Range of Emotions

The range of human emotions amazes me especially when they are all happening at once inside of me. For the most part, I describe myself as a hopeful and passionate person. I have a fiery spirit within me that loves to laugh, to interact with others, and to experience new adventures. My siblings even called me "Born Free" as a child. What other child would you find riding her big wheel down main street?

And yet, the past few months I have had the most difficult time being me. In one day, I've been extremely angry, then incredibly hopeful with all the other emotions in between manifesting themselves too. Add hormones on top of that and some days you have a complete mess. The best way to describe what is happening to me is the Lord is testing my faith.

Faith, to be faith, must center around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness. If everything has to be known, if everything has to be explained, if everything has to be certified, then there is no need for faith. (Elder Boyd K. Packer, "What is Faith," Faith, Deseret Book Company, 1983, p. 42)

So between the laughter and the tears, the anger and the optimism, the love and the complete reliance on the Lord, I am understanding and grateful. Why? Because the Lord hath said, "Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory"(D&C 98:1-3).

Times of crisis define what truly matters most to us in life and the past month has been no exception. In expressing my frustrations to my brother-in-law, he remarked with an interesting metaphor. He commented, "It's like you're on a game board and you just rolled a six." Couple that comment with Elder Hallstrom's talk from conference "'Men are, that they might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25) and 'for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things' (2 Nephi 2:11) are not contradictory; they are complementary" and you have a perfect description of my emotional roller coaster. The six may be rolled, the opposition may be in full force, but somehow I will land and experience the joy that only comes from holding fast to the iron rod and the love of the Lord.