things that protected their Bible study.

So this day, I am grateful for the "fleas" in my life. Those things that agitate me. That get under my skin. That somehow compel me to keep trying, to look for the positive, and to teach me how to be a better disciple of Christ.

I am grateful for the rewards of a hard day's work. I am grateful for the insights the Lord gives me about my life. I am grateful for the beautiful words others have given me to read. Here is a favorite passage from C.S. Lewis.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly be broken...Christ did not teach and suffer in order that we should become more cautious of our own happiness, even in our natural loves. If a man is not uncalculating, and in that way reckless in loving his earthly beloveds whom he has seen, how will he be in his love for God, whom he has not seen? We should draw nearer to the love of God, not by attempting to avoid the sufferings inherent in any love, but by accepting them and offering them to him, by throwing away all defensive armor, taking all risks, descending when he so wills, into all tribulations."
--CS Lewis, The Four Loves

I am grateful for the Relief Society lesson we had in church. The sister who taught it was asked to teach yesterday after the regular teacher became sick. The lesson and examples given were exactly what I needed to hear. Now the challenge. Taking the leap of faith and trusting the Lord completely. I'm beginning to understand a bit what Nephi felt. He was told to get the Brass Plates. He had tried everything he could think of and was even beaten for his persistence. Now he is standing at the gates of Jerusalem saying, "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. Nevertheless, I went forth." I've been told multiple times "Don't worry. Everything will work out." Earthly perspective tells me I'm a fool. But I know. I know what the Spirit has whispered and confirmed to me. So following the example of Nephi, I'm going forth. Taking that leap of faith. Trusting the Lord that all He has revealed to me will come even though I see no possible way for it to happen. He does. And that's what matters to me. That I am being guided by a loving Heavenly Father who sees and knows all things. As long as I am obedient and faithful, I will not be led astray. How truly glorious is our Father and Savior Jesus Christ.

I am grateful for a day of rest and to be spiritual nourished by prophets of God. I love that these messages are easily accessible and I can listen to them on my computer, in the car, and on my phone. They bring me peace in times of uncertainty.

I am grateful for Christmas music. Today I have been working on importing all my classical cds and Christmas music on my Mac. My niece and I listened to the "Radio Christmas" on Saturday while driving. I was so disappointed in the selection. Now that I have my favorites on my phone, I can enjoy the best out there.

Giving Up

Tonight I was ready to give up. Too tired to try anymore. I was emotionally spent and had nothing left to give. I explained this to the Lord. That I had done everything I knew how to do and had given all I had. I didn't know how to give anything else. The only thing left for me to do was place all my worries in His hands and trust Him completely.

Oh how the Lord blessed me! The tender mercies of the Lord strengthened me tonight while I was serving in the temple. One girl sat next to me at dinner and a really positive conversation resulted from this. Then I saw the mother of a friend of mine. When I introduced myself, she complimented me and related uplifting comments from her son. I ran into the wife of another friend and my conversation with her just added more peace and comfort to my wearied soul.

Nothing has changed really. Circumstances and situations have not been altered. But I have been changed. The Lord knew I needed a little more faith and hope tonight. He strengthened me so I could continue to endure. How grateful I am for the power of the personal prayer, the power of priesthood covenants, the power of the atonement.

All Things Shall Give Thee Experience

Dear Friend,
Yesterday, I received some exciting news that I had been waiting and hoping for, and I wanted to tell you. Corda, a growing tech company, offered me a full-time position as a marketing project manager! I will be responsible for or working on their email, social media, and event marketing. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Getting here hasn’t been easy, but the Lord has guided me every step of the way.

You may remember Corda. Back in September, I randomly interviewed for a marketing position with them. Somehow the job mistakenly was placed on the MBA job board. When I interviewed, the team wondered why I was there. I explained how I found the job. They smiled and informed me it was an entry level position, and I knew I was overqualified. I didn't worry about it because I was working at BYU and had hopes for something to work out there. As you know, nothing did.

Then, the joy of finding something in December. I felt the hand of the Lord guiding me there, but if you remember, even after the first few days, I wasn't sold. They had signed me under contract through March and something inside me wondered if I would really be there longer than that.

Things were going well, until I turned down the New York position. Then an HR department’s worst nightmare came true. Some things happened that would make a great HBS case study. And it wasn't just with me. I also realized I had sold myself short. I recognized that I didn't really believe I could hold an MBA position even though I had an MBA degree. I know. It sounds silly. But I had to come to that realization and I had to fight for me.

So began the search. I started pursuing what I really wanted: a marketing tech job. I targeted many companies including Corda. Things in September ended amicably and I had nothing to lose.

February was crazy! I commuted, I worked for Allen, I continued work with BYU, and I interviewed for jobs. Needless to say, I was exhausted (as you could tell from reading my blog).

I hadn’t heard from Corda and had given up on them. Finally, their Director of Marketing emailed me and asked me to come in for an interview. It went really well! I was surprised how well! They invited me in for a second round. Once again, the interviews went smoothly. To be honest, I felt confident they would extend an offer.

Then the trial. Almost a week went by before I heard from them again. The DoM wanted references. Another week. Finally after two weeks, I emailed him in the polite business rhetoric we were taught. The DoM called and told me that they weren’t interviewing anyone else for the position, but were being delayed in extending an offer to me because of an internal need for software engineers. More waiting. March is ending and I’m wondering what to do. Do I sign another contract with Allen? Do I hope they offer me a full-time job? Will Corda really be able to hire me?

The waiting became nerve-wracking. Then disheartening. Then discouraging. I needed some reprieve. I kept doing the things I knew should, and I knew the Lord was still there guiding and directing me. I knew the principle of equal and opposite temptation and that before great moments in life adversity, opposition, and darkness can come. I knew the scripture that if we “never should have bitter [we] could not know the sweet.” Yet, I felt lost and alone.

Gratefully, my parents’ stake conference was that weekend. Elder Nelson and Elder Leavitt, an area seventy, were there to reorganize the stake presidency. (Yes, my dad was released.) Feeling the love of an apostle for me, my family, and our whole stake was just what I needed to keep going.

I decided that no matter what happened, I would trust the Lord. He had guided me this far and had constantly told me not to worry and that everything would work out. On Wednesday, my manager called me in to offer me a new role. Just as I was settling into the idea that I would be staying at Allen, the phone rang. It was Corda.

Even as I write this story I am amazed at the miraculous events that have taken place. It has been a long road but I never would have guessed in September that this is where my job search would lead to. All things really do give us experience. I hope the things I have learned about business and leadership and myself will help me be successful in this new role. If anything, I have an added amount of confidence in my own abilities and in the Lord, and that never would have come without this. The Lord has truly blessed me and I am eternally grateful.

As always,
T-

Range of Emotions

The range of human emotions amazes me especially when they are all happening at once inside of me. For the most part, I describe myself as a hopeful and passionate person. I have a fiery spirit within me that loves to laugh, to interact with others, and to experience new adventures. My siblings even called me "Born Free" as a child. What other child would you find riding her big wheel down main street?

And yet, the past few months I have had the most difficult time being me. In one day, I've been extremely angry, then incredibly hopeful with all the other emotions in between manifesting themselves too. Add hormones on top of that and some days you have a complete mess. The best way to describe what is happening to me is the Lord is testing my faith.

Faith, to be faith, must center around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness. If everything has to be known, if everything has to be explained, if everything has to be certified, then there is no need for faith. (Elder Boyd K. Packer, "What is Faith," Faith, Deseret Book Company, 1983, p. 42)

So between the laughter and the tears, the anger and the optimism, the love and the complete reliance on the Lord, I am understanding and grateful. Why? Because the Lord hath said, "Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory"(D&C 98:1-3).

Times of crisis define what truly matters most to us in life and the past month has been no exception. In expressing my frustrations to my brother-in-law, he remarked with an interesting metaphor. He commented, "It's like you're on a game board and you just rolled a six." Couple that comment with Elder Hallstrom's talk from conference "'Men are, that they might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25) and 'for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things' (2 Nephi 2:11) are not contradictory; they are complementary" and you have a perfect description of my emotional roller coaster. The six may be rolled, the opposition may be in full force, but somehow I will land and experience the joy that only comes from holding fast to the iron rod and the love of the Lord.

Doubt Not, Fear Not

Right now I should be preparing for an interview with a company that actually excites me. As much as I should be focusing my energy there or even finishing a final project for my other job, my mind continues pondering over thoughts I had while working out this morning. Time to data dump if only to help my mind more fully understand the swirling thoughts.

One of the greatest gifts we receive from our Heavenly Father is personal revelation. Through the gift of the Holy Ghost and the power of the atonement, the Lord is able to direct our lives in a uniquely personal way. Insights, impressions, and instruction come when we earnestly seek the will of the Lord.

In my lifetime, I have had such experiences. Some so sacred I have either never discussed them in detail or never mentioned them at all. Most often they came while experiencing what Elder Holland referred to as our own Liberty Jails. Recently, as I was seeking the Lord's will for me, I once again experienced the sweet divine gift of personal revelation. The topic nor the message is what my mind has been mulling over the past few hours. What stood out to me was what happened afterward.

Opposition comes in all forms. Though I knew exactly what I felt, advice from the world caused me to doubt. I began to cast off the insights, impressions, and instruction. I called myself crazy. I lost confidence. I completely crumbled. What happened? I let others' stories predict my life for me. I let the world's perspective question the knowledge I received from a loving Heavenly Father. I let the adversary confuse me to the point I was ready to forgo all that had been revealed to me.

Thankfully, the Lord heard my prayers and cast the darkness out of my life. As the light flooded my soul, I began to more fully understand the principle of trusting in the Lord. Where doubt and fear, which are the seeds of darkness, are present trust, faith, and hope cannot exist. Helaman 5:41 explains just this. "You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until you shall have faith in Christ...and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you." And from D&C 6:36: "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." Asking others for advice or seeking out what seems "normal" destroys the very gift of personal revelation. What the Lord speaks to us is far more valuable than anything that we may try to glean from the perspective of the world.

What are my conclusions from all this rambling? First, the Lord desires to impart His wisdom and will for us daily. Second, opposition comes in all forms. Third, doubt and fear will cause us to question that which we have received and believed and lived for. Fourth, having trust, faith, and hope, even if I feel a bit crazy, brings far greater joy and happiness in my life then listening to the wisdom of the world. Fifth, my brother-in-law was right.

Time to grade papers and prepare for an interview!

Gratitude Day 20

1- Faith. As I've been reading and preparing my talk on tithing, I've realized how important faith is to all our decisions. Obedience to the commandments of the Lord rests on our faith in His promises and His timing. Ultimately, our faith resides in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and His power to save us in whatever earthly circumstance we may find ourselves.

2- Costco. Do I really need to explain this one? Anything worthwhile can be found at Costco. 'Nuff said.

3- Musical talent. I am grateful for my mom who pushed me and pestered me and persisted to help me develop my piano talent. Tonight the ward choir director asked me about my sight reading skills. Because of a fabulous piano teacher and a diligent mom, I knew I would have no trouble learning the music. I love playing the piano now. It brings joy to my soul.

Gratitude Day 12

1- Opportunities. I am grateful for the opportunities I have received in life.

2- Adversity and opposition are the true tests of righteousness. Without them we could not really know the state of our hearts. Nor could we truly understand God's existence and love, and His power to guide, comfort, strengthen, and save.

3- There have been, and will be times in each of your lives when such faith must be the bottom line. You don't know what is happening to you or around you, but you know that God loves you, and knowing that, for the moment, is enough.

Gratitude Day 7

1- Fasting. I am grateful for the principle of fasting and when coupled with prayer and a purpose has the ability to draw us closer to the Lord.

2- Scriptures. They teach us the principle of the gospel: faith, hope, charity; baptism and repentance; the creation, the fall, and the atonement of Jesus Christ. How blessed we all for the scriptures which invite us to our Savior.

3- Prayer. Personal prayer is a gift that I cherish with all my heart. Many personal spiritual impressions have come because of the power of prayer. Peace and the knowledge my Heavenly Father loves me are the greatest blessings that I have received from prayer.

Merry Old Month of May

I could list a whole lot of reasons why I haven't blogged recently, but truthfully it really is sheer laziness. To those few readers who like to know what is going on in my life here is my May recap:

• Traveled to California. Visited family. Slept. Relaxed. Vented frustrations.
• Signed up for a half marathon. Started running. Wanted to quit running. Still running.
• Helped a friend who got sick. Raging ear infection. Ears swollen. No hearing. High fever. Not fun.
• Still job searching. No luck yet. Still frustrated on that front.
• Cleaning life. Organizing boxes. De-junking. Very therapeutic.
• Sister is engaged. Excited for her. November wedding. Beautiful dress.
• Planning life. Still figuring it out. Hoping for the best.

AOG - Day 27

1- I am grateful for good parents. It has been nice spending the past few days with them. Though I've spent a good chunk of it catching up on sleep, it has been fun watching The Muppet Christmas Carol with my mom, playing Five Crown with my parents and Grams (even though she destroyed me), having my dad help me put up Christmas lights, and relaxing in the kitchen while my mom and dad continued with the daily grind of life.

2- I am grateful for the lessons we have learned in the past even though they may have been difficult and pain-filled. These lessons prepare us for the future and help us move forward with faith.

3- I am grateful for the Book of Mormon. My bishop challenged each of us in the ward to read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover beginning November 1st and finishing Christmas Eve. I enjoy my daily interactions with these scriptures and the insights I receive.

AOG - Day 16

1- I am grateful for the successful installation of Windows 7 and my friend who spent time on the phone helping me.

2- I am grateful for the Book of Mormon challenge our bishop gave us. As a ward we started our reading on November 1st and should finish by December 24th.

3- I am grateful for my bull-headed, risk taking, no regrets personality. I believe I have lived a better life because of it.

Leap of Faith

This scene is my favorite metaphor for life, especially for my life. Sometimes we just have to "leap from the lion's head" and believe we will land on the path. Here it goes...!

Jumping to the End

I've never believed in jumping to the end of a book to read what happens. I felt that ruined the story. To be honest, I have jumped to the last chapter in only one book but I could see where the author was heading and had to know if my suspicions were correct. Well, in my book of life I would really like to know how this all ends. Too many questions exist in my mind and I have no insights to any of them. I wish I knew, had an inkling, or something...

Waiting Upon the Lord

I have had many unique experiences this past month that have strengthened my testimony in the saving grace of the atonement of Jesus Christ. This post is to reaffirm to all that I have a testimony my Heavenly Father knows us and is involved in the details of our lives; that Jesus Christ is the Son of that same Heavenly Father, is our Savior who suffered in Gethsemane for all our pains and afflictions, and was resurrected on the third day; that the Holy Ghost testifies to us daily if we open our hearts and humble ourselves before the Lord. More than anything, I have a testimony in personal revelation. As we pray, read the scriptures, and daily seek the Lord's will for us, He will direct our paths for good and heal our hearts in miraculous ways.

The Unexpected Strikes Again

I am amazed at how quickly life changes. One moment you think you know exactly what is going on in life; you have direction, focus, understanding. And then in a blink of an eye, it is all gone. It is days like this that I have to remember Elder Maxwell. "There have been, and will be times in each of your lives when such faith must be the bottom line. You don't know what is happening to you or around you, but you know that God loves you, and knowing that, for the moment, is enough." How blessed I am for a testimony of God's love for me, because for this moment it has to be enough.

How Do I Love Thee?

I have many favorite Valentine’s Day memories. Every year since I can remember, my dad has always bought his daughters flowers. Even when I was a little girl, a flower with my name attached would be found waiting for me on our kitchen table. When I was a temple worker, one of my shifts fell on Valentine’s Day. I still remember that session, which included a reunion with a beloved bishop, and I made a promise to attend the temple every Valentine’s Day I could thereafter. One of those times, a poem about my family came to my mind. It was the most incredibly experience to have the words flow into my head. I came home, wrote it (I actually recorded the words on my cell phone on the drive home from the temple), and immediately emailed it to my family. I have an immense amount of love and respect for my family! However, my favorite Valentine’s memory happened while I was an undergrad. Elder Holland came to speak the day after Valentine’s Day and he discussed love and marriage. I have quoted his talk on my blog before, but his words have such an incredible spirit that I wanted to share them again. Many of the quotes will be out of context, which will encourage you to read his talk. For those who want to hear the talk, click here. For those who want to read the talk in its entirety, click here.

I believe that second only to your membership in the Church, your "membership in a marriage" is the most important association you will have in time and eternity--and to the faithful what doesn't come in time will come in eternity.

True charity, the absolutely pure, perfect love of Christ, has really been known only once in this world--in the form of Christ Himself, the living Son of the living God…As in everything, Christ is the only one who got it all right, did it all perfectly, loved the way we are all to try to love. But even though we fall short, that divine standard is there for us. It is a goal toward which we are to keep reaching, keep striving--and, certainly, a goal to keep appreciating.

And as we speak of this, may I remind you, as Mormon explicitly taught, that this love, this ability, capacity, and reciprocation we all so want, is a gift. It is "bestowed"--that is Mormon's word. It doesn't come without effort and it doesn't come without patience, but, like salvation itself, in the end it is a gift, given by God to the "true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ." The solutions to life's problems are always gospel solutions. Not only are answers found in Christ, but so is the power, the gift, the bestowal, the miracle of giving and receiving those answers.

I have taken for a title to my remarks Mrs. Browning's wonderful line "How do I love thee?"… not when do I love thee nor where do I love thee nor why do I love thee nor why don't you love me, but, rather, how. How do I demonstrate it, how do I reveal my true love for you? Real love is best shown in the "how," and it is with the how that Mormon and Paul help us the most.

There are many qualities you will want to look for in a friend or a serious date--to say nothing of a spouse and eternal companion--but surely among the very first and most basic of those qualities will be those of care and sensitivity toward others, a minimum of self-centeredness that allows compassion and courtesy to be evident. There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command--such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.

True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves. That is Christ's great atoning example for us, and it ought to be more evident in the kindness we show, the respect we give, and the selflessness and courtesy we employ in our personal relationships.

To give ourselves totally to another person, as we do in marriage, is the most trusting step we take in any human relationship. It is a real act of faith--faith all of us must be willing to exercise. If we do it right, we end up sharing everything--all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses, and all our joys--with another person.

No serious courtship or engagement or marriage is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it and in so doing trust ourselves totally to the one we love. You cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety's sake. The very nature of the endeavor requires that you hold on to each other as tightly as you can and jump in the pool together. In that spirit, and in the spirit of Mormon's plea for pure love, I want to impress upon you the vulnerability and delicacy of your partner's future as it is placed in your hands for safekeeping--male and female, it works both ways.

In the honesty of our love--love that can't truly be Christlike without such total devotion--surely God will hold me accountable for any pain I cause [my wife] by intentionally exploiting or hurting her when she has been so trusting of me, having long since thrown away any self-protection in order that we could be, as the scripture says, "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

In all that Christ was, He was not ever envious or inflated, never consumed with His own needs. He did not once, not ever, seek His own advantage at the expense of someone else. He delighted in the happiness of others, the happiness He could bring them. He was forever kind.

In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without having the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person's care you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.

At least one difference between a tolerable marriage and a great one may be that willingness in the latter to allow some things to pass without comment, without response.

Think the best of each other, especially of those you say you love. Assume the good and doubt the bad.

One of the great purposes of true love is to help each other in these times. No one ought to have to face such trials alone. We can endure almost anything if we have someone at our side who truly loves us, who is easing the burden and lightening the load. Friends, sweethearts, and spouses need to be able to monitor each other's stress and recognize the different tides and seasons of life. We owe it to each other to declare some limits and then help jettison some things if emotional health and the strength of loving relationships are at risk. Remember, pure love "beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things," and helps loved ones do the same.

Of course such Christlike staying power in romance and marriage requires more than any of us really have. It requires something more, an endowment from heaven. Remember Mormon's promise: that such love--the love we each yearn for and cling to--is "bestowed" upon "true followers of Christ." You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way "never faileth."

Winter Semester

To be honest, Winter semester scares me. The most difficult times in my life have started at the beginning of the new year; however, these soul-bending experiences have also yielded the greatest blessings. I learned something about myself this week. Whenever the trials and tests of life bombard me, I find refuge not only in my faith and testimony, but also with those I love. Their mere existence and love for me buoy me up and bring much-needed comfort.

One undergrad semester was exceptionally trying. The blessing of a plane ticket allowed me to fly to California for the weekend where I found the escape and perspective I needed by playing with my nieces and nephews and talking with my sister and brother. I came back having renewed energy and strength to tackle the difficult tasks before me.

Most of you have heard the Parable of Thursday Night Class, an experience that happened while I attended ASU. Though I didn't understand what was happening, I knew that God loved me and guided me in that direction. Little by little, I recognized what I needed to learn and how this "mistake" allowed me to serve others. My parents were my anchor and support as I navigated this difficulty. Never once did they let me give up. They encouraged and pushed me onward, for which I am forever grateful.

Which leads me to now. With the bombardments of life, I have felt myself faltering in adversity. Realizing I needed the love of family, I visited Melissa and Adam who live nearby. There, I was able to ponder and find peace in the Lord. Because I do not know the end of the story, I would like to close this post with thoughts from Elder Maxell. In a fireside on December 2, 1984, Elder Maxwell spoke about D&C 121:8, If Thou Endure It Well. This talk is one I referred to many times in the above experiences and it has become a frequent read the past few weeks. May you also find peace in the words of an apostle of the Lord.

There have been, and will be times in each of your lives when such faith must be the bottom line. You don't know what is happening to you or around you, but you know that God loves you, and knowing that, for the moment, is enough.

The gospel is not a religion of repose. There is an inherent activism in which God will not be content with us as we now are because he knows what we have the possibilities to become.

For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so . . . righteousness could not be brought to pass. (2 Nephi 2:11)

The Lord will measure our bearing capacity. (See D&C 50:40) He knows we are children and what we cannot handle, but He will give us almost all that we can handle, at times.

So it is that enduring well to the end--or to the very beginning--becomes a prime quality. It calls for shoulder squaring and not shoulder shrugging. It calls for realizing the wisdom of that wise man who said to each of us, the "cross comes before the crown, and tomorrow is a Monday morning." So is the structure of life.

May God bless you as a generation of destiny to whom so many challenges and opportunities will be given, to develop within you, along with all the other qualities, that added sense of reverence and respect for the spiritual submissiveness which permits us to endure well to the very beginning. To take one more step when we think we cannot, to make it to the next ridge when we are sure it is too far to go, to endure injustice, misrepresentation and abuse because we are the servants of Him upon whom they spat, and He suffered it. We should do it in the same way--with kindness and long suffering.

Remembering

Many people I know are suffering from the trials of life. One of those succumbed to colon cancer yesterday. She was a vibrant 26-year-old who still had so much to live for. This quote became her mantra and I post it in memory of her.

“… the tests of life are tailored for our own best interests, and all will face the burdens best suited to their own mortal experience. In the end we will realize that God is merciful as well as just and that all the rules are fair. We can be reassured that our challenges will be the ones we needed, and conquering them will bring blessings we could have received in no other way.

If we constantly focus only on the stones in our mortal path, we will almost surely miss the beautiful flower or cool stream provided by the loving Father who outlined our journey. Each day can bring more joy than sorrow when our mortal and spiritual eyes are open to God’s goodness. Joy in the gospel is not something that begins only in the next life. It is our privilege now, this very day. We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. There will always be more blessings than burdens—even if some days it doesn’t seem so. Jesus said, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” Enjoy those blessings right now. They are yours and always will be.” --Elder Jeffery R. Holland