A New Day

Tomorrow starts a new adventure. I started looking for a new job back in January and the events that led to a full-time offer with Corda are nothing but miraculous. However, I am going to miss this...
and this...
I've really grown to love Salt Lake. I still have a list of restaurants to try and my favorite places to shop are here. Definitely not a good-bye just a see you very soon! :)

A Missed Opportunity

The past few months have caused quite the self reflection in myself and in the world around me. An event happened yesterday that made me think about missed opportunities.

I went into work last Friday to tell my now former boss that I was not going to renew my contract with the company. She wasn’t there, nor any of the other executives. I finally decided, after consulting with my brother-in-law, to send her an email. I was polite and thanked her for the opportunity to learn and grow at the company but that I had chosen not to continue when my contract expired at the end of March.

I saw my boss Monday but she said nothing to me. When I got home, I saw an email asking me to meet with her on Tuesday. I went into that meeting with trepidation. If you knew all the details, you would understand why I felt that way. I sat down and she proceeded to offer me a full time position with the company! I was dumbfounded! Last week when offering me a lead role, she mentioned she might consider increasing my contract rate, and now she was offering me a full-time position with benefits. I was grateful that after all this time she finally complimented my work but she was too late! I had already accepted with Corda.

This caused me to really reflect on the decisions I have made and the missed opportunities in my life because I waited too long and didn’t seize the moment when it was given to me. I have made a resolve to be more proactive and not let options or good things pass me by even when the outcome is not guaranteed (remember vulnerability?).

As President Monson reminded us, “Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed—the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decisions do determine destiny.” So here is to courage and vulnerability and not missing out on all the life has to offer me. Thanks former job for another lesson learned!

All Things Shall Give Thee Experience

Dear Friend,
Yesterday, I received some exciting news that I had been waiting and hoping for, and I wanted to tell you. Corda, a growing tech company, offered me a full-time position as a marketing project manager! I will be responsible for or working on their email, social media, and event marketing. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Getting here hasn’t been easy, but the Lord has guided me every step of the way.

You may remember Corda. Back in September, I randomly interviewed for a marketing position with them. Somehow the job mistakenly was placed on the MBA job board. When I interviewed, the team wondered why I was there. I explained how I found the job. They smiled and informed me it was an entry level position, and I knew I was overqualified. I didn't worry about it because I was working at BYU and had hopes for something to work out there. As you know, nothing did.

Then, the joy of finding something in December. I felt the hand of the Lord guiding me there, but if you remember, even after the first few days, I wasn't sold. They had signed me under contract through March and something inside me wondered if I would really be there longer than that.

Things were going well, until I turned down the New York position. Then an HR department’s worst nightmare came true. Some things happened that would make a great HBS case study. And it wasn't just with me. I also realized I had sold myself short. I recognized that I didn't really believe I could hold an MBA position even though I had an MBA degree. I know. It sounds silly. But I had to come to that realization and I had to fight for me.

So began the search. I started pursuing what I really wanted: a marketing tech job. I targeted many companies including Corda. Things in September ended amicably and I had nothing to lose.

February was crazy! I commuted, I worked for Allen, I continued work with BYU, and I interviewed for jobs. Needless to say, I was exhausted (as you could tell from reading my blog).

I hadn’t heard from Corda and had given up on them. Finally, their Director of Marketing emailed me and asked me to come in for an interview. It went really well! I was surprised how well! They invited me in for a second round. Once again, the interviews went smoothly. To be honest, I felt confident they would extend an offer.

Then the trial. Almost a week went by before I heard from them again. The DoM wanted references. Another week. Finally after two weeks, I emailed him in the polite business rhetoric we were taught. The DoM called and told me that they weren’t interviewing anyone else for the position, but were being delayed in extending an offer to me because of an internal need for software engineers. More waiting. March is ending and I’m wondering what to do. Do I sign another contract with Allen? Do I hope they offer me a full-time job? Will Corda really be able to hire me?

The waiting became nerve-wracking. Then disheartening. Then discouraging. I needed some reprieve. I kept doing the things I knew should, and I knew the Lord was still there guiding and directing me. I knew the principle of equal and opposite temptation and that before great moments in life adversity, opposition, and darkness can come. I knew the scripture that if we “never should have bitter [we] could not know the sweet.” Yet, I felt lost and alone.

Gratefully, my parents’ stake conference was that weekend. Elder Nelson and Elder Leavitt, an area seventy, were there to reorganize the stake presidency. (Yes, my dad was released.) Feeling the love of an apostle for me, my family, and our whole stake was just what I needed to keep going.

I decided that no matter what happened, I would trust the Lord. He had guided me this far and had constantly told me not to worry and that everything would work out. On Wednesday, my manager called me in to offer me a new role. Just as I was settling into the idea that I would be staying at Allen, the phone rang. It was Corda.

Even as I write this story I am amazed at the miraculous events that have taken place. It has been a long road but I never would have guessed in September that this is where my job search would lead to. All things really do give us experience. I hope the things I have learned about business and leadership and myself will help me be successful in this new role. If anything, I have an added amount of confidence in my own abilities and in the Lord, and that never would have come without this. The Lord has truly blessed me and I am eternally grateful.

As always,
T-

Congratulations BYU and the Sweet Sixteen!

We are BYU - Basketball 2011

And Another Reason

I hope you have not missed or underestimated my love for basketball. Let the madness begin!

Another Reason

A few posts ago, I mentioned that spring is my favorite time of year. Besides Easter Peanut Butter M&Ms, another reason I love spring are lilies. I love flowers but lilies are my favorite!

Paradox of Choice

As I was listening to another TED talk, I realized the insights the speaker presented were far more valuable when examined with a gospel lens.

First the context. Barry Schwartz talks about the paradox of choice. In his estimation, choice has made us not freer but more paralyzed, not happier but more dissatisfied. We are bombarded with consuming questions about our choices: big things, small things, material things, and lifestyle things. In a western, industrialized, affluent society, we have an incredible freedom of choice. However, we have to decide again and again and again. Should I be doing “X”?

All of this choice has two negative effects:
1) It produces paralysis instead of liberation. With so many options to choose from, people find it very difficult to choose at all.

a. Example: For every 10 mutual funds the employer offered, the rate of participation went down 2%. Making a decision was so hard employees passed the opportunity for matching money from the employer and opted out simply by not making a choice.

2) Even if we manage to overcome paralysis and to make a choice, we end up less satisfied with the result of the choice than we would be if we had fewer options to choose from.

a. It is easy to imagine that you could have made a different choice that would have been better.
b. Opportunity Costs – When there are lots of alternatives to consider, it is easy to imagine the attractive features of the alternatives you reject that make you less satisfied with the alternative you have chosen. Opportunity costs subtract from the satisfaction from what we choose even when what we choose is terrific.
c. Escalation of expectations – With all these options available, our expectations of how good the results of our choice go up. We become less satisfied with the results even when they are good results.

His secret to happiness is low expectations. This reminds me of Yellowstone road trip I took with some good friends. Our theme? "Low expectations and a positive attitude and you won’t be disappointed." We all had a blast!

Schwartz concludes that some choice is better than no choice but more choice is not better than some choice.

I thought about this in regards to agency. In the pre-existence, we fought for the right to choose. Lucifer tried to thwart the Father’s plan and strip of us our agency. But the adversary didn’t recognize what President Monson stated so clearly, “…none would be any wiser, any stronger, any more compassionate, or any more grateful if his plan were followed.” Think about it. The right to choose is a gift from Heavenly Father and one that we fought to have in our lives.

As I reflected on this principle, I thought of a situation from the TV show The Biggest Loser. In a challenge, the contestants were competing for the right to choose their trainer. One of the contestants, who happens to be from Utah, decided she didn’t want to make the choice. She was going to lose so she wouldn’t have to decide. Then her fellow team members, who also happen to be from Utah, began telling her she had the right to choose and not to give that up. They encouraged her to finish the competition so she could make the decision for herself. As I see it, “To act and not be acted upon” (2 Nephi 2:26).

I have realized how cunning and sneaky the adversary is in our lives. He knows that if he gives us more choices than we can handle, we may abandon this precious gift. We step aside. We relent. We give up. He attacks agency not by taking away our choices but by presenting us with so many options that we become overwhelmed or unsatisfied.

In coming to this epiphany, I have started valuing my opinions, my choices, and my decisions. I used to blame not liking shopping on frugality or not having time or some other excuse. I now realize that one reason I don’t like shopping is too many options. Instead, I need to step up and not let it paralyze me. Yes, I know this is a simple example but I think it is relevant. I am trying to be more decisive and not let regret or paralysis or dissatisfaction (buyer’s remorse) tarnish the gift of agency that has been given to me.

Recently, I was helping my parents plan a trip. With all the hotel options out there, I could have let it overwhelm me. Instead, I remembered the insights about agency and began tackling the problem. I knew the parameters of cost, amenities, and location. With that in hand, I began searching. I found six great options. I utilized the Excel nerd in me and sorted out all the information until it was plain to see the benefits and drawbacks of each choice. Once again, a simple example but one that could easily overwhelm someone.

I could talk/write about this topic for pages, but I won’t. Remember, agency is a gift from the Lord. Value the opportunity to choose. Relish in it and rejoice in it.

Sometimes Calvin Has It Right

A House of Order

I have a confession to make. I was a very messy child. I hated making my bed. You have to understand though; I woke up every morning to a bed that looked like a hurricane hit it. Seriously. As a small child, remaking it every day was a daunting task. I also hated putting my clothes away after they were cleaned. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I would put them under my bed to avoid putting them away. Horrible habit.

Eventually, I grew out of this phase. Part of it was maturity. The other part was my mom feared that I would be one of THOSE roommates and constantly pleaded with me to change my ways. Her warnings were heeded. Not only did I make my bed (occasionally) and clean up after myself, I actually found myself craving a clean apartment. Having an apartment that was organized, uncluttered, and spotless, created a friendlier atmosphere and invited a much better spirit into our place.

I find it funny how I changed from such a messy child to one who craves order. I find satisfaction in organizing a room to make it function more effectively. Recently, my mom has catered to that need and allowed me to reorganize her basement and storage room. By the way, this is not the first time in my life she has let me do this.

In the past, my mom has also let me paint the bedroom above our garage and rooms at a duplex they rent. She has relented, once again, to let me paint another room in the house, the other side of the duplex, and maybe, just maybe the kitchen cabinets at the duplex. This whole painting fetish isn’t new. One summer my landlord let me repaint our entire townhome. The happiest day was when I was able to strip all the ugly, old wallpaper off the kitchen walls and replace it with fresh coats of paint.

I wondered where this need to have cleanliness and order came from considering my past childhood secret. My sister and I were talking about the idea of “cleaning things up” when she pointed out that what we really are doing is restoring order. When we leave clothes out, create a pile of papers to “take care of later,” or procrastinate cleaning the dishes, we leave our world in disarray. We need to finish what we start. We need to restore order. This reminded me of the scripture in D&C 109:8 that reads “Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.” Though this scripture is taken out of its original context, I find that having a house of order really does invite the spirit.

This weekend I dedicated myself to creating a house of order. I no longer have any stacks of paper that need to be organized. It is done. Anything that I didn't have time to get to was filed in a folder for a future day when I do have time. Whenever I was tempted to take care of something later, I found myself hearing my sister’s words about restoring order. Clean kitchen. Clean bathroom. Clean bedroom. I love it!

My Dad Was Right

For many years my dad has always told me the best thing for a cold is sleep. I finally relented to that advice, slept over nine hours last night, took today off of work, and am actually starting to feel better after being sick with this wretched thing for over a week. Guess my dad was right. But I'll only admit that here because he never reads my blog. :)

Power of Vulnerability

A few weeks ago I heard a talk on TED.com about the power of vulnerability. The talk, which I have posted here, produced an interesting introspection within me. I’ve pondered and contemplated the scientific outcomes presented there and weighed those with how I have chosen to live my life and with the counsel I once received to allow myself to be vulnerable.

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com

For those who don’t have time to listen to this twenty minute talk (be aware she does swear a couple of times), here is a recap of the points that stood out to me:

Connections give us purpose and meaning in our lives. In order for connection to happen we have to allow ourselves to be really seen – to be vulnerable.

People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging. Our fear that we are not worthy is what keeps us from making connections.

People who have a strong sense of belonging have these things in common:

1. Courage - Definition of Courage: Tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. These people had the courage to be imperfect.
2. Compassion to be kind to themselves first. We can’t practice compassion for others if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.
3. They saw connection as a result of authenticity. They were able to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were.
4. They fully embraced vulnerability and believed what made them vulnerable is what made them beautiful. They believed was necessary and fundamental and had a willingness to do something even when there were no guarantees

Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love.

We numb vulnerability. We don’t want to the feel the hard feelings. However, we can’t selectively numb emotions.

1. When we numb the hard feelings, we numb joy, gratitude, and happiness.
2. We need to think about how and why we numb.
3. One thing we try to do is to make everything uncertain, certain.
4. Blame is described as a way to discharge pain and discomfort.
5. This doesn’t work!

What does work?

1. Let ourselves be seen. Deeply seen. Vulnerably seen.
2. Love with whole heart even when there are no guarantees.
3. Practice gratitude and joy even in moments of uncertainty.
4. Believe we are enough.

This post isn’t meant to be a recap of someone else’s research and thoughts, but I wanted you to know what stood out to me in hopes that you would receive your own insights about yourself and to give you the foundation for the most profound insight I found. Do know that I have abbreviated these thoughts because the full extent is far too personal to share in such an informal setting.

As I mentioned, many years ago I was given the counsel to allow myself to be vulnerable. I have reflected on that moment many times and tried to find ways to implement that in my life. It truly has been a journey of change. I know the feelings of uncertainty but have chosen to plow forward in spite of not knowing. I know the value of having pain, fear, uncertainty, etc. permeating every fiber of my soul because I learned that in feeling these hard emotions I could feel joy and happiness and love.

All of this leads me to the most powerful insight I have received about vulnerability. Brene Brown missed it. It is being vulnerable spiritually. What I mean by this is opening ourselves to the Lord. To submit to His will. To experience opposition in all things AND men are that they might have joy. To feel His forgiveness. To allow the Atonement to completely and totally envelop us. And yes I do believe this is a choice.

Think about the scriptures and the very foundation of our beliefs. Every story, even the very first in the pre-existence, centered on complete reliance in the Lord and His plan. We had no guarantees when we chose the Lord’s way. Nephi had no guarantees when he said, “I will go and do.” Joseph Smith had no guarantees when he was confined in Liberty Jail. But all believed this: We are spiritual sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father. His way was the only way. Being obedient and submitting to ALL things, even the hard emotions and difficult times, brings eternal and everlasting peace, joy, and happiness.

One of Those Nights

You know those nights where you know you should go to bed early, especially since you are on the sixth day of being sick with a cold, have been working long hours at work, and are completely exhausted? Well, that's me tonight. I really should have gone to bed hours ago. Oh well. I can always try again tomorrow. :)