Scariest Thing Imaginable

Whenever something new or overwhelming comes my way, I find myself paralyzed, unable to move. I've had a few of those recently. After talking with my boss a few weeks ago about a frustration at work, I realized I didn't understand the depth of the feelings I was experiencing. I took some time over that weekend to reflect on what was holding me back and realized, after reading an article, that it was fear. The author had asked his audience to tell him their biggest fears. The results astounded me. The most common two fears were quite...contrary.

1. Fear of failure
2. Fear of success

After the conversation with my boss, I was assigned new projects at work, something that nobody was working on or had worked on, and I was now responsible for them. Though I was excited about this idea, it also generated quite the internal conflict between failure and success. What if I completely bombed the projects? What if I succeeded, raised expectations, and then failed? What would they think of me then?

I feared failure but the thought of success was just as unnerving. I know. Sounds crazy. But it was the reality I was living in. And I found those same feelings came with thoughts of dating.

Of course, the author also brought up exactly what I was trying to avoid. "In between failure and success lies comfort and mediocrity. Living in comfort isn’t really living at all...Comfort is a feeling that holds us back. Comfort keeps us mediocre." In trying not to fail, I was allowing myself to be average and boring. I was holding on to the status quo. To really grow and become more, I had to take that leap of faith, break out of my shell, and embrace change.

So I'm tackling a few projects, both professionally and personally, that are challenging me. I have no idea how any of this will play out, but I'm trying. I'm plowing forward and doing all I can—which, ironically, in one case is to do nothing. I'm already seeing great results at work. Now, I'm just waiting to see how all this personal stuff plays out. Going to be an interesting adventure but one that will be far more enjoyable than sitting around waiting comfortably in my pseudo-protected bubble. Whenever I'm feeling nervous or discomfort or fear, I remember a favorite movie quote*, strap on my Calvin suit, and face the world head-on.

*"Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable."