Mutual Weirdness

This just makes sense to me.

Good Intentions and New Direction

My goal this weekend was to post about my trip to Washington DC, New York, and Disneyland. Well, guess who forgot to bring her power chord home? Yep. Me. But how, may you ask, am I posting right now? Well, I forgot the power chord to my work computer and the battery has now died. So I'm using my home laptop which doesn't have any of my recent pictures and posts about trips are no good without a visual aid. Never fear, I'll get those posted this week.

And now for the new direction. I'm finally, I think, out of the funk I've been in for the past while. In being so, I've decided to be a bit more honest on my blog. You all know I have a blog tracker. I seem to have regular visitors and most of you are friends and family. I have nothing to hide and hope that my life experiences can bring a smile to your face or insights into your own lives. Which means all of this may become a lot more personal. Now the really personal stuff will go into my journal. I'm starting that back up again because I needed to document some good things that happened recently. Nothing life changing. Just a tender mercy of the Lord. He does hear and answer prayers. You'll get that story soon.

To end this post, I wanted to share a quote from one of my new favorite shows Once Upon a Time. On tonight's episode, Grumpy says to Snow after her heart was broken (you have to see the episode because it really is cute), "I need my pain. It makes me who I am. It makes me Grumpy." I love this line. It helps me realize that turning off the pain or trying to drown it out doesn't help us one bit. All the adversity, struggles, and disappointments have made me who I am. It makes me Thamina.

2012 Update

Remember my three goals for the new year?

• All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.
• All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and good things happen.
• To be surprised.

Well, I'm off to a good start. I'm also realizing I don't have as much patience as I thought. I feel like I am a speedboat navigating around a battleship. Somethings just take time and I need to slow down.

2012 Theme Addendum

"All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware."
—Martin Buber

Excited to discover the secret destinations of this life's journey.

Welcome to a New Year

I've reflected much on the past year. 2011 brought many unexpected events that I wasn't quite sure how to deal with. In everything that I had to confront and overcome, I found a resilient strength in me that I didn't know existed but that I attribute to the Lord and the consistency of family and friends.

I've also discovered a bit of personality that I knew was there but for some reason had suppressed. John Adams summed it up best when he wrote to Thomas Jefferson, "I was young, and then very bashful, however saucy I may have sometimes been since." I find myself being much more bold and sassy in conversation, in work, and in my relationships with others. I hope it hasn't come across as arrogance or pretentiousness. But I do like how the challenges of the past have helped me throw caution to the wind and give life my all.

My theme for 2012 comes from a movie quote: "All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and good things happen."

My goal for 2012: To be surprised.

To speak completely in metaphor, last year was the year I rolled a six. This year I get so see where I land.

Rendered Speechless

This month has been busy! I counted and realized I have slept more nights in a hotel than I have in my new place. With all this traveling has come walking around all day in the cold and taking very little time for sleep. When this happens, my body rebels against me. Translation: Thamina got sick. Now, it was all pretty manageable until Christmas Eve when my siblings and I decided to go skiing up Fairview Canyon (aka ghetto skiing).

Now I live in a family of physicians. Four of the five people going on this trip had either been in medical school or were currently in medical school. Dad: family practice physician. Sister: emergency room physician. Brother: second year medical student. Sister-in-law: second year dental school. They've all been tested on the simplest and complex viruses. I may have been asked once or twice if I was feeling well enough to go but no one pushed for me to stay back. Now, to give my family a fair shot. I am me. I'm pretty stubborn. If I have it in my head to do something, I'm going to do it. I didn't want to miss out on the fun and decided skiing was worth any repercussion.

Little did I realize what the consequences of that decision would be. Christmas day was wonderful, but as the day wore on my energy level dropped and my voice began to crack, creak, and croak. The day after Christmas showed no signs of improvement. In fact, I croaked multiple octaves as I tried to speak, and as I was talking on the phone with my sister, she started laughing because she couldn't understand me at all.

I realized the time had come. To save my voice, I had to speak in a whisper or stop talking. Day one. Then day two. I'm now on day three where I am trying so hard not to talk. You all know me. Me and talking are inseparable. I always have something to say. But now even the slightest effort drains me. So for now, I'm speechless. I'm mute. The only way to get better is to rest my voice. I'm hoping it will be back tomorrow. I'm hoping this illness has run its course. I'm hoping.

Do you ever have those moments when you know you should be anxious or nervous about something and realize you aren't? You just know everything is going to work out and be okay. It's an interesting feeling to have. Not quite sure what to think about it. I'll keep you all posted.

Crazy Busy Life

I haven't forgotten about my blog. With moving and traveling, it has been the last thing on a long list. Never fear. I'm home for a couple of days before the next adventure and I have maybe five or six boxes left to unpack.

On my list of things to update you on is trips to DC and New York, my move from Provo to Salt Lake, and the many holiday celebrations. Another vacation is just around the corner so I'm hoping to get a few of these updates in before then. Be on the lookout...

One More Thing I'm Grateful For...

Happy Birthday to my amazing father!

His children have always been a source of pride for him and he has loved each of us unconditionally.

He always greets my mom with a kiss, cuddles with her on the couch, and holds her hand as they travel through life.

He has sacrificed so much for his family. He would work long hours so we could participate in sports, music, and other activities. My dad loves a good adventure and he always wanted to be part of the fun even though we often wore him out.

Once when I was having financial troubles because of a mix-up at ASU's graduate office, I approached my parents about possible solutions to the problem. My dad got a big grin on his face and started singing "You Ain't Never Had a Friend Like Me" and offered a different solution. My dad has always supported and helped me. My dad is absolutely wonderful and he is right. I've never had a friend like him.

Never Say Never

I remember being naive and making ridiculous comments like "I'm never going to do...", then fill in the blank. More often than not, I have ended up eating my words. Here are a few:

• I finally got out of Provo. I'm never moving back to Provo. (I said this when I left for Phoenix.)
• I'll never like broccoli...or green beans...or asparagus...or spinach (I like all of them now.)
• After ASU graduate school..."I'm not moving back to Utah." (Ha ha!)
• I'll never date some shorter than me. (Um...first two guys I dated in college.)
• I don't like running. You'll never see me running for fun. (Right. How many half marathons have I done?)
• I hate mornings. I'll never be a morning person. (Now I prefer to workout and read my scriptures in the morning.)
• I'll never enjoy yard work. (See post.)
• I'm moving from Utah after I graduate from MBA school. (Love my job! Still here!)
• I'm never teaching again. (I teach a class once a week at BYU. Oops!)
• I'll never learn HTML. (See my unordered list?)
• And finally, the reason for this post...I'll never live with a dog. (Guess whose new roommate has a dog? Yep! Mine! But I made the choice knowing full well she had a dog.)

I figure we say things like "I'll never..." because we don't know any better or realize how many good things we would miss out on if we stuck to those assertions. I've had some incredible, faith filled, uplifting experiences by not listening to my "never" words.

Knowing my life, I'm going to have many more opportunities to do things I thought I would never do. And for that I am grateful. Grateful that my ignorant comments have not held me back from the joys that life has offered to me. Grateful for a Heavenly Father who knows better and doesn't listen to my "never" comments. Grateful to others who have overlooked my simple-minded words and given me another chance.

I'm sitting here on my last night of Thanksgiving vacation enjoying the BYU basketball game online and the Stanford v. Notre Dame football game on the TV. No, I'm not a big Stanford or Notre Dame fan. But I do like a good football game and it's halftime at the basketball game. While enjoying the two games, I wanted to record some reflections I have been having.

The past few days have been really nice. I haven't had to worry about planning and preparing dinner (Thanks Mom!) or wake up to an alarm clock. I would wake up when I wanted to. Work out when I wanted to. And eat when I wanted to. It's been so nice compared to the daily grind I usually face. Christmas lights have been put up at my parents' house and my favorite time of year has started.

I'll be honest, I'm nervous. I'm making a move from a place that is comfortable and predictable to a place where I have no guarantees. I wonder if I should have waited until after Christmas to move but then remind myself that I couldn't stay where I was any longer. Too anxious feeling like I was sitting still. I needed to feel like I was moving forward and doing all without really knowing what all was or is.

I am grateful for the need to press forward with faith and this past year has been the epitome of moving forward into the darkness while seeking the light and the path the Lord needs me to follow. At times I have been downtrodden and worn out both physically and emotionally, and then the light would appear. The Lord strengthened me to keep going. Going where, I wasn't quite sure. But He has fulfilled His promise to me that He would lead be my by the hand. Many times I have felt carried.

Corrie ten Boom tells the story of learning the importance of gratitude from her sister Betsy during their imprisonment at Ravensbruck Concentration Camp. Betsy reminded Corrie that they needed to express their gratitude in all things including the fleas. Corrie could not even to begin to fathom being grateful for the fleas. Yet she expressed gratitude for the fleas. Every day they were able to hold Bible study and teach those around them. They couldn't figure out why the guards never interrupted their study. Then one day Betsy figured it out. The guards did not enter the barracks because of the fleas. The very things that agitated the girls and made their bodies itch were the very things that protected their Bible study.

So this day, I am grateful for the "fleas" in my life. Those things that agitate me. That get under my skin. That somehow compel me to keep trying, to look for the positive, and to teach me how to be a better disciple of Christ.

I am grateful that this is how I feel about life:



I am grateful for a CEO who shares his extra tickets with employees. My nephew and I were able to partake of my CEO's generosity and enjoy a BYU basketball game on the 2nd row. Have I told you that I love my job?


I am grateful for the good friends I was able to see tonight. It has been since March since we saw one another and it was good to catch up tonight. And we made plans to hang out after I get back from my December travels. Love my friends and the positive influence they have on me.

I started reading (Yes! I know! I finally have time to read again.) John Adams tonight. I've barely scratched the surface and yet my appreciation for the Founding Fathers and all those who endured such times has increased immensely.

Another good day of working out. I think I've got a good schedule going on right now. Grateful for the motivation to get up each morning.

I'm grateful for other people's happy endings. My friend called me tonight telling me he was engaged. I was thrilled! He and his now fiancé have endured some very trying times. Actually, I don't even think they were dating again when they got engaged. They had started talking and everything finally fell into place. So happy for them!

Quick recap for the gratitude blog:

Friday - Day one of getting up to work out was a success. I've taken a break the last two months and am now ready to get back in the groove. Grateful that the program I built for our email automation worked. Boss was impressed too. Yay me! Someone gave the marketing team donuts at work. These are my achilles heel. I will not allow myself to buy them, but I can eat them if someone else does. Good thing I worked out this morning. :)

Saturday - Grateful for the day off. Nothing pressing. Nothing expected. Just time to relax, read, and enjoy life. I was able to sell my parents' old couches/hide-a-beds on KSL. With my dad retired and having time to help my mom around the house, they have begun reorganizing things at home. Tonight I was able to watch the BYU game and with friends. Glad to see the team improving over the season. Wished we had another shot at Utah.

Sunday - Grateful for my ward. It has been such a breath of fresh air from the singles wards and I've made such great friends. My home teachers are fabulous and even volunteered to help me pack up the trailer for the impending move. I love catching up with dear friends. I hadn't seen one for almost a month and she rushed up to me when she saw me and we caught up on all our doings. It touched me that she remembered my resolve to slow down and asked how that was going. Gratefully, I was able to give her a positive report. I love the new tradition some friends and I have created. We started Disney Sing-a-long Sunday Movie Night. It started out as just movie night, but the first one we picked was Beauty and the Beast. We felt that was Sunday appropriate. As the movie progressed, everyone was singing along and it became mandated that you sing-a-long. Last night was the most successful of them all. Our numbers have tripled. We have watched Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Aladdin, Hercules, and The Little Mermaid. I told my friends that me moving would not stop Sunday Movie Night and I would continue coming down for it. Always good to have friends willing to do silly things, like singing along to movies, with you.

The Parable of the Bedroom

Once two sisters decided they wanted to move from their upstairs bedroom down to the basement. They spent hours on the internet searching until they found the perfect bedding for their new room. The day finally arrived for the big move. One mattress was brought down. Then the second. Each was setup with great care and the new bedding meticulously placed. As the pictures were hung and the decorations placed, the sisters felt anxious. Nothing matched. As they crawled into their beds and tried out the new bedding, it didn't feel as comfortable as their old, worn blankets.

Suddenly, tears began to fall and before their mom could react, both daughters were sitting in her lap sobbing. The mother looked incredulously at her four-year-old son who stood there in disbelief and as dumbfounded as his mother. Neither knew what had just happened. When the tears subsided and words could be spoken, the girls explained they liked their old bedding, their old decorations, and their old bedroom. So at 11:00 at night, the beds were returned to the old room and everything was placed back in its rightful place.

Time passed. Each girl learned more about herself and each grew in maturity. Now a little older and wiser, they decided it was time to make the move. Once again, they found the perfect bedding. They didn't care the decorations and pictures didn't match. They were ready. Everything was moved and it all felt right. No fear. No apprehension. No turning back.

One day, their aunt came for a visit. She saw one nestled beneath her covers, enjoying a few more moments wrapped in the warmth. She watched the other throw her clothes in a pile on the floor and rearrange the things on her dresser as if she had been doing that for years.

The aunt reflected back to how she felt when the girls first tried to move. How, at the time, she felt the same way: wanting to go back to her old bedroom with her worn, comfortable bedding. What the aunt now realized is how the passage of time helped her to learn more about herself. She too was more confident. More assured of what she wanted. More passionate. More hopeful.

The parable of the bedroom took on a special meaning for the aunt that day. She knew exactly what she wanted and hoped for the opportunity. No more fear. No more apprehension. No turning back. She was ready.

I am grateful for the rewards of a hard day's work. I am grateful for the insights the Lord gives me about my life. I am grateful for the beautiful words others have given me to read. Here is a favorite passage from C.S. Lewis.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly be broken...Christ did not teach and suffer in order that we should become more cautious of our own happiness, even in our natural loves. If a man is not uncalculating, and in that way reckless in loving his earthly beloveds whom he has seen, how will he be in his love for God, whom he has not seen? We should draw nearer to the love of God, not by attempting to avoid the sufferings inherent in any love, but by accepting them and offering them to him, by throwing away all defensive armor, taking all risks, descending when he so wills, into all tribulations."
--CS Lewis, The Four Loves

Tonight I was able to have dinner with my cousin. She and I are many years apart in age but that has not stopped us from being friends. I am grateful that we have been able to build a good friendship the past few years.

I have been able to travel the past month for fun and for work. For work I headed to Orlando the last week in October. I was stuck in Orlando for Halloween and decided to make the most of my time. I dressed up and headed over to the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World for Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party. Even though I was by myself, I had a great time. It was fun to see all the kids dressed up and the longest lines be for the Halloween candy. Yes, I did got trick-or-treating. I was able to walk onto all the rides including Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Pirates, etc., etc. True to form, Peter Pan still had a line as did Buzz Lightyear. Disney always puts on a good show and their fireworks display and parade were no exception. Considering I'm not a big fan of Halloween, this one turned out to be pretty good.


I am grateful for the untold stories in life. My hotel room in Orlando had this sign. I can only imagine what happened to cause all rooms to post this warning. Now that would have been a great story!

I have been an LDS temple worker for the past year. I've made some very dear friends. Some my age and some not even close to my age. But they have become my temple family. I love them dearly. Since I am moving in the next few weeks, I will no longer be able to work in my current temple. I'm saddened by that fact but excited for the adventure ahead of me. I am grateful for the wonderful sisters who have served with me and taken the time to be my friend.

I am grateful I got all my laundry done yesterday. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since I did laundry and it was nice to be able to get it all done in one sitting.

I am grateful for the ability to multi-task. Here is my setup from the other night as I watched a new tv series, worked on one computer, and finished a project on another. #Nerdalert.

Tonight I had a very uplifting talk with a female student I mentor. She has many concerns that center around finding a full-time job in the same place her husband is accepted for medical school. Her fears come from not following the same path as those around her, not doing all she can now to find a job, and not knowing for sure what the future holds for her. We were able to talk about the will of the Lord and pressing forward in spite of not having a clear understanding of the future. It made me feel good to have her say she needed her monthly "Thamina check" to help her feel confident and hopeful in the decisions she is making. This is one reason I still continue to mentor students. I feel like I am able to make a difference in someone's life.

Our conversation then turned to one of greater gospel significance. We began talking about agency and the trials of Abraham. While talking, I had an insight that brought a whole new understanding to the events of Abraham and Isaac and completely placing our will on the alter of the Lord. I had never pieced this together before, and I'm not going to go into detail here, but I realized that it wasn't just Abraham's test. It was also Isaac's. Isaac has now become a symbol for me of completely submitting to the will of his father. Complete trust. Complete faith. For some reason this small insight completely changed my perspective about the trials I am facing. How grateful I am for personal revelation and continued understanding of the Gospel.

I'm also extremely grateful for another realization I had tonight. I believe in happy endings. Not the "Once upon a time...and everyone lived happily ever after" kind. But the "And God remembered Rachel" kind. The Lord "hath heard the prayers of His people" kind. The "all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good" kind. I believe in my happily ever after.

I am grateful for the Relief Society lesson we had in church. The sister who taught it was asked to teach yesterday after the regular teacher became sick. The lesson and examples given were exactly what I needed to hear. Now the challenge. Taking the leap of faith and trusting the Lord completely. I'm beginning to understand a bit what Nephi felt. He was told to get the Brass Plates. He had tried everything he could think of and was even beaten for his persistence. Now he is standing at the gates of Jerusalem saying, "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. Nevertheless, I went forth." I've been told multiple times "Don't worry. Everything will work out." Earthly perspective tells me I'm a fool. But I know. I know what the Spirit has whispered and confirmed to me. So following the example of Nephi, I'm going forth. Taking that leap of faith. Trusting the Lord that all He has revealed to me will come even though I see no possible way for it to happen. He does. And that's what matters to me. That I am being guided by a loving Heavenly Father who sees and knows all things. As long as I am obedient and faithful, I will not be led astray. How truly glorious is our Father and Savior Jesus Christ.

I am grateful for a day of rest and to be spiritual nourished by prophets of God. I love that these messages are easily accessible and I can listen to them on my computer, in the car, and on my phone. They bring me peace in times of uncertainty.

I am grateful for Christmas music. Today I have been working on importing all my classical cds and Christmas music on my Mac. My niece and I listened to the "Radio Christmas" on Saturday while driving. I was so disappointed in the selection. Now that I have my favorites on my phone, I can enjoy the best out there.