Worth the Risk

I've been tagging all my old blog posts so they are more easily searchable. Take a look at the tags along the side. Nice, huh?

As I've been re-living the last four years of my life, I've been fascinated by the person who wrote these blogs. First, she left out a lot of information!! No wonder some of you are confused by her random thoughts. I'm here to tell you there's more to the story than what is written here. Ask her sometime. She's more than happy to let you in on the secret.

Second, this girl was a fighter. My favorite quote so far is "I am grateful for my bull-headed, risk taking, no regrets personality. I believe I have lived a better life because of it." When did I get shy and reserved? Somewhere along the lines that fiery passion got smothered. I know it's still there somewhere and I need to find it. Stoke it. Re-kindle the flame. Build the confidence to take the risks in front of me. I know it's worth it.

Girl Brain on Steroids

This week has been bit of a trying week. We all have those moments when we feel off our game or out of sorts. Add deleting a bunch of documents, pictures, and emails from the past few years and I became a mixed mess of emotions. What's interesting about this situation is my logical, rational brain knew exactly what was going on and kept trying to tell what I call "Girl Brain" to calm down. Then one day, I had a realization about myself and the tactics the adversary uses against us. Here's my story:

On Monday I woke up with a big weight on my soul. I wanted to give up on future possibilities. Didn't think I could handle anymore uncertainty in life. As I drove to work, I started thinking about how I was feeling and realized I was discouraged about the current situation, had been distracted by frivolous pursuits of nothingness all weekend along, and was doubting all the good things that had happened the week before. It's as if a light turned on in my brain! I knew the adversary was working heavily on me and that I had even let him in a bit by choosing to be distracted with technology.

That really opened my mind and heart to the whisperings of the Spirit. I had to choose to push these outside influences out of me so that I could make room for the Spirit in my life. The rest of my Monday was filled with the fruits of the Spirit and I'm grateful that I was able to "snap out of it" as quickly as I did.

Of course the adversary didn't give up that easily. We still had a few battles this week but I knew I was being attacked by the adversary with how I was feeling. What I needed most was how to arm myself and fight off the assault. This scripture and going to the temple gave me the tools and the power I needed. My commentary is in parentheses.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear (that's a tactic of the adversary. Remember Moses and Satan in the book of Moses....Where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God....Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not. [Moses 1:13–16]....And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God [the very phrase used by Joseph Smith], he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory. [Moses 1:19–22])

but of power (power of the priesthood, power of temple covenants, faith, agency, gift of the Holy Ghost),

and of love (Love of God, charity, Love for fellowman),

and of a sound mind (think of the promises given in the initiatory ordinances; D&C 6:23 - Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?).

I'm realizing that the tactics of the adversary come many times throughout our day. I can't force situations and others' choices, but I can choose to serve the Lord and not become subject to the 5 Ds (discouragement, doubt, deceive, distract, and disqualify). So though my life isn't playing out as fast as I want it to, I know the Lord is guiding my path. I know He does have great things planned for me. I felt that to be the truth on Monday and today. Whenever I feel discouraged or distracted or doubtful, I remind myself that the Lord is in charge and He does not work with those emotions. He uses peace, caution, or warning.

So I write this to testify of the goodness of the Lord and the miraculous hand He has played in my life especially recently, but I also write to remind myself. Never give up on the Lord. Never give up on those you care most about. Never give up on the promised blessings that are so close you can taste it but need a bit more time before they are yours. Promises will be fulfilled and the Lord will provide the way.

I Love to See the Temple

This weekend my cousin married the beautiful Brittany in the Salt Lake Temple. After pictures, I decided to play with Instragram on my phone and ended up with the most fantastic shots. I'm so happy with the results!

I really like this image...

Debt Free

As of today, I am officially student loan debt free. I had loans from my M.Ed at ASU and my MBA at BYU. Out of state tuition at ASU was killer but I determined to keep paying off the interest while in MBA school to keep the loan from getting out of control. Last March, I decided to put all extra money towards both students loans and to have them paid off in one year. Okay, actually the goal was January 1st, but Paris and a few other trips had me alter the goal to one year. I made that goal. And it feels really good!

Weekend Getaway

Coping Mechanism

What do you do when you get impatient about life? I plan trips. Some of them actually happen while others just disappear like my perfect South Carolina trip I thought about taking in April.

Today I was ready to just get in my car and start driving. But I was at work and knew that would be completely irresponsible. So I planned it for tomorrow. I had the trip all planned for a weekend in California: One day driving. One day playing. One day driving back. Hey, I went to Vegas for a day once. Figured I could pull this one off. And this weekend trip almost happened!

I decided that I'm not a college student any more and I would like to keep my job, so my spontaneous road trip has been altered a bit. I'm going to go to the beach in two weeks and to St. George this weekend. Hopefully a weekend hiking in Zions and a planned trip to the beach will help me with this waiting period. If not, at least I'm out having fun!

What Did You Have For Dinner?

This past month I have eaten out wayyyyyyy too much! Seriously! One week I had four dinner dates with friends. Though I loved the convenience, my credit card and waistline did not!

The first drastic measure to alter this trend came two weeks ago. I signed up for another half marathon, then got out my calendar and planned out my running schedule for the next four months. (My brother is actually crazier than I am. He decided to join me for the race but signed up for the full marathon. My sister-in-law is much saner and will run the half with me.) I have enjoyed my morning runs and have found satisfaction in the challenge of beating my goal. This is going to be fun! :)

The second lifestyle change happened tonight. I cooked! I actually love to cook and bake but have let all the traveling and moving and friendly dinner outings get in the way. Now, I have food for lunches for the rest of the week! Healthy lunches too!

Life is good.

Here We Go Again

Do you remember what was happening this time last year? I do. Keenly aware. I would categorize it as one of the most difficult times of my life. To say I was vulnerable would be an understatement. Uncertain. Shattered. Petrified. Lost. Those would be more accurate descriptions. Only a few saw that side. The rest of you saw me playing a part. Strong. Hopeful. Determined. But I was a wreck. Vulnerability was out the door. I was done and had no idea how I was going to do each day.

That experience taught me about my own strength and the miraculous timing of the Lord. Recently, the Lord has shown me once again that He does hear my prayers and answers come in the most unforeseen ways. (Though I would love to provide all the details now, I'm a bit superstitious and don't want to jinx any situation or outcome so please forgive the vague explanation.)

I actually find myself in a parallel circumstance to last year. No, the world is not coming to an end. But I am faced with something that I'm cautiously optimistic about. Like the job opportunity, this situation isn't playing out in any normal or typical fashion. Good things happen, then waiting. More good things happen, and then more waiting. My expectations of what I think should happen and when things should happen have all been thrown out the window and surprisingly, I feel peace about that. And that's what scares me. I feel peace about not knowing the outcome. So bring on the vulnerability and the unknown amounts of waiting. One day it will all come together. In preparation for that, I'm suiting up like Calvin, because "something could happen today and if anything does, by golly, I'm going to be ready for it!" The Lord is in charge and somehow, in His own way and His own timing, miracles will occur.

Being Productive

Yesterday during church, I started writing down all the projects that were sitting at home waiting for me to start and/or finish. Yes. I was bored at church. Actually, it wasn't so much boredom as something the speaker said got my ADD mind off on a tangent. I realized that sometimes I'm pretty lazy when I get home from work because I could do so many different things that I don't know where to focus. I hate feeling lazy. Don't misunderstand me. I like relaxing. I like not rushing from one thing to the next. But I dislike how I feel when I have wasted away the evening. So now I have a list. A list that has everything from doing my taxes to planning my 15-year high school reunion to reading John Adams to upgrading my Macbook to Lion. (As a side-note to my fellow Mac friends, I'm really excited for Mountain Lion.) I also created a separate list of different blog posts I want to write. I have 15 ideas! So my goal this week is to get those all written and schedule them for your reading pleasure. But now I'm off to Park City to take advantage of the holiday sales. Happy President's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Following Directive Counsel

I almost titled this post "Keeping the Commandments" but my roommate and I decided that keeping a journal doesn't fall into the same realm as "Thou Shalt Not Kill" or "Thou Shalt Not Bare False Witness", so "Following Directive Counsel" it is.

For most of my life, I have been horrible at keeping a journal. I've compensated by cutting and pasting emails into a word document and maintaining this blog the past few years. I actually did a great job while in MBA school recording all that was happening, which is good because the events from those 2+ years were "moments of impact" that defined who I am today.

Part of the argument people give for keeping a journal is that it will be a record of your life for future posterity. Well, right now I'm not sure what the future holds for me and I've realized that my experiences can be a benefit for people now. That is one reason why I've actually blogged about a few dates recently and why future posts may seem more personal than in times past. This is my record. It is for me. But I also hope it inspires faith and courage and maybe produce a bit of laughter in all of you.

Let No Man Forget That You Are From Old Virginia!

In October, I went to Virginia to visit a dear friend. He had been inviting me to come visit him for a year or two and I finally stopped waiting for the perfect time and made it happen. Before you start wondering anything about us, the timing of the trip coincided with a bunch of social activities so he could introduce me to guys he has been scoping out for me. Though it was fun to meet new people, the highlights of the trip include visiting historical sights and catching up with old friends.

At the DC Temple

Civil War battle re-enactment at Balls Bluff

Listen to those cannons!

My good friend Cheryl

Trip to Monticello

Do You Have This Much Fun?

I love my job! What makes it so great is the people I work with. Hilarious. Social. Smart. It makes going to work everyday something to look forward to instead of dread. Here is a look into life with the Domo-ites that started with a tweet I posted last night and took off.

Do you have this much fun with the people you work with?

First Time for Everything

In December, I finally had the chance to visit New York City. Yes. I've been to cities in Europe and many in the United States but never to NYC. We took a redeye, which I don't recommend, and landed 3 hours later. Gratefully, we were able to change and clean up a bit when we got to our hotel.

First stop was getting in line for student rush tickets of How to Succeed in Business... with Daniel Radcliffe and John Larroquette. Half of us sat in the cold while the other got breakfast. Hot chocolate never tasted so good! After we got tickets (Yay!!), we headed to lower Manhattan to see the 9/11 Memorial. The memorial was quite sombering. You began to get a sense of the size and scope of the devastation. TVs and documentaries don't quite seem to capture it. Battery Park, the Bull, and Wall Street were next. Kind of geeked out in the financial district. I wanted to see a few more historical sites, including Trinity Church, but the rest of the group wanted to leave. So doing what I did best, I said, "Go ahead. I'll meet you for dinner." Gratefully, my friend Allison came with me. It was nice to break from the big group for a while and mosey at my own pace. Al and I stumbled on some cool buildings and parks, and Trinity Church was breathtaking. Met up with the group for dinner and then went to the show. It was fun to see Daniel Radcliffe in a non-Harry Potter role. Such a fun play!

Day two was a little bit less intense than the first. Everyone slept in but me who wakes up to the light. So I got up and walked down toward the UN Building. I hadn't fallen in love with NY yet. All the buildings and people made me feel a bit claustrophobic and I kept comparing it to other cities. My walk back from the UN changed that. I realized how unique each city is in culture and style. The goal is to embrace the diversity of each city and find its hidden treasures. That epiphany opened my eyes to the beauty of the city. I absolutely loved walking around, taking in all the city had to offer me. For lunch we went to Little Italy and had amazing Italian food. So good! Most of the girls wanted to shop but three of us wanted to check out Central Park. Once again, just walking around the park and absorbing the culture made for a relaxing afternoon. We met up with the group for some plays. Long story short, I decided not to see either of the two plays the group went to that night. Instead, Abby and I sat in Times Square and chatted. I think we both needed that conversation and I'm grateful for that time with her.

I wanted to sleep in the next morning, but I needed to get in line for general rush tickets for Anything Goes—got my tickets!—then met up with Sherstin and Amie to figure out the matinee. We finally found student tickets at Mary Poppins. After that, we went to Macy's, Bergdorf Goodman, and Tiffany's. Fun stores but I didn't buy anything. Then came Mary Poppins and a nap. I was exhausted! I needed to make it through Anything Goes. We met up for dinner at Qdoba, one of my favorite places, before we split up for our different shows. Both shows today were phenomenal! I loved them!

Our Sunday started out with a harbor tour of Lower Manhattan. As you can see from the pictures, we saw Ellis Island, The Statue of Liberty, the financial district, the Empire State Building, the Sears Tower, the UN Building, and the Brooklyn Bridge. Very nice morning. Nice not to be walking anywhere. After the tour, we went to church at the Manhattan LDS temple. Fun story that happened here. I ran into a guy that I dated five years ago. It was really fun to know that even after all this time, I could still turn his head. As we were saying goodbye, he stopped and then invited me to a party that night. Made me smile, especially since my number was still in his cell phone! Met up with the group and we walked around Central Park and FAO Schwartz. The party that night was fun. Fun to meet new people. Fun to talk with Mark. Fun to know that I could still be on someone's mind.

Our last day was mixed with different activities. Most people slept in but I still wanted to see a few things. I walked by Rockefellar Plaza, went to the top of Rockefellar Center, walked by Carnegie Hall, and walked through the NY Public Library. We packed up and headed to the airport in a limo. 

I absolutely loved my time in New York. I'm planning on going back again and my friend who lives there said I could stay with her. I'm really excited because I missed a few museums and Newsies is opening on Broadway. So many fun places to visit, so little vacation time.

Clarification: I don't mind new people looking at my blog. I don't want to move my blog private so I monitor who visits to make sure nothing unusual is happening. The real freakout moment was wondering if date number one stumbled upon my blog, but I realized there is no way he could find it. Slight panic! :)

Tech Nerd

Do you know what makes me paranoid? Seeing an unfamiliar IP address on my blog tracker. Then I have to look at where the person bounced from, what city she (because lets be honest, I might have two guys that regularly follow my blog) was in, and possible people I know in that area. Then my mind races through my different posts, especially the most recent two, to make sure I haven't crucified anyone or revealed too much about anyone or myself. Rest assured, I think I'm okay so far. Still, you random visitors make me nervous.

My New Love

Have you ever heard me talk about how much I hate shopping? If you have, I apologize. Complete lie. I've realized that it wasn't shopping I didn't like. It was knowing I didn't have money to spend and not finding things in my size for things I did like. New job and online shopping have completely transformed me. I love shopping! In fact, I put a shopping ban on myself during January just to catch up financially from all my trips. However, I found the perfect dress. What to do?! The solution actually was very simple. The dress was on backorder and would take 2-3 weeks to ship. That means my credit card would not be charged until February. Perfect! So in 3-4 weeks, this dress will be arriving at my door and I'm really excited. I'm ready for spring!

Way With Words

I love this post on Robert Burns. Wish I was as quick-witted with my speech.

In 1791, riled by a recent review that criticised a supposed abundance of "obscure language" and "imperfect grammar" in his poetry, celebrated Scottish poet Robert Burns channelled his anger and wrote the following magnificent letter to the critic responsible. (Source: The Works of Robert Burns, Volume 4)

Ellisland, 1791.

Dear Sir:

Thou eunuch of language; thou Englishman, who never was south the Tweed; thou servile echo of fashionable barbarisms; thou quack, vending the nostrums of empirical elocution; thou marriage-maker between vowels and consonants, on the Gretna-green of caprice; thou cobler, botching the flimsy socks of bombast oratory; thou blacksmith, hammering the rivets of absurdity; thou butcher, embruing thy hands in the bowels of orthography; thou arch-heretic in pronunciation; thou pitch-pipe of affected emphasis; thou carpenter, mortising the awkward joints of jarring sentences; thou squeaking dissonance of cadence; thou pimp of gender; thou Lyon Herald to silly etymology; thou antipode of grammar; thou executioner of construction; thou brood of the speech-distracting builders of the Tower of Babel; thou lingual confusion worse confounded; thou scape-gallows from the land of syntax; thou scavenger of mood and tense; thou murderous accoucheur of infant learning; thou ignis fatuus, misleading the steps of benighted ignorance; thou pickle-herring in the puppet-show of nonsense; thou faithful recorder of barbarous idiom; thou persecutor of syllabication; thou baleful meteor, foretelling and facilitating the rapid approach of Nox and Erebus.

R.B.

Why I Have ADD

This image captures what I do everyday for work. Now you know why I'm a bit scatterbrained after the day is over. Click the picture to see it in more detail.