Not an April's Fools Joke

My classmates and I convinced one of my teachers to change the final from an individual case write-up to a one page bullet point paper and class discussion. Only one final! Happy day!

March Madness

March really has been a crazy month. Even though I am only taking 12.5 credits, I have been incredibly busy. Now that it is the end of March I realize that classes end in two weeks. I have two Heaton cases, one paper to write, one book to read, four readings, and two finals left until graduation. I turned down a job today because I didn't feel it was the right position for me. I have no other concrete leads but many hoped for opportunities which would allow me to experience another adventure in another state. To be honest, I would be okay not working until August. I'm not that lazy but have too many fun vacations in the works: Sacramento, Yosemite, DC, Civil War sites, Huntington Beach, hikes in Utah, Lake Powell, visits to friends, and more. Right now my life is full of uncertainties. I have no idea what is around the corner, but that is what makes it so exciting. Bring on Summer!

Tender Mercies

We all have times in our life when we hit a wall and just don't know how to keep going. That is me right now. I'm exhausted with all that has happened the past two years of MBA school. Everything from accounting and finance classes to dating to internships to being engaged to breaking off the engagement to finding a job to getting sick week after week to planning my life. I'm worn out. The past few days I had given up. I skipped a group meeting and watched basketball with a friend and took a nap instead. I let important things slip like reading my scriptures. (This one really is brilliant. I bought a nice set of leather scriptures since my cheap set was quite worn and even had a bout with a paper shredder. My problem was (yes I know this is lame) I wanted to mark my new set but with the "right" colors and pencils and pens with the "right" topics. I hadn't found exactly what I wanted so I put it off day after day.) My actions definitely were not consistent with my values and beliefs.

Today a rebuke came in the form of tender mercies. I woke up not wanting to go to my ward. It wasn't church I was avoiding. Just my ward. I decided to go to stake conference in Gunnison. I walked in and saw my dad who lit up at the sight of me. I needed to see that love. The talks that were given all hit questions that were in my mind. One particular point was the powerful affect of women in the lives of others. Each speaker seemed to say something about the importance of women. I felt very distinctly the need to make a few course corrections to make sure I am a woman of influence, a woman of virtue, a woman of faith. I need to make sure I am lifting and building others and to make sure that the light of Christ is reflected in my countenance. Another point was the power of forgiveness in all its forms. I have made some choices in my life that many attribute as irrational. They don't understand why I have made these choices. The Lord knows and I felt overwhelming peace when reflecting on those decisions. One final tender mercy was the visiting authority. At the last moment the schedule changed and Elder Spencer J. Condie of the Seventy came instead of another member of the Seventy. I connected with a talk he gave years ago. Seeing and hearing him speak today reminded me that God knows me and God does remember his promises. I spoke with Elder Condie after the conference and once again, I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace from the Spirit of the Lord.

This morning I awoke with a weight on my heart and dread in my soul. This evening I feel hope in the future. Hope in the power of repentance. Hope in the miracle of forgiveness and the atonement. Hope in the knowledge that the Lord knows and remembers me. The Lord knew I needed to be in Gunnison today and when I wake up tomorrow, my resolve is to punch through that wall or climb over it or blast it to pieces or something. I won't let the uncertainties of life defeat me. I won't let the easiness of the way slow my pace. I won't let the stumbling blocks trip me. I will persevere because I have the help of the Lord.

PS - I pulled out the old, beat-up Book of Mormon a few days ago. I testify that reading the Book of Mormon daily gives us power to do all things.

Modern Medicine

Relief is in sight! With almost 48 hours worth of antibiotics, my ear is starting to feel better. I'm not so ornery anymore. Hallelujah!

Things of the Past

One thing I dealt with as a child were constant ear infections, tonsillitis, and strep throat. I remember being sick often. Once the tonsils were removed and tubes put in my ears, I had a much healthier life. I was still paranoid if my throat or ears ever hurt but gratefully I haven't been plagued with these issues since the two surgeries I had as a child.

Unfortunately my weary body succumbed. Somehow I developed an ear infection in my left ear. It makes my head hurt. All I want to do is sleep. I am disappointed when I wake up and isn't any better. I had forgotten how aggravating an ear infection can be to living life. To you parents whose kids suffer, be patient. Ear infections are not fun for us either.

Sometimes It IS All About Me

My life has been one crazy, hectic mess since January. Needless to say, I was exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, academically, etc. So last week I imposed a break from school. I needed time for me. Time to relax, laugh, sleep, and enjoy life. Since the first block was over, I had one less class. Plus one of my other classes was canceled on Wednesday, another had only one case prep for the week, and I was released from the RS presidency the previous Sunday. So, I knew I would have some extra time for my unofficial Spring Break. I still made sure I was prepared with assignments, but I skimmed readings instead of thoroughly reading them. Okay one day I just skipped reading altogether. I figured at least I still went to class.

Here are some of the things I did to enjoy myself this past week:
* Cataloged my food storage so I knew what I owned. I hated going to the store and buying more of what I already owned. For example, I own 4 Costco sizes of peanut butter and I don't like peanut butter sandwiches.
* Bought off white church shoes. I have two cute skirts that I love wearing but have never liked my shoe options. I finally found a pair I liked!
* Used some Christmas gift cards. I now own cake pans.
* Bought and kept (yes this is a miracle) clothes from Ann Taylor Loft. Yay for new clothes!!
* Went bowling with my friends Erin and Julina. Our goal was to see who could get the highest MPH with the bowling ball. Erin won with 21 MPH. However, I did get the highest bowling score. :)
* Cleaned my room! I washed my sheets, rotated my mattress, organized and filed the piles of papers and souvenirs that were building up in my room, vacuumed, and reorganized some furniture. My room finally feels happy again.
* Invited friends over for fondue. I love fondue! We had a cheese fondue and a chocolate fondue. Yummy!
* Slept 7-9 hours a night. My poor body sure needed the rest.

Though this week is going to be another busy week, last week gave me enough of a boost to help me endure. Plus, I am going to Brian Regan which is going to be amazing!

I am officially done with my MBAA position on the Executive Council. My successor has been elected and it is time for me to pass the torch over to her. Slowly but surely my MBA time is coming to a close. I have loved being in school again and am excited to see where I am headed next, but truthfully what I really want is a week in Hawaii just to relax before starting the real world again.

Edward vs. Edward

Most women and girls right now have a fetish for Edward Cullen from the Twilight series. He may be dark and broodish with carefully disheveled hair, chiseled cheekbones, and glowing eyes but he lacks appeal. His controlling, overacting personality is quite annoying. He whines, complains, manipulates, and his overprotecting nature only makes his relationship with Bella even more frustrating to read or watch. Frankly it diminishes his physical charm and ability to captivate my attention.

Compare that with Edward Ferrars from Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. At first glance he isn't strikingly handsome and his manners are described only as pleasing. However, looking past that natural shyness, he has a kind, affectionate, and loyal heart. He is willing to sacrifice his own personal happiness with the woman he loves to honor his promise to another. Only until he is truly free to declare his love does he ask Elinor to marry him. No manipulation. No possessive antics. Honest, true love. He may not be an Edward Cullen or a Willoughby physically but Edward Ferrars' strong moral character rivals that of these "sexy" men, which makes him that much more physically attractive, that much more intriguing, and far more fascinating. Give me an Edward Ferrars over an Edward Cullen any day.

A Better Recipe

I was able to remake the recipe and it turned out much better than the first batch. Amazing what happens when you follow ingredient amounts! However, I like a similar recipe much better and wanted to share it. I am tempted to use the other recipe's caramel mixture instead of the one listed below but I'll have to try that another day.

German Chocolate Squares
1 pkg (14 oz.) or 50 caramels
1/3 cup evaporated milk
1 pkg. German Chocolate cake mix
2/3 cup melted butter
1/3 cup evaporated milk
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Combine caramels and 1/3 cup evaporated milk. Melt over heat until smooth and fully melted. Set aside. Combine cake mix, butter, 1/3 cup evaporated milk. Mix until dough is smooth. Press half of dough into a greased and floured baking 9X13 baking dish. Bake at 350 for 6-10 minutes. Sprinkle chocolate chips over baked crust. Spread caramel mixture over chocolate chips. Place remaining dough over the caramel mixture. Bake at 350 for 15-18 minutes. Cool, then refrigerate to set caramel layer. Enjoy!

Not My Day, Week, or Month

I don't like to complain but honestly January was not a kind month to me. It was equivalent to Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day except it was a month long. I was hoping February would be better. I was hoping to avoid Katherine Paterson's adage from Jacob Have I Loved:

February is just plain malicious. It knows your defenses are down...February hits you right in the stomach. And not with a lightning strike like a September hurricane, but punch after punch after punch. February is a mean bully.

What has happened you may ask? What could possible get Thamina riled up so much? Hmm...where to start. Could it be someone hitting my car? Could it be because I was pulled over even though I legitimately was speeding and still didn't get a ticket? Or maybe that I was careless and burned my fingers on a hot pan? Honestly what really set me off was my own fault but after the month I had I thought February was going to treat my kindly. Nope! Because for the first time in my life, I didn't read a recipe correctly and completely ruined the treats I was making for dessert night which will probably be my last dessert night because I have school conflicts that night. Now I'll have to settle for something ordinary and bland. I don't have time tomorrow to buy new ingredients and remake the brownies.

February you were supposed to be kind. You were supposed to make up for last month. You were supposed to have some mercy on my already worn out soul. Alas...you must be friends with January.

Bad Habits

I've formed a very bad habit this past month. I fall asleep on the couch, wake up around 2am, then climb into my own bed. This has caused a crazy sleep schedule and me feeling exhausted. I know why this habit started but am not sure how to fix the cause; however, I am working on breaking the habit. For the past three nights I actually fell asleep in my own bed! Two of the three nights I slept well. Of course I went to bed after 1am both nights so that may have some explanation. My goal for this week is to go to bed in my own bed before midnight. No more falling asleep on the couch.

One of Those Days

Today I was not my best self. It came from a combination of factors including final exams, stress, exhaustion, and hormones. When I have days like this, I say to myself, "You're better than this. Why did you react that way? Why did you say that?" For some reason no matter how hard I try, the nasty side of me comes out. Unfortunately for one of the undergrads I TA, he found me right at the peak of my irrationality. I've already sent an apology.

Today I needed a timeout. A timeout from studying. A timeout from being single. A timeout from making decisions that I don't have answers to or direction for yet. A timeout from being me. Gratefully my sister and her husband let me use their place as a timeout. I was able to get one of my final two papers completed. My nephew saw I was upset and made me a Christmas card. When I came home, my fabulous visiting teacher stopped to see me.

Today I learned that even though I make mistakes and feel that others make mistakes towards me, life isn't over. Hope keeps us moving. Hope that when we wake up in the morning, the craziness we feel will have dissipated. Hope that others will forgive us for becoming defensive and reacting instead of stopping to think through the situation. Hope that the atonement of Christ really does help us overcome being human.

Today I was not my best self. I hope to be better tomorrow.

Mom! It's a box!

Today I came home from school to find a box. Not just any box. A Banana Republic box. Even better, I liked everything in it! Miracles do happen!

AOG - Day 30

1- I am grateful for my dad. Today is his birthday and I wanted to how I feel about him. He is kind, loving, fun, witty, spiritual strong, an amazing example, smart, and charitable. I think my dad is amazing!

2- I am grateful for hard working teams. I get frustrated working with different people and different groups for each class but when it comes to crunch time, they pull through and get things done. Having a good team makes school so much easier.

3- I am grateful I made it through November. It has been a crazy, busy month!

AOG - Day 29

1- I am grateful for hot tubs. I love sitting and relaxing in hot tubs. This weekend I was at the Waldorf-Astoria resort at The Canyons. Being in a ritzy hotel, in the mountains, with a hot tub? Priceless.

2- I am grateful for peanut butter cookies. I got the recipe from a girl who collected different PB cookie recipes and she gave me her favorite.

3- I am grateful that the semester ends in 2 1/2 weeks. It is going to be a crazy busy time but I am excited for the Christmas break.

AOG - Day 28

1- I am grateful for BYU's win over Utah tonight! Though I was freezing cold by the end of the game, I couldn't help rushing towards the field after that amazing overtime win!

2- I am grateful I know the backroads of Provo so I could avoid most of the traffic to the freeway. I made it to Salt Lake with plenty of time to spare.

3- I am grateful for internet shopping. One of my favorite stores is only in Salt Lake. When I lived in Arizona, I would stop at Ann Taylor Loft at least every other week; now I visit online to watch for sales and such. I love that I can buy clothes online and then return them at my convenience.

AOG - Day 27

1- I am grateful for good parents. It has been nice spending the past few days with them. Though I've spent a good chunk of it catching up on sleep, it has been fun watching The Muppet Christmas Carol with my mom, playing Five Crown with my parents and Grams (even though she destroyed me), having my dad help me put up Christmas lights, and relaxing in the kitchen while my mom and dad continued with the daily grind of life.

2- I am grateful for the lessons we have learned in the past even though they may have been difficult and pain-filled. These lessons prepare us for the future and help us move forward with faith.

3- I am grateful for the Book of Mormon. My bishop challenged each of us in the ward to read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover beginning November 1st and finishing Christmas Eve. I enjoy my daily interactions with these scriptures and the insights I receive.

AOG - Day 26

1- I am grateful for Thanksgiving Day and the opportunity we have to eat amazing food and to enjoy the time with family.

2- I am grateful that my mom feels safer when I drive then when my dad drives. He isn't a bad driver, but his cautious driving doesn't always make the rest of us in the car feel safe. I'm glad my mom lets me drive.

3- I am grateful for chocolate ice box cake. It is a divine dessert my mom makes every Thanksgiving and Christmas. I look forward to it every year!

AOG - Day 25

1- I am grateful I was able to spend some time with my sister today. We rarely get to have one-on-one time. It was fun to catch up on life.

2- I am grateful to be at home for a few days. It's nice to escape from school every once in a while.

3- I am grateful to have a nice warm bed to sleep in when I visit my parents. Long story on that one but I'll just say the couch used to be my bed. Not any more! :)

AOG - Day 24

1- I am grateful that my classes were cut short today!

2- I am grateful that between classes I was able to hang out with a good friend of mine.

3- I am grateful for the Thanksgiving dinner that I was invited to tonight. Yummy!

AOG - Day 23

1- I am grateful when a class is canceled that I didn't want to go to that day. Makes for a happy day when I am experiencing burnout.

2- I am grateful for people who make me laugh! The world is more fun when we make others laugh.

3- I am grateful for the ability to learn, grow, and change. The eternal mercy and grace that comes from the atonement humbles me and teaches me how to be a better person. It also teaches me the power of forgiveness...forgiving myself and forgiving others. What a powerful gift in my life!