Game Changing Woman

I read. A lot. Not books — and I should change that — but short articles from lots of different sites: Read Write Web, Big Think, Eloqua Blog, 85 Broads, etc.

The “founding members” of 85 Broads were women who worked for Goldman Sachs at 85 Broad Street in New York City. It now includes women from all over the world. Recently, they posted an article that really captures the power women have to make a difference. To all you women who read my blog, remember this when you're feeling down. To all you men, you're probably married to a game changing woman. Make sure you let her know that.

We’ve been getting this question fairly often lately. “What makes a woman a game changer?” In order to describe it more deeply than “Well, you know, she’s awesome.” We came up with a few ideas:

She has swagger. She is love. She can run four blocks in heels. She can run a marathon. She can swim bike run and/or play a musical instrument and/or change a tire all on her own. She’s independent. She’s warm. If she’s a mother/wife/girlfriend, it is to someone that she chose. Not because she needs a partner, but because they make her more herself. She laughs with her whole self. She breathes. Slowly. Sometimes to take it all in. Sometimes to keep from blowing up. She is courageous and fiery and ferocious if need be. She kisses boo boos. She can parallel park like a champion. She has an invisible crown, halo, superhero cape and magic wand. She takes the good with the bad. She goes after everything she wants in life. Without guilt. She leaves it all on the field. She gives it everything she has. She fails. She succeeds. Most importantly, she tries. She’s in the game. Not on the sidelines. She revels in quiet, calm stillness. She makes sure she is heard when she has something to say. She can be afraid, but respects fear and moves forward anyways. She makes babies. She makes money. She makes up her own mind about when and where and with whom to do both. She is joy, happiness, determination and perseverance all rolled into one. She is any and all of the above. She knows herself, loves herself and above all, she is always herself. She’s a game changer.

Bad Habit

I think we all have habits that we don't like. My problem is one of my worst habits doesn't bother me. I stay up late. Too late. Especially to get to work the next morning. I'm a night owl and find the evening cathartic. Everyone else is asleep and I can let my mind wonder as I do the most random things: cleaning my room, doing laundry, reading a book, catching up on my blog. Some of my favorite conversations have happened late at night. Just the two (or three or four) of us sitting under the night sky and talking about our life adventures.

It's almost midnight now and though I need to get some sleep (the 30 minute nap during sacrament meeting won't compensate for a few hours tonight), I don't want to. I want to reminisce about good times with friends and family: laughing under the night sky with my sister as her boyfriend sat quietly wondering what the two of us were giggling about; relaxing on a park bench with a dear friend talking about our hopes for the future and being reminded how much I miss him even though it's been six years since the accident; talking near the base of a mountain with the most unexpected; thinking about spiritual impressions and current events and what that means for my future; remembering the pure innocence of childhood and how much fun I had growing up.

Life is interesting isn't it? It's made up of all these different puzzle pieces that may not mean much when looked at individually, but when placed together the world becomes alive and your understanding of what has happened in the past only excites you for the future. I'm incredibly happy right now. No cryptic message or hidden meaning here. Just sitting in my front room reflecting on all the good things the Lord has brought my way.

I'm back...

well sort of. I realized the last post I wrote was in August and it was kind of depressing. Not me at all. I'm happy to report that the optimistic, full of hope me is back. I think (I hope). I have so much I need to record, but all of my pictures are on my other computer and the battery is dead. I really should start bringing my power cord home if I'm going to use my work computer to play games and stuff. Anyway, I'm off topic. Updates will begin this weekend when I will not be working. Yes. I finally figured out this whole "I have a million things to do for work and can never do them all."

How did I solve this problem? Easy. I crossed off all the things on my list that were never going to happen, and when someone asked if he could help, gave him something that still needed to get done. Next, I talked with my boss about key issues that were bothering me. That wasn't easy. It required a lot of humility on my part to admit I couldn't do everything. She was more supportive than I anticipated. Now the biggest issue still isn't resolved, but both she and I are working on it. Hoping for something good soon. I also decided that if I worked two 12-hour days each week, I could have my weekends. That may seem horrible, but it's made a difference for me. I get a lot done when everyone leaves the office, and I can focus on meetings and group projects when everyone is there. The biggest change I made was shifting my attitude. I realized I could whine and complain about a situation or I could approach each day with a renewed optimism and a determination not to let things bother me. Easier said than done. But it's made a world of difference. I feel a bit more like Nephi "Nevertheless I went forth" than Laman and Lemuel "Grumble in the morning; grumble at night..." I feel more like myself AND I'm loving my job again.

Good things are coming from this change in me and at work. First, I'm taking next Friday off for a weekend in California and a couple of days in October while traveling for work in Boston. Really excited about that one. Yay for being able to go on vacation! Second, working late has given me more interactions with my CEO. Tuesday night I was working late and as he was heading out the door with a group to go to dinner, he shouted out to me that I was invited too. Well, the CEO invited me to dinner. I wasn't going to pass that up. What a great evening! Had so much fun with the CEO, a couple of other execs, and co-workers. New mantra: When the CEO invites you to dinner, drop everything and go. Totally worth it! Third, I'm loving my church calling and the girls. I'm the Laurel adviser. What a fun calling! The girls and I have decided that every 2nd Sunday is treat night at my place. These girls bring such joy into my life. They know I'm busy with work and experienced it the other night when I logged onto the internet at the church building to email something before a deadline and before we took off for the activity. They laughed with me about that, but also understood me a bit more which helped them open up about themselves.

So life is good. Still many bumps. But I'm handling things much better now. More updates on the fun adventures of me coming soon.

Quote of the Day

"Optimism is not so much about feeling happy, nor necessarily a belief that everything will be fine, but about how we respond when times get tough. Optimists tend to keep going, even when it seems as if the whole world is against them." —Elaine Fox, a psychologist at the University of Essex in England

I hope to be remembered as an optimist.

Life Lessons Learned

Today KSL highlighted an article with Elizabeth Smart. In the article she said something that resonated with me and I hope that I can live my life with the same optimistic outlook.

"Nobody is trial-free, but we have a choice. We can choose to allow our experiences to hold us back, and to not allow us to become great or achieve greatness in this life. Or we can allow our experiences to push us forward, to make us grateful for every day we have and to be all the more thankful for those who are around us."

Do you ever have those moments when you know you should be anxious or nervous about something and realize you aren't? You just know everything is going to work out and be okay. It's an interesting feeling to have. Not quite sure what to think about it. I'll keep you all posted.

The Parable of the Bedroom

Once two sisters decided they wanted to move from their upstairs bedroom down to the basement. They spent hours on the internet searching until they found the perfect bedding for their new room. The day finally arrived for the big move. One mattress was brought down. Then the second. Each was setup with great care and the new bedding meticulously placed. As the pictures were hung and the decorations placed, the sisters felt anxious. Nothing matched. As they crawled into their beds and tried out the new bedding, it didn't feel as comfortable as their old, worn blankets.

Suddenly, tears began to fall and before their mom could react, both daughters were sitting in her lap sobbing. The mother looked incredulously at her four-year-old son who stood there in disbelief and as dumbfounded as his mother. Neither knew what had just happened. When the tears subsided and words could be spoken, the girls explained they liked their old bedding, their old decorations, and their old bedroom. So at 11:00 at night, the beds were returned to the old room and everything was placed back in its rightful place.

Time passed. Each girl learned more about herself and each grew in maturity. Now a little older and wiser, they decided it was time to make the move. Once again, they found the perfect bedding. They didn't care the decorations and pictures didn't match. They were ready. Everything was moved and it all felt right. No fear. No apprehension. No turning back.

One day, their aunt came for a visit. She saw one nestled beneath her covers, enjoying a few more moments wrapped in the warmth. She watched the other throw her clothes in a pile on the floor and rearrange the things on her dresser as if she had been doing that for years.

The aunt reflected back to how she felt when the girls first tried to move. How, at the time, she felt the same way: wanting to go back to her old bedroom with her worn, comfortable bedding. What the aunt now realized is how the passage of time helped her to learn more about herself. She too was more confident. More assured of what she wanted. More passionate. More hopeful.

The parable of the bedroom took on a special meaning for the aunt that day. She knew exactly what she wanted and hoped for the opportunity. No more fear. No more apprehension. No turning back. She was ready.

Tonight I had a very uplifting talk with a female student I mentor. She has many concerns that center around finding a full-time job in the same place her husband is accepted for medical school. Her fears come from not following the same path as those around her, not doing all she can now to find a job, and not knowing for sure what the future holds for her. We were able to talk about the will of the Lord and pressing forward in spite of not having a clear understanding of the future. It made me feel good to have her say she needed her monthly "Thamina check" to help her feel confident and hopeful in the decisions she is making. This is one reason I still continue to mentor students. I feel like I am able to make a difference in someone's life.

Our conversation then turned to one of greater gospel significance. We began talking about agency and the trials of Abraham. While talking, I had an insight that brought a whole new understanding to the events of Abraham and Isaac and completely placing our will on the alter of the Lord. I had never pieced this together before, and I'm not going to go into detail here, but I realized that it wasn't just Abraham's test. It was also Isaac's. Isaac has now become a symbol for me of completely submitting to the will of his father. Complete trust. Complete faith. For some reason this small insight completely changed my perspective about the trials I am facing. How grateful I am for personal revelation and continued understanding of the Gospel.

I'm also extremely grateful for another realization I had tonight. I believe in happy endings. Not the "Once upon a time...and everyone lived happily ever after" kind. But the "And God remembered Rachel" kind. The Lord "hath heard the prayers of His people" kind. The "all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good" kind. I believe in my happily ever after.

Have you seen this? Watching this tonight reminded me of how grateful I am for living apostles and prophets. The spiritual insights that came to my mind during general conference were reinforced with this short recap. Oh how merciful the Lord is to us in continually guiding and directing our lives. He doesn't leave us alone. He is always there.



Tonight President Packer spoke at the CES Fireside. What a moving message about the power of the atonement to satisfy the laws and demands of justice. I have felt the merciful hand of the Lord in my life. I am grateful for the laws of justice. It keeps life "fair". But how I treasure the mercy of the atonement that satisfy this law and allows me to be forgiven and sanctified. I testify as President Packer did that we can all return to the Lord's path. We can all repent. We can all partake of the gift of the atonement. It is never too late.

I am grateful for the gifts of the Spirit. I've come to realize that one of mine is an insatiable hope. Hope in today. Hope in the future. Hope in the Gospel. I've been ridiculed for this hope at times and questioned whether it really was a gift. Now I know full well that the Lord has blessed me with hope. I have been able to be a help to others and it has sustained me in times of darkness. Hope is something I greatly treasure. It is a sacred gift to me.

Many people have horrific stories about their bosses. I have a few stories of my own. However, my current boss does not fit into this category at all and I am extremely grateful for this. My boss is amazing! He pushes me and challenges me to be better but also is realistic. This morning I got to work a few minutes late and his comment to me was "Wow! You just keep going." I left Sunday night for a tradeshow and got back late Wednesday. He told me after working those hours that the common practice is to take it easy the next day. We agreed that I should go home at lunch and take the rest of the day off. Great work environment. Great job. Great boss.

Another topic that can drive people crazy are in-laws. My brother-in-laws are fantastic! I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with all four of them. A couple of weeks ago something crazy happened around 11pm. One of my brother-in-laws was online and I was able to vent to him and calm myself down enough to go to sleep. Tonight I went to drop off some candy to my nephew whose bag ripped open on Halloween and he lost half his candy. That nephew's dad, another brother-in-law, and I started chatting. We have some similar interests and he is always willing to hear about what I'm doing in life. The other two are just as great. They tease me like a sister and will always strike up a conversation with me. In the brother-in-law department, I feel very blessed.

Somehow in the past day or two I found my hope. I lost it for a while. Longer than I expected. But tonight, I rediscovered it. I am so grateful as I have felt lost without it. I found myself believing in miracles and not just for other people. For myself. I believe the Lord truly is in charge of my life and all things will work together for my good and His name's glory. I believe all that he has promised even though I can't see any way for that to happen. I know He can. Oh hope! How I have missed you and am so grateful to have you back. Please, don't ever leave.

Strengthened by the Lord

I read this quote from Joseph Smith, The Prophet's Facebook status. (I just read that line and thought how ironic that Joseph Smith was martyred by those hoping to extinguish his voice and now that same voice is being published world-wide on a social networking site.)

"I wanted to say something to you to comfort you in your peculiar trial & present affliction. I hope God will give you strength that you may not faint. I pray God to soften the hearts of those around you to be kind to you & take the burden off your shoulders as much as possible & not afflict you. I feel for you, for I know your state & that others do not, but you must comfort yourself knowing that God is your friend in heaven & that you have one true & living friend on earth, your husband."

I may not be married but this particular quote touched my heart because I know that God is my friend and is acutely aware of me, and I have a family that has been a great source of comfort to me. They are my friends and I love them dearly.

Giving Up

Tonight I was ready to give up. Too tired to try anymore. I was emotionally spent and had nothing left to give. I explained this to the Lord. That I had done everything I knew how to do and had given all I had. I didn't know how to give anything else. The only thing left for me to do was place all my worries in His hands and trust Him completely.

Oh how the Lord blessed me! The tender mercies of the Lord strengthened me tonight while I was serving in the temple. One girl sat next to me at dinner and a really positive conversation resulted from this. Then I saw the mother of a friend of mine. When I introduced myself, she complimented me and related uplifting comments from her son. I ran into the wife of another friend and my conversation with her just added more peace and comfort to my wearied soul.

Nothing has changed really. Circumstances and situations have not been altered. But I have been changed. The Lord knew I needed a little more faith and hope tonight. He strengthened me so I could continue to endure. How grateful I am for the power of the personal prayer, the power of priesthood covenants, the power of the atonement.

Happy Easter!

About a month ago I was introduced to Rob Gardner's Lamb of God. My interactions consisted of one minute segments on iTunes and those brief segments flooded my soul with peace. Then a couple of weeks ago, I was able to hear this oratorio in the Tabernacle on Temple Square. Once again, I felt the undeniable testimony of the Spirit.

Saturday evening, I decided I needed to buy the soundtrack. As soon as the music started playing, a smile spread across my face as I remembered why I had to have this music. I found that the intimacy of my car brought a whole new level of understanding to the message of the words and music. I have a deep and abiding love for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I find myself stumbling to say what I want but words cannot adequately express what I feel. Know that I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. To echo the words of Job spoken long ago, I know that my Redeemer lives!




Our Hope and Deliverer promised of old,
For whom we have waited e’er long,
Hath come to redeem us from slavery’s yoke
And deliver His people back home.
Come, Israel, come and see He who shall reign,
In whom we will ever rejoice,
We hear the sound of the glorious refrain
And it echoeth back in our voice:
Hosanna! Hosanna! Thy Savior hath come, O Israel,
And blessed He’ll ever be called!
Hosanna! Hosanna! Sing praises to God,
For our Hope, our Deliv’rer, our All!
Oh, why should we wander as strangers from Thee
And turn from Thy bounteous hand?
Restore and defend us, oh, set us free,
That beside Thee we ever may stand!

He looks, and ten thousands of angels rejoice,
And myriads wait for His word;
He speaks, and eternity, filled with His voice,
Re-echoes the praise of her Lord:

Hosanna! Hosanna! Thy Savior hath come,
Our Hope, our Salvation, our All!

All Things Shall Give Thee Experience

Dear Friend,
Yesterday, I received some exciting news that I had been waiting and hoping for, and I wanted to tell you. Corda, a growing tech company, offered me a full-time position as a marketing project manager! I will be responsible for or working on their email, social media, and event marketing. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Getting here hasn’t been easy, but the Lord has guided me every step of the way.

You may remember Corda. Back in September, I randomly interviewed for a marketing position with them. Somehow the job mistakenly was placed on the MBA job board. When I interviewed, the team wondered why I was there. I explained how I found the job. They smiled and informed me it was an entry level position, and I knew I was overqualified. I didn't worry about it because I was working at BYU and had hopes for something to work out there. As you know, nothing did.

Then, the joy of finding something in December. I felt the hand of the Lord guiding me there, but if you remember, even after the first few days, I wasn't sold. They had signed me under contract through March and something inside me wondered if I would really be there longer than that.

Things were going well, until I turned down the New York position. Then an HR department’s worst nightmare came true. Some things happened that would make a great HBS case study. And it wasn't just with me. I also realized I had sold myself short. I recognized that I didn't really believe I could hold an MBA position even though I had an MBA degree. I know. It sounds silly. But I had to come to that realization and I had to fight for me.

So began the search. I started pursuing what I really wanted: a marketing tech job. I targeted many companies including Corda. Things in September ended amicably and I had nothing to lose.

February was crazy! I commuted, I worked for Allen, I continued work with BYU, and I interviewed for jobs. Needless to say, I was exhausted (as you could tell from reading my blog).

I hadn’t heard from Corda and had given up on them. Finally, their Director of Marketing emailed me and asked me to come in for an interview. It went really well! I was surprised how well! They invited me in for a second round. Once again, the interviews went smoothly. To be honest, I felt confident they would extend an offer.

Then the trial. Almost a week went by before I heard from them again. The DoM wanted references. Another week. Finally after two weeks, I emailed him in the polite business rhetoric we were taught. The DoM called and told me that they weren’t interviewing anyone else for the position, but were being delayed in extending an offer to me because of an internal need for software engineers. More waiting. March is ending and I’m wondering what to do. Do I sign another contract with Allen? Do I hope they offer me a full-time job? Will Corda really be able to hire me?

The waiting became nerve-wracking. Then disheartening. Then discouraging. I needed some reprieve. I kept doing the things I knew should, and I knew the Lord was still there guiding and directing me. I knew the principle of equal and opposite temptation and that before great moments in life adversity, opposition, and darkness can come. I knew the scripture that if we “never should have bitter [we] could not know the sweet.” Yet, I felt lost and alone.

Gratefully, my parents’ stake conference was that weekend. Elder Nelson and Elder Leavitt, an area seventy, were there to reorganize the stake presidency. (Yes, my dad was released.) Feeling the love of an apostle for me, my family, and our whole stake was just what I needed to keep going.

I decided that no matter what happened, I would trust the Lord. He had guided me this far and had constantly told me not to worry and that everything would work out. On Wednesday, my manager called me in to offer me a new role. Just as I was settling into the idea that I would be staying at Allen, the phone rang. It was Corda.

Even as I write this story I am amazed at the miraculous events that have taken place. It has been a long road but I never would have guessed in September that this is where my job search would lead to. All things really do give us experience. I hope the things I have learned about business and leadership and myself will help me be successful in this new role. If anything, I have an added amount of confidence in my own abilities and in the Lord, and that never would have come without this. The Lord has truly blessed me and I am eternally grateful.

As always,
T-

Sometimes Calvin Has It Right

Friday Pick Me Up

Inspirational Quotes

I have been thinking about memorable quotes that have inspired me, rejuvenated me, and motivated me to become more. Each of these have their own story, many of which are very personal and not something I would mention on my blog. However, I am posting them hoping that those out there reading can find your own inspiration and story in these simple yet profound words.

But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You've got to wonder why we cling to our expectations. Because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still. The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives.

Nothing in the world is accomplished without passion.
~David McCullough at a BYU Forum

There was this law of life, both so cruel and so just, that demanded one must grow or else pay more for staying the same.
~Norman Mailer

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

We are born believing.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot

We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.
~Goethe

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.
~Vernon Law

To endure is greater than to dare; to tire out hostile fortune; to be daunted by no difficulty; to keep heart when all have lost it; to go through intrigue spotless; to forego even ambition when the end is gained - who can say this is not greatness?
~Thackeray

Adversity has a way of challenging all of us, sooner or later. How we collectively bear up to the pressures of unexpected tragedy, how we care for and honor those who suffer loss, how we hold on to our values despite the seductive lure of simple, quick and easy solutions to the complex problems we face — how we deal with such things defines us forever.
~Gen. John P. Abizaid of the Army, former commander of the United States Central Command

Validation

My friend Anna, the one who calls me a hopeful romantic, sent me this video in hopes that it would make me smile. It did.

Quote of the Day

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the universe; your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of all that’s within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.

And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

— Nelson Mandela

Range of Emotions

The range of human emotions amazes me especially when they are all happening at once inside of me. For the most part, I describe myself as a hopeful and passionate person. I have a fiery spirit within me that loves to laugh, to interact with others, and to experience new adventures. My siblings even called me "Born Free" as a child. What other child would you find riding her big wheel down main street?

And yet, the past few months I have had the most difficult time being me. In one day, I've been extremely angry, then incredibly hopeful with all the other emotions in between manifesting themselves too. Add hormones on top of that and some days you have a complete mess. The best way to describe what is happening to me is the Lord is testing my faith.

Faith, to be faith, must center around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness. If everything has to be known, if everything has to be explained, if everything has to be certified, then there is no need for faith. (Elder Boyd K. Packer, "What is Faith," Faith, Deseret Book Company, 1983, p. 42)

So between the laughter and the tears, the anger and the optimism, the love and the complete reliance on the Lord, I am understanding and grateful. Why? Because the Lord hath said, "Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory"(D&C 98:1-3).

Times of crisis define what truly matters most to us in life and the past month has been no exception. In expressing my frustrations to my brother-in-law, he remarked with an interesting metaphor. He commented, "It's like you're on a game board and you just rolled a six." Couple that comment with Elder Hallstrom's talk from conference "'Men are, that they might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25) and 'for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things' (2 Nephi 2:11) are not contradictory; they are complementary" and you have a perfect description of my emotional roller coaster. The six may be rolled, the opposition may be in full force, but somehow I will land and experience the joy that only comes from holding fast to the iron rod and the love of the Lord.