After rereading the threads of gratitude, I realized so much of my life is hidden in the things I am grateful for. Sharing the story behind the posts may help those of you find answers in your lives, just as I found mine.
1. I am grateful for faith. My friend Mel has been an example of faith to me. Her life has been completely turned upside down this year and yet she still exercises her faith in the eternal plan of the gospel. In Alma 32, we learn the fundamentals of faith. One line from this chapter reads "faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." My notes in my scriptures read "Learning by faith requires bending of whole soul" and "Faith is the moving cause of all action in each of us." My faith has been tested the past few months and I feel my soul has been bended, twisted, tied, and beaten. It has been hard to move forward feeling so weighed down. But the Lord has sent His angels to me this week. They have buoyed me up, strengthened my resolve, and restored my faith.
2. I am grateful for revelation. One thought that has consumed me is what I want to be when I grow up. To be honest, all my life I have hoped to have a family. That hasn't changed, but the possibility of needing to work, even though I am a wife and mother, is quite real. I came to MBA school with a specific emphasis in mind. Three weeks into the program I felt that direction was not in my best interest. I could complete the work in an HR program but I would not find the fulfillment I was seeking. I have been counseled to gain an education, to study hard, and to seek those things that would be a benefit to my future family. When I switched to marketing, I felt that was the course of action I was to pursue. However, the opposition I have encountered has been fierce. Overwhelming. Paralyzing. Fear of failure has been my biggest foe. Unfortunately, that fear has permeated all aspects of my life. I often feel like a guppy swimming in a lake of piranhas. Intense prayer, pondering, and studying has not manifested any insights until recently. First, I have the skills necessary to succeed as long as I am involving the Lord in my decisions. Second, I love education! Working in a business role in the private school sector excites me. Where is this all going to bring me? Not a clue, but I have faith that the Lord will continue to guide me and reveal to me what he would have me do.
3. I am grateful for eternal perspective. Through tender mercies of the Lord, I was reminded about the real purpose in life. I encountered people who I don't normally see and they felt inspired to share their personal thoughts with me. My questions the past three months are "How can I do this?", "Am I good enough?", "What am I even doing in the MBA program?". What I learned from these individuals is all these things shall give thee experience. My cousin pointed out to me that in MBA school we all sacrifice something: spirituality, social life, physical activity, family, grades, etc. I am performing average in MBA school, which is not what I wanted when I first entered the program. Gratefully my cousin, who knows me well, pointed out that I am sacrificing high grades for something more important: developing personal relationships. In the eternal scheme of life, my grades don't matter. My interactions with people do. So I am embracing this new perspective and leaving my worries in the hands of the Lord. I can do this. I am in the program because there are experiences here that will help me fulfill my eternal role, and I know the Lord will help me every step of the way.
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