100th Post

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence." - Calvin Coolidge

"I am a great believer in luck. I find that the harder I work the more luck I have." - Thomas Jefferson

How Do I Love Thee?

I have many favorite Valentine’s Day memories. Every year since I can remember, my dad has always bought his daughters flowers. Even when I was a little girl, a flower with my name attached would be found waiting for me on our kitchen table. When I was a temple worker, one of my shifts fell on Valentine’s Day. I still remember that session, which included a reunion with a beloved bishop, and I made a promise to attend the temple every Valentine’s Day I could thereafter. One of those times, a poem about my family came to my mind. It was the most incredibly experience to have the words flow into my head. I came home, wrote it (I actually recorded the words on my cell phone on the drive home from the temple), and immediately emailed it to my family. I have an immense amount of love and respect for my family! However, my favorite Valentine’s memory happened while I was an undergrad. Elder Holland came to speak the day after Valentine’s Day and he discussed love and marriage. I have quoted his talk on my blog before, but his words have such an incredible spirit that I wanted to share them again. Many of the quotes will be out of context, which will encourage you to read his talk. For those who want to hear the talk, click here. For those who want to read the talk in its entirety, click here.

I believe that second only to your membership in the Church, your "membership in a marriage" is the most important association you will have in time and eternity--and to the faithful what doesn't come in time will come in eternity.

True charity, the absolutely pure, perfect love of Christ, has really been known only once in this world--in the form of Christ Himself, the living Son of the living God…As in everything, Christ is the only one who got it all right, did it all perfectly, loved the way we are all to try to love. But even though we fall short, that divine standard is there for us. It is a goal toward which we are to keep reaching, keep striving--and, certainly, a goal to keep appreciating.

And as we speak of this, may I remind you, as Mormon explicitly taught, that this love, this ability, capacity, and reciprocation we all so want, is a gift. It is "bestowed"--that is Mormon's word. It doesn't come without effort and it doesn't come without patience, but, like salvation itself, in the end it is a gift, given by God to the "true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ." The solutions to life's problems are always gospel solutions. Not only are answers found in Christ, but so is the power, the gift, the bestowal, the miracle of giving and receiving those answers.

I have taken for a title to my remarks Mrs. Browning's wonderful line "How do I love thee?"… not when do I love thee nor where do I love thee nor why do I love thee nor why don't you love me, but, rather, how. How do I demonstrate it, how do I reveal my true love for you? Real love is best shown in the "how," and it is with the how that Mormon and Paul help us the most.

There are many qualities you will want to look for in a friend or a serious date--to say nothing of a spouse and eternal companion--but surely among the very first and most basic of those qualities will be those of care and sensitivity toward others, a minimum of self-centeredness that allows compassion and courtesy to be evident. There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command--such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.

True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves. That is Christ's great atoning example for us, and it ought to be more evident in the kindness we show, the respect we give, and the selflessness and courtesy we employ in our personal relationships.

To give ourselves totally to another person, as we do in marriage, is the most trusting step we take in any human relationship. It is a real act of faith--faith all of us must be willing to exercise. If we do it right, we end up sharing everything--all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses, and all our joys--with another person.

No serious courtship or engagement or marriage is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it and in so doing trust ourselves totally to the one we love. You cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety's sake. The very nature of the endeavor requires that you hold on to each other as tightly as you can and jump in the pool together. In that spirit, and in the spirit of Mormon's plea for pure love, I want to impress upon you the vulnerability and delicacy of your partner's future as it is placed in your hands for safekeeping--male and female, it works both ways.

In the honesty of our love--love that can't truly be Christlike without such total devotion--surely God will hold me accountable for any pain I cause [my wife] by intentionally exploiting or hurting her when she has been so trusting of me, having long since thrown away any self-protection in order that we could be, as the scripture says, "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

In all that Christ was, He was not ever envious or inflated, never consumed with His own needs. He did not once, not ever, seek His own advantage at the expense of someone else. He delighted in the happiness of others, the happiness He could bring them. He was forever kind.

In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without having the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person's care you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.

At least one difference between a tolerable marriage and a great one may be that willingness in the latter to allow some things to pass without comment, without response.

Think the best of each other, especially of those you say you love. Assume the good and doubt the bad.

One of the great purposes of true love is to help each other in these times. No one ought to have to face such trials alone. We can endure almost anything if we have someone at our side who truly loves us, who is easing the burden and lightening the load. Friends, sweethearts, and spouses need to be able to monitor each other's stress and recognize the different tides and seasons of life. We owe it to each other to declare some limits and then help jettison some things if emotional health and the strength of loving relationships are at risk. Remember, pure love "beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things," and helps loved ones do the same.

Of course such Christlike staying power in romance and marriage requires more than any of us really have. It requires something more, an endowment from heaven. Remember Mormon's promise: that such love--the love we each yearn for and cling to--is "bestowed" upon "true followers of Christ." You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way "never faileth."

Love Is a Battlefield

The women in the MBA program never fail to disappoint the Tanner Building. Our element of fun has reached new heights! Today we celebrated Pink Thursday in honor of Valentine's Day dressing in the most sappy garb possible with pink, purple, red, hearts, flowers, etc. Not only did we look smashing today, but we raised awareness of the MBA Women Love by making a spectacle of ourselves.

The first year MBA women!


The winner is Erin Page!


Cute girls in the program!

Love and C.S. Lewis

My friend Michelle posted this quote on her wall in honor of St. Valentine and I thought I would pass it along.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one and nothing, not even an animal. You must carefully wrap it round with hobbies and little luxuries and routine and avoidances of entanglement, and then lock it up in the casket or coffin of your own selfishness. And this means, in the long run, the alternative to tragedy, or at least to the threat of tragedy, is damnation. For in that casket, safe, still and unventilated in the darkness, it will go bad. Not broken, but finally unbreakable, impenetrable, resistant to all good and joy. It's like hiding the talent in the napkin, and for much the same reason. "I knew thee that thou art a hard man." Christ did not teach and suffer in order that we should become more cautious of our own happiness, even in our natural loves. If a man is not uncalculating, and in that way reckless in loving his earthly beloveds whom he has seen, how will he be in his love for God, whom he has not seen? We should draw nearer to the love of God, not by attempting to avoid the sufferings inherent in any love, but by accepting them and offering them to him, by throwing away all defensive armor, taking all risks, descending when he so wills, into all tribulations."
--CS Lewis, The Four Loves

Hopeful Romantic

I was able to find my favorite commercial on youtube. In honor of Valentine's Day this week, I am sharing it with all of you. It is from DeBeers and called Declaration.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXnDAPOxIKw

Note from Facebook

On facebook right now, people are tagging one another and listing 25 random things about them. Here are my 25 random things, facts, habits or thoughts.

1. One summer I went to EFY (Yes I went and had a great time!) and the program director talked about his dreams. One was to own hotels and another was to produce a Broadway musical. He inspired me! So, I made a list of all the things I wished/hoped/dreamed I could do in my life. Some are extreme and will probably never happen and others are more practical. To date, I have crossed off half of my list.

2. I love being outdoors. Though my dad thinks 4-wheelers are dangerous, I love riding one them. I like camping or maybe I should say I like being in the mountains around a campfire. Sleeping in a tent is never comfortable. Sunsets are absolutely amazing, especially when you watch it with someone. But most of all I love the night sky. I have fond memories of watching the stars with Nettie. One thing I miss about Arizona is the rising full moon. Amazing!

3. So I may love the outdoors but being in the mountains at night scares me to death. Yes, I am afraid of the dark. Once Nettie and I broke down on our way to the cabin. We were only half a mile away but I was petrified. Just when I had the courage to get out of the car and walk, Nettie said that she wasn’t afraid of the animals but random crazy people that could be lurking in the dark. That sealed the deal. We waited an hour for Suzy and Ray to come and hopped in their car.

4. I have a tendency to talk too much. At parent conferences, my mom was always told, “Good student but she talks too much.” I have also been told I am selfish because I am so busy talking and not taking enough time asking others about them. Because of this, I focus on listening to what others are saying and asking them questions about their lives. I know my love of talking can be a great weakness.

5. If you want to know what I’m thinking you have to ask. The best time to get any information you want is when I’m exhausted. Too many people have gotten way too much information when I have been tired. But if you want to know the inner workings of me, get me in a tired slap happy mood and you can find out anything you want.

6. I have an acute sense of direction. If I have been to a place before, I don’t need directions a second time. Often when I am with people who have no sense of direction, it takes every ounce of restraint not to tell them where to go.

7. Nettie and I drove to Las Vegas once just for food. Our first purpose was to buy cheesecakes from Cheesecake Factory for my mom’s birthday. While there we got food to go from my favorite place to eat and ate dinner at a restaurant only located in Vegas and Hawaii.

8. I love Peanut Butter M&Ms but will only buy them at Easter time. The regular ones are good but the Easter PB M&Ms are divine.

9. My favorite foods are bread, meat, and cheese in that order.

10. Growing up during the summer, I would walk around the neighborhood barefoot. I still prefer walking without shoes but weather and social decency usually dictates me wearing shoes.

11. I love walking places. Growing up in a small town it was easy to walk places. When I went to college my mom asked me not to walk by myself at night, knowing that was a favorite activity at home. I have been pretty good about that one. Not perfect, but pretty good.

12. I had my first pair of glasses at the age of 4. I wasn’t allowed (by my eye doctor) to get contacts until I was 16. So I was the nerdy girl who had the thick horrible glasses. I had LASIK surgery three years ago and it was money well spent.

13. I am a texture eater. I like apples but not cooked apples in pie. I like the flavor of onions but biting into them is not a pleasant experience. Some foods I just don’t like though I have made an effort to expand foods I’ll eat and have been adding about two foods a year.

14. I love waffles. Not pancakes. Waffles. You may think they are the same thing but the texture is a bit different. My mom’s waffles are the best! Mostly because she throws evil ingredients like cream into them. Oh, I also grew up on homemade syrup so I think the store bought stuff is very thick and rich.

15. I have ADD. Not really, but it feels like that at times. I am always fidgeting with something or just easily distracted. As Nettie would say, “Focus!”

16. I like quoting movies. Some of my favorites are from Mickey and the Beanstalk, Three Musketeers, any Disney movie, and yep! So many quotes, so little time.

17. I really like cooking but don’t like cooking for myself.

18. Our house was by an alfalfa field and we would get lots of stray kitties come and go. We had fun naming them: Beatrice, Othello, Kiefer, Grady, Spock, Moshka, Garmisch, Parten, Kirchen, Whitesis, Prince Charming, Otis, and others.

19. My dad taught me how to hold my breath under water. I learned to swim under water two lengths of my grandparent’s swimming pool. I can swim a full Olympic size pool length with a bit of practice.

20. I have never gotten a speeding or traffic ticket. Have been pulled over six or more times, once with a police escort, but I have never gotten a ticket.

21. I have a fetish for Broadway musicals. I’m not a connoisseur. I don’t even know what is currently playing, but usually love what I hear. Some favorite songs are “Lily’s Eyes” from Secret Garden, “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables” from Les Miserables, “Back to Before” from Ragtime, “In His Eyes” from Jekyll and Hyde, “When I Look at You” from Scarlet Pimpernel, and “Home” from Beauty and the Beast.

22. My favorite subject to study is the Civil War. My dream vacation is to start in Gettysburg and drive to different battle sites including Antietam, Manassas, Fredericksburg, Chancellorsville, Wilderness, Richmond, and Appomattox. Then travel down through North Carolina, South Carolina and over to Georgia. Then hit Chattanooga, Chickamauga, Shiloh, and Vicksburg. I get really excited just thinking about it.

23. When I went to college my parents pleaded with me to go to class. My other two sisters were told to please make time to have fun. Apparently, my social side got the better of me in high school. Because of that promise, I won’t skip class. I feel really guilty if I skip because as an eighteen year old, I told my parents I would go to class.

24. My friend Anna once said I was the most hopeful romantic person she has ever met. Ambiance really does make a moment. One of my favorite commercials is an old Lifesaver commercial. A father and daughter are sitting on a cliff watching the sunset and eating Lifesavers. As the sun sets you hear him saying, “Going, going, and gone.” The little girl looks up at her dad and says, “Do it again Daddy.” Not a romantic moment but one completely filled with ambiance. Of course my other favorite commercial has them both. I won’t describe that one but I will say it is in Venice, has a guy, a girl, and produces a giddy romantic smile every time. :)

25. As you can tell, I remember little details. I can describe many moments in life with specifics. If you have told me a story about a time you wandered off from home and were found riding your bike down main street, I will remember it. I listen to what people tell me and watch what is happening around me. The world is a fascinating place.

More on the Family

My sister Lucy posted an article on her blog that illustrated another tactic and assault on the family.