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Game Changing Woman

I read. A lot. Not books — and I should change that — but short articles from lots of different sites: Read Write Web, Big Think, Eloqua Blog, 85 Broads, etc.

The “founding members” of 85 Broads were women who worked for Goldman Sachs at 85 Broad Street in New York City. It now includes women from all over the world. Recently, they posted an article that really captures the power women have to make a difference. To all you women who read my blog, remember this when you're feeling down. To all you men, you're probably married to a game changing woman. Make sure you let her know that.

We’ve been getting this question fairly often lately. “What makes a woman a game changer?” In order to describe it more deeply than “Well, you know, she’s awesome.” We came up with a few ideas:

She has swagger. She is love. She can run four blocks in heels. She can run a marathon. She can swim bike run and/or play a musical instrument and/or change a tire all on her own. She’s independent. She’s warm. If she’s a mother/wife/girlfriend, it is to someone that she chose. Not because she needs a partner, but because they make her more herself. She laughs with her whole self. She breathes. Slowly. Sometimes to take it all in. Sometimes to keep from blowing up. She is courageous and fiery and ferocious if need be. She kisses boo boos. She can parallel park like a champion. She has an invisible crown, halo, superhero cape and magic wand. She takes the good with the bad. She goes after everything she wants in life. Without guilt. She leaves it all on the field. She gives it everything she has. She fails. She succeeds. Most importantly, she tries. She’s in the game. Not on the sidelines. She revels in quiet, calm stillness. She makes sure she is heard when she has something to say. She can be afraid, but respects fear and moves forward anyways. She makes babies. She makes money. She makes up her own mind about when and where and with whom to do both. She is joy, happiness, determination and perseverance all rolled into one. She is any and all of the above. She knows herself, loves herself and above all, she is always herself. She’s a game changer.

Completely Agree

I like December :)

They weren't the first but pretty darn close.

Eyes of a Child

Obviously I didn't continue my days of gratitude for November. Oh well. Not going back.

I realized that I've been missing out on something I love doing: writing and telling stories. My blog is the best place to do that because I don't want to be over-sharing on Facebook and for the most part, I know who reads my blog. So I'm trying to re-dedicate time to something I love and that is important to me.

Story time...

My sister and brother-in-law brought their kids to Disneyland and the beach for Thanksgiving. Yesterday my nephew shared with me their adventure and I got a kick out of his comments. In describing where they stayed he exclaimed, "It was a real hotel. Like a ho-ho-hotel. Not just a motel, but a hotel. It was like 10 stories high! And the breakfast buffet was so good. It had everything...like bacon!"

I just cracked up laughing. I guess we regularly stay in 2 story motels and the thought of having to ride the elevator to his room was a new experience. And what made the breakfast good to him was having bacon. Ah, the joys of an eight-year-old. Two days at Disneyland, a day at the beach, and bacon. But I have a hard time disagreeing with him. What's not to like?

A montage of pics from their beach trip

It's that time of year again, where I focus on the things I am grateful for. For all of you who have been looking for updates the past couple of months, you can count on them coming the next few weeks.

I am extremely grateful for my friends. The first of October I was in New York and Boston for work. While in New York, I met up with my MBA friends Ann Marie and Mathew; in Boston, Emily and I hit the town. My MBA friends are the best. Seriously.

Shake Shack in New York

Giacomo's in Boston

My good friend Mel had just moved Rhode Island. I decided to take a couple of days off since I was out there, and she and I were able to find a time to meet for the day. I had a blast spending the day with her and her family. No matter where she has lived, I've always been welcomed at her house. Kind, caring, and fun. Always a good time when I'm with Mel.

Cute girls in Rhode Island!

Peace of the Spirit

I've been struggling lately with a very difficult decision. I actually don't have to make this decision right now. But on Friday, a significant change could take place in my life and if that happens, I'm not sure what to choose. I wake up with a heavy heart, confused and uncertain. One moment of the day I hope to keep things as they are. Another moment, I'm ready to move two states away for a new adventure. Both appeal to me. Both will have great rewards. Both make me doubt what is best for me.

Today as I was sitting at work, peace finally flooded my soul. Oh what joy comes from feeling the Holy Ghost. What a miraculous and precious gift! A light in times of darkness. How I've craved the sweet spirit that I have felt the past hour.

I have no idea what will happen. No idea the end result. But I know the Lord is acutely aware of my needs and my struggle. All will be well. Thanks to all for your prayers. They have been a great source of strength.

(Rest of the story: I have a job interview that has gone from application, to first and second interviews, to a fly back in a matter of one week. If I get an offer, I have to choose between a job I really enjoy in a place I'm not too keen on right now and a job that could be good in a place that I've tried to move to for six years. Have no clue what to do if I get an offer.)

I'm Dizzy from the Ride

I've said it before. It's the unexpected that changes our lives. That seems to be a theme for me, but for once it would be nice to have expected things happen. None of this random out of the blue job interview right when things have finally gotten normal. None of this someone could be interested now but isn't doing a thing about it. None of this "Let's take you for a fun ride before something good comes." Can something come that isn't such a whirlwind? I guess if it's my life, the answer is no. Yes. This one is cryptic. Can't explain anything more right now. Need to go to bed. Heading out for the weekend and unfortunately I know craziness is going to ensue. Please pray that I will remain sane and that the Lord will guide me to do what I need to do and say what I need to say.

Bad Habit

I think we all have habits that we don't like. My problem is one of my worst habits doesn't bother me. I stay up late. Too late. Especially to get to work the next morning. I'm a night owl and find the evening cathartic. Everyone else is asleep and I can let my mind wonder as I do the most random things: cleaning my room, doing laundry, reading a book, catching up on my blog. Some of my favorite conversations have happened late at night. Just the two (or three or four) of us sitting under the night sky and talking about our life adventures.

It's almost midnight now and though I need to get some sleep (the 30 minute nap during sacrament meeting won't compensate for a few hours tonight), I don't want to. I want to reminisce about good times with friends and family: laughing under the night sky with my sister as her boyfriend sat quietly wondering what the two of us were giggling about; relaxing on a park bench with a dear friend talking about our hopes for the future and being reminded how much I miss him even though it's been six years since the accident; talking near the base of a mountain with the most unexpected; thinking about spiritual impressions and current events and what that means for my future; remembering the pure innocence of childhood and how much fun I had growing up.

Life is interesting isn't it? It's made up of all these different puzzle pieces that may not mean much when looked at individually, but when placed together the world becomes alive and your understanding of what has happened in the past only excites you for the future. I'm incredibly happy right now. No cryptic message or hidden meaning here. Just sitting in my front room reflecting on all the good things the Lord has brought my way.

How I Would Like to Live My Life

Family Fun

Zion National Park feels like my backyard. We went often as a family (along with Bryce Canyon and Capital Reef) since it was so close to where I grew up. I love Zions. And I love my family. This summer I got both. For our annual reunion, we all met up in St. George (minus my sister-in-law who was in school and my niece who had a "not mandatory but highly recommended" soccer camp). We had such a great time hiking, playing at the pool, watching Aladdin at Tuacahn, and working just being together. 

I did have to work a bit each day, and I managed that by getting up at 6am each morning to be ready to leave by 9am for family time and working from 10pm-1am each night. It was an exhausting schedule, and one that made me resent my job the past few months, but it was the only way I could do what needed to be done and still spend time with my family. (The reason I had to work that week was the director of marketing gave his two weeks notice before my vacation and left that was his last week. A lot of his responsibilities fell on me.)

Here are pictures highlighting the fun hikes and family time:

I'm back...

well sort of. I realized the last post I wrote was in August and it was kind of depressing. Not me at all. I'm happy to report that the optimistic, full of hope me is back. I think (I hope). I have so much I need to record, but all of my pictures are on my other computer and the battery is dead. I really should start bringing my power cord home if I'm going to use my work computer to play games and stuff. Anyway, I'm off topic. Updates will begin this weekend when I will not be working. Yes. I finally figured out this whole "I have a million things to do for work and can never do them all."

How did I solve this problem? Easy. I crossed off all the things on my list that were never going to happen, and when someone asked if he could help, gave him something that still needed to get done. Next, I talked with my boss about key issues that were bothering me. That wasn't easy. It required a lot of humility on my part to admit I couldn't do everything. She was more supportive than I anticipated. Now the biggest issue still isn't resolved, but both she and I are working on it. Hoping for something good soon. I also decided that if I worked two 12-hour days each week, I could have my weekends. That may seem horrible, but it's made a difference for me. I get a lot done when everyone leaves the office, and I can focus on meetings and group projects when everyone is there. The biggest change I made was shifting my attitude. I realized I could whine and complain about a situation or I could approach each day with a renewed optimism and a determination not to let things bother me. Easier said than done. But it's made a world of difference. I feel a bit more like Nephi "Nevertheless I went forth" than Laman and Lemuel "Grumble in the morning; grumble at night..." I feel more like myself AND I'm loving my job again.

Good things are coming from this change in me and at work. First, I'm taking next Friday off for a weekend in California and a couple of days in October while traveling for work in Boston. Really excited about that one. Yay for being able to go on vacation! Second, working late has given me more interactions with my CEO. Tuesday night I was working late and as he was heading out the door with a group to go to dinner, he shouted out to me that I was invited too. Well, the CEO invited me to dinner. I wasn't going to pass that up. What a great evening! Had so much fun with the CEO, a couple of other execs, and co-workers. New mantra: When the CEO invites you to dinner, drop everything and go. Totally worth it! Third, I'm loving my church calling and the girls. I'm the Laurel adviser. What a fun calling! The girls and I have decided that every 2nd Sunday is treat night at my place. These girls bring such joy into my life. They know I'm busy with work and experienced it the other night when I logged onto the internet at the church building to email something before a deadline and before we took off for the activity. They laughed with me about that, but also understood me a bit more which helped them open up about themselves.

So life is good. Still many bumps. But I'm handling things much better now. More updates on the fun adventures of me coming soon.

He Hears Me

Today I had the sweetest experience. I attended the wedding of a good friend and was overcome with emotion when the sealer walked into the room. Years ago, this sealer Elder Dennis E. Simmons gave a talk titled "But If Not..." in general conference and it has become my foundation for life, especially when I'm approaching a difficult decision or being bombarded with adversity.

I've been so busy with work lately. Since my boss left in June, I average 10-12 hour work days. I usually work late on Friday evenings and most Saturdays. I struggle to not work on Sunday because I have a meeting first thing Monday morning, my new boss wants the presentation Sunday evenings (she isn't LDS) to review, and I usually don't get the numbers I need from people until Saturday evening if not Sunday morning. On Wednesday at 5:30, a bunch of assignments were piled on my plate even though I had already scheduled to have Thursday and Friday off. So, I worked until 1am until I was too tired to think, then got up the next day and worked another four hours, barely having enough time to help my parents which is why I took the time off in the first place. I worked everyday of my family's yearly vacation; my brother invited me to California with his family at the end of July and I felt I could only take two days off if I wanted a real vacation; and today I received a notice from my boss telling me I couldn't take any more time off until I had two people trained on our marketing automation system (something I've spent more than 100+ hours learning) because a catastrophe happened today and I wasn't around to fix it. And if I'm honest in this confession, the person who emailed the rant about not having a backup for me could have fixed the problem if he'd have looked at the situation more closely. No worries though. I solved the problem even though I had taken today off to be at my friend's wedding.

So when the sealer started with saying, "It's good to be in the temple today..." I began to cry. It was so good to be in the temple, to feel the peace of the Spirit without being bogged down by worldly cares. He continued reminding us that the world would have us pursue wealth but the Lord reminds we should only seek that which is sufficient for our needs. I realized that so much of my time and decisions center around something that is fourth or fifth on my priority list. I've been praying the past few months to know what to do and how to change my situation. I don't have an answer, but I know the Lord is aware of my need. He sent a tender mercy my way today. One that was very much needed.

In One Week...

I'll be here. With no computer. Phone in the hotel room. Taking a real vacation.

Radio Silence

I've been lax in updating my blog. But I have a good reason. I'm in the middle of a project that needs tweaking. Since I'm very superstitious, I don't want to say too much until I have an end result. But I'm hopeful. It would be a huge change for me.

Other things that are demanding my time: work, work, and more work. My colleague went on maternity leave four weeks early at the first of May. My boss gave his two weeks notice the first of June. That equates to me doing three different jobs. I went on vacation with my family and had to work every day. I didn't submit anytime off for that week. I've traveled to Los Angeles and San Francisco for work and will be traveling to Minneapolis and Milwaukee next week. Gratefully I have a couple of vacations planned where I will be disconnected. I've told my co-workers that I will be leaving my laptop at work and my cell phone in the hotel room. Here's hoping for relief soon.

Quote of the Day

"Optimism is not so much about feeling happy, nor necessarily a belief that everything will be fine, but about how we respond when times get tough. Optimists tend to keep going, even when it seems as if the whole world is against them." —Elaine Fox, a psychologist at the University of Essex in England

I hope to be remembered as an optimist.

Holding On For Dear Life

I love xkcd. I'm a bit of a tech nerd and find their comics hilarious. But they also find a way to capture the human emotion. I find myself facing many decision right now and yet not knowing any of the options. So here I am holding on for dear life as I'm hurtled along life's path faster than I possibly know how to go. Here goes nothing...

Happy Father's Day!

I love this picture of my dad and me.

Read this article: 50 Rules for Dads of Daughters. I loved it. Reminded me so much of my dad.

I really have an amazing dad!

Sunday Reflections

To my renewed love of reading: Thank you. I've missed you. Sitting and reading a book, even one as dense as John Adams, for hours has been refreshing. It's also sparked some interesting dreams again.

To my dreams: If you are going to make a complicated love triangle, can you make sure to finish it the next night? I'm interested to see how this one plays out. Also, the science experiment the hot guy and I were working on last night was awesome. Keep it up.

To my dear friend: The 2 1/2 hour conversation made my day. Definitely need to do that more often. Glad to hear you are doing well.

To you who didn't call: You missed out.

To my former student: Thanks for the kind words. It's good to hear I'm still making a difference.

To my roommate: I love that you texted me from London. Live it up.

To the the crabby guy who emailed me at work: I don't know you. You don't know me. Was I really worth your time to make such a disparaging comment? I didn't think so.

To ABC Family: Thanks for making cheesy movies to watch on a Sunday night. Great contrast to the heavy reading (see above) I'm trying to finish before Wednesday.

To the chocolate chip cookies: Sorry I didn't have any eggs. But it was Sunday. Not going to the store. I'll have to make you tomorrow.

To my morning run: Only two more of you I have to do. Then I get to run because I want to.

To the half marathon on Saturday: Be kind.

To my lazy weekend: I don't remember the last time I had one. Felt nice not to be rushing from one thing to the next. Also, thank you clouds for making it overcast so I could finish my long run in spite of the 80 degree weather.

To my family and friends: You truly are amazing!

Copying What Works

I usually don't post things without my own commentary. However, today is an exception. I love this! Worth sharing without my thoughts getting in the way.

"Perhaps your anxiety is specific to magicians"

I found that quote in a strangely-translated instruction manual for an obscure but beautiful trick.

But it has wide applicability.

Perhaps your anxiety is specific to artists or musicians or to anyone who has to stand up and stand out and stand for something.

It turns out that your anxiety isn't specific at all. Perhaps it is due to the fact that you're trying to control things that you can't possibly control.

Your anxiety might merely be a sign that you care deeply about your work.

Anxiety is almost never a useful emotion to carry around. Even for magicians.

Now that you've been reminded that you care, it pays to let the anxiety go. Good riddance.

To Live Would Be an Awfully Big Adventure

My roommate and I were talking last night and she commented about the differences between our lives. She lamented that nothing random or crazy ever happened to her like they do me (see movie moment post). I laughed and told her that with all the fun also comes the trial. You can't experience all the wonderful moments life has to offer if you aren't willing to accept the adversity that comes with it too. Knowing the sweet cannot happen without the bitter. I love my life. Yes, it's been very difficult at times. But I've also had the most amazing experiences. Living, with all the ups and downs, has been my greatest adventure.

Once Upon a Time...

...a girl searched for answers to life. Everything unexpected came her way and life became a complicated mess. She wondered at the next step to take, the next turn to make, the next chasm to cross. While sitting at dinner deeply perplexed, an answer came as clear as the sun on a cloudless day. But what was asked made no sense to her. It couldn't happen. It shouldn't happen. Everyone would think she was crazy. One particular person would find her downright mad. Sleep escaped her that night as the answer weighed on her mind. Over and over again the debate played out until finally she succumbed and agreed. The next morning, she stepped into the dark unknown and began her journey. Someone was looking out for her as she traversed this path. Doors opened. Opportunities came. Miracles unfolded. And suddenly, she landed in a place she knew she needed to be but still wondered why. As events played out more insights came, more situations experienced, and more wonders unfolded. Overwhelmed did not begin to describe the feelings of gratitude or confusion she felt. A divine hand was definitely involved, even though the reason remained unclear. However, she trusted in that higher power and pressed forward little realizing the story had just begun...

Riddikulus

Sometimes I laugh at the things that pop out of my mouth. What I mean to say sounds so normal in my head, but when the words actually are said, they sound so ridiculous. Tonight I was out shopping with my roommate and while contemplating the inevitable purchase that we both knew was coming, these words slipped out: I really can't afford to buy this. I just bought a website today.

No. I didn't buy a website, but I did buy a domain name for a project I'm working on. Yes. I bought the outfit.

Why I Love My Job

Google Hangout with the marketing team

No Lasting Regrets

I read this article today and loved it so much. Great lessons to live by and explanation as to why I make the decisions I do. I'd rather fail miserably than wonder what if? about something. I have no idea what is around the corner for me right now, but whatever it is, it's going to be good.

“I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others expected of me.”

Many people will go to great lengths to avoid failure. I certainly get this; I don’t like to fail either. However, I hate to be stuck even more than failing.  If given the choice of failing or being stuck, I take failing.  You know why?  Because I believe that I’ll just dust myself off and try again. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just dust myself off…and try again. Rinse, lather, repeat. This is the way YOU need to think about life.  The bottom line is this: failing is not a great feeling, but it’s so much better than NOT going after your dream. At least you’re moving in SOME direction.  In the end, you won’t regret not being courageous enough to go after your dream. There will never be the perfect time to go after what you want— you just have to make right now the right time.

Lesson for the Day

I've had 14-15 hours of total sleep the past three nights. I'm physically and emotionally spent from the fun-filled weekend. As I was contemplating something that happened over the weekend and how I wanted to react, I saw this line hanging next to my desk: When in doubt, default to calm and kind. I'm not angry about anything, but that advice just hit me. No matter what the situation in life, that default button seems to be the best answer.

Movie Moment

I think at one time or another we've all hoped for that movie moment. You know the kind I'm talking about. The meet-cute where two people are brought together in an unlikely situation that couldn't have been planned by either of them. Well, I finally had my movie moment and it's so fun that I had to share.

I went to California this past weekend for a big mid-singles conference in Huntington Beach. I had low expectations. I had been involved with a guy in a weird sort of long distance situation but that recently ended. We weren't dating but we did have a lot of interaction. So I was going to the conference with an open mind and hoping to have some fun. 

I was late getting to the airport. Busy day and I misjudged timing. I got to the security line 30 minutes before my flight was scheduled to depart. Gratefully, I got through in 10 minutes and then ran to my gate which was the furthest possible place from the security line. I breathed a sigh of relief as I arrived to my gate and heard the announcement that our plane was delayed. Whew! I sat down and caught my breath and took a moment to relax.

When boarding was finally called for my flight, I got up and headed over towards the line. I heard a voice behind me ask hesitantly, "Annette?" For a brief second I thought nothing of it but remembered how often my sister and I have been mistaken for one another. I turned and saw a guy looking at me curiously. I realized the question came from him and replied, "No. But I'm her sister." We laughed and introduced ourselves to one another. He and my sister were in the same ward in the Bay area, and he told me later that he when saw me, he thought I looked like my sister but not exactly. If it was my sister, he didn't want to be rude and took a shot and said something. I'm glad he did.

Turns out we were both heading towards the same conference. As we walked towards the plane, he asked where I was staying and how I was getting there. I told him I was renting a car and I asked if he needed a ride. He did. He had planned on taking a cab but since he was staying so close to me it worked out for him to ride with me. I took my seat on the plane and it turns out he was sitting the row behind me. He changed seats with the person sitting by me and we talked most of the flight. Picked up the car the airport and talked all the way to his place as well. Charming, intelligent guy.

So do I have a movie ending? That remains to be seen. He has my number and I've seen him multiple times throughout the conference. Nice guy and we have things in common. But I realize how important it is for him to chase me. I learned that with the last guy—who by the way was at the conference as well (Definitely not interested in me anymore). It's nice to know that the Lord is constantly looking out for us and placing people in our way at the most opportune times. I also love that I finally had my movie moment.

Shockingly Rare

This image relates far too well to my current situation: job and dating. Can you guess where I fit with each one?

I Know How You Love a Good Adventure

Today, I realized I had the following in my car:

• tarp
• blanket
• jacket
• car emergency kit
• running clothes and shoes
• climbing clothes, shoes, and harness
• temple clothes and pencil skirt

What can I say? Just being prepared for any adventure that comes calling.

My Mother's Day Tribute

For a mom who caught all the pain I couldn’t heal, who wore the cape when I was too tired, who always had a supply of chocolate and an extra set of rain boots. She taught me how to see the world when the world was dark and cold. And when I was blind, she showed me how to find the ocean and to taste all that lay before me. My eyes shine because of her. She is my mother.

There’s a wonderful poem that reads: “Oh snail / Climb Mount Fuji / But slowly / Slowly.” My advice is to work hard, find inspiration in unconventional places, and don’t rush it. You will get there when you stop trying to get there. —Joe Chernov

Scariest Thing Imaginable

Whenever something new or overwhelming comes my way, I find myself paralyzed, unable to move. I've had a few of those recently. After talking with my boss a few weeks ago about a frustration at work, I realized I didn't understand the depth of the feelings I was experiencing. I took some time over that weekend to reflect on what was holding me back and realized, after reading an article, that it was fear. The author had asked his audience to tell him their biggest fears. The results astounded me. The most common two fears were quite...contrary.

1. Fear of failure
2. Fear of success

After the conversation with my boss, I was assigned new projects at work, something that nobody was working on or had worked on, and I was now responsible for them. Though I was excited about this idea, it also generated quite the internal conflict between failure and success. What if I completely bombed the projects? What if I succeeded, raised expectations, and then failed? What would they think of me then?

I feared failure but the thought of success was just as unnerving. I know. Sounds crazy. But it was the reality I was living in. And I found those same feelings came with thoughts of dating.

Of course, the author also brought up exactly what I was trying to avoid. "In between failure and success lies comfort and mediocrity. Living in comfort isn’t really living at all...Comfort is a feeling that holds us back. Comfort keeps us mediocre." In trying not to fail, I was allowing myself to be average and boring. I was holding on to the status quo. To really grow and become more, I had to take that leap of faith, break out of my shell, and embrace change.

So I'm tackling a few projects, both professionally and personally, that are challenging me. I have no idea how any of this will play out, but I'm trying. I'm plowing forward and doing all I can—which, ironically, in one case is to do nothing. I'm already seeing great results at work. Now, I'm just waiting to see how all this personal stuff plays out. Going to be an interesting adventure but one that will be far more enjoyable than sitting around waiting comfortably in my pseudo-protected bubble. Whenever I'm feeling nervous or discomfort or fear, I remember a favorite movie quote*, strap on my Calvin suit, and face the world head-on.

*"Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable."

Driving Limits

As I was driving home from work yesterday, I thought about limits in terms of speed limits. Somehow my brain was able to dig up in the random school file hidden somewhere deep in the recess of my brain the mathematical concept of upper and lower limits. At that moment, I finally realized why people have a difficult time with speed limits on the freeway. Too many think of the speed limit as the upper limit. Whereas others—myself included—view it as the lower limit. If you aren't going at least the speed limit, you aren't in an acceptable range. Of course, I recognize an upper limit does exist and I find that to be 10-15 mph above the lower limit. My understanding of freeway speeds has taken me to a much higher dimension (or is it actually lower?) than I should ever admit. Oh well. Now you get an idea of what I think about while driving.

Setting Goals

I like setting goals. I like feeling like I am accomplishing something. Some of my goals are pretty simple: Not eating any candy while at work; not falling while at the climbing gym; not letting technology run my life (which annoys those who call or text me and my phone is on silent and nowhere near me). While others are a bit more difficult: Working out before I got to work (6am anyone?); coming home and reading instead of watching tv (which actually is getting much easier); making time for the important things. My favorite goals are those that can't be measured. They test my courage and push me to become more than I am. Remember my three goals for the new year?

• All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.
  
• All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and good things happen.
  
• To be surprised.

Right now I feel like all three are actively pursing me. So I'm meeting them head-on and it's an interesting ride. No, I have nothing to report. No big surprises. No life changing events. But one day, all of that will change because of these three random, immeasurable goals.

Life Lessons Learned

Today KSL highlighted an article with Elizabeth Smart. In the article she said something that resonated with me and I hope that I can live my life with the same optimistic outlook.

"Nobody is trial-free, but we have a choice. We can choose to allow our experiences to hold us back, and to not allow us to become great or achieve greatness in this life. Or we can allow our experiences to push us forward, to make us grateful for every day we have and to be all the more thankful for those who are around us."

Quote of the Day

‎"There is no royal road to anything worth having. We must work for what we get. The prizes are not for the weaklings and triflers, but for the persistent, earnest individuals who will “hang on” until they succeed." -Theron Q. Dumont

Spring Morning

Out of the bosom of the Air,
Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,
Over the woodlands brown and bare,
Over the harvest-fields forsaken,
Silent, and soft, and slow
Descends the snow.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Political Activism

Yes. I am a state delegate for Utah's Republican Convention in April. I went to the caucus meeting in March, listened to what people were saying, and realized, "I can do this. Actually, I want to do this." I had one of those "Oh crap!" moments. You know those right? When you become aware of what your mind has been telling you all along.

The thought of running for a state delegate first came when a letter was read in church encouraging us to become actively involved in the political process. I dismissed it. It came again as we were walking into the meeting that night. I figured I was just being cocky. When it came the third time, I went with it. I prayed and asked, "What should I say?" The answer came quickly and clearly, and the rest is history.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with all that is going on but I'm enjoying being involved. I listen to debates and to the candidates more than I have in the past. The state convention is going to be an interesting event with many people wanting to oust Senator Hatch from his office. I'm curious to see how this all plays out.

On another note, I had an "Oh crap!" moment the other day while traveling for work. Wonder what will come of that one...

Life is Good

Loved watching General Conference this weekend, especially with this little guy. He's kind of captured my heart.

My New Hobby...

Parallel Lives

Today I was reminded once again how similar my life is to a year ago—different situations but parallel in circumstance. Last year on this exact day, the last Monday in March, someone's decision made me mad. Okay not mad. Furious. Outraged. Tasmanian devil, hair on fire, incensed at what had just unfolded. (Someone once asked my sister if she was always happy. She responded, "90% of the time." "What about the other 10%?" "You don't want to see that 10%." That's where I was. At the 10%.) It took me THREE days to calm down! It may have continued longer than that, but the Lord was looking out for me. I was shopping at the Outlets in Park City, standing in GAP, when I heard a voice. "Thamina, either you trust me or you don't." I stopped. What? It came again. "Either you trust me or you don't." I stopped for a second. Realized the simplicity of the statement. Exhaled. And released all anger with that breath. I trusted the Lord. I made some decisions that day that forever changed my life.

We don't get many opportunities in life to have a do-over or a second chance at something, but I found myself in a parallel situation. Someone's actions had an effect on me and I got another shot to "try again." Instead of reacting quickly, I took a moment for me. I thought about what I really wanted, what outcome I was hoping for, and what I needed to do to get that result. I care about this person and didn't want to be mad, even though I had every right to be. I read my scriptures seeking guidance, and I was filled with compassion and kindness as I read about the atonement and the infinite mercy of our Lord and Savior (Thank-you Alma!). I knew then how to respond. Still not sure of the outcome. We'll see on this one. But I'm grateful I had a chance to act differently.

BFFs

I have some of the greatest friends! When something unexpected happened yesterday, two of them immediately reached out to me, one all the way from France! I love my friends!

For those who know what happened yesterday, know that I am fine. I really don't care. I have something else on the horizon that has me preoccupied for the moment. For those that don't know, shoot me an email or text or gchat or phone call. I'm happy to share.

Having amazing friends and family are such a blessing. Love you all!

Thoughts of the Day

Instead of creating a bunch of different blog posts, I thought you'd enjoy the random thoughts that go through my head each day.

A week or so ago, a guy emailed me on an online dating site. He looked like a nice guy so I responded. We emailed a couple of times until the guy's email last night. He gave me a nickname. Not just any nickname. One I detest. I shouldn't judge him for trying to be flirty, but seriously?! He doesn't know me well enough to shorten my name.

At work today, a co-worker explained that she drank hot water because she heard it was better to drink water that was close to body temperature. Now that just sounded weird to me. Hot water was better than cold water? Does your body care? And wouldn't it require more energy to heat up the cold water which would help you lose weight or even speed up your metabolism? I know I'm not a doctor or nutritionist but random health claims always remind me of my sister. Whenever somebody claims something is all natural, her reply is "So is dirt."

This morning as I was laying in bed I decided I wasn't going to do something. Then as I was getting ready, I had a clear thought that went completely contrary to what I said I wasn't going to do. I should learn not to say "I never" but I did start to wonder. When is it a random thought or something I want to do, and when is it a spiritual impression? I'm over 30. You'd think I'd have that figured out by now, but I don't. I decided that something that clear and specific should be acted upon. Better to act then wonder "what if". However, I'm still not sure on this one.

I found this quote today and thought, "Yes! I'm getting there!" I felt like the spirited me was on the comeback. “The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-talking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong.” I read that after I acted on the thought from the morning. Taking a risk and hoping for the best.

Called to Serve

My parents have been called to serve in the Mexico Area Office as the area medical advisor (dad) and assistant to the area medical advisor (mom). They are specifically assigned to the Mexico City East Mission but will serve multiple missions in the area. Thanks to technology all of the family was able to watch or listen to them open the call via Google+ Hangout. I was able to capture my parents' expressions when the call was read. I love my mom's face on the second photo. Mexico was definitely not on the list of expected places. Since my dad is fluent in German we all thought maybe somewhere in Europe but the Lord had other plans. The family is thrilled for my parents!! Fun, exciting times ahead!

Worth the Risk

I've been tagging all my old blog posts so they are more easily searchable. Take a look at the tags along the side. Nice, huh?

As I've been re-living the last four years of my life, I've been fascinated by the person who wrote these blogs. First, she left out a lot of information!! No wonder some of you are confused by her random thoughts. I'm here to tell you there's more to the story than what is written here. Ask her sometime. She's more than happy to let you in on the secret.

Second, this girl was a fighter. My favorite quote so far is "I am grateful for my bull-headed, risk taking, no regrets personality. I believe I have lived a better life because of it." When did I get shy and reserved? Somewhere along the lines that fiery passion got smothered. I know it's still there somewhere and I need to find it. Stoke it. Re-kindle the flame. Build the confidence to take the risks in front of me. I know it's worth it.

Girl Brain on Steroids

This week has been bit of a trying week. We all have those moments when we feel off our game or out of sorts. Add deleting a bunch of documents, pictures, and emails from the past few years and I became a mixed mess of emotions. What's interesting about this situation is my logical, rational brain knew exactly what was going on and kept trying to tell what I call "Girl Brain" to calm down. Then one day, I had a realization about myself and the tactics the adversary uses against us. Here's my story:

On Monday I woke up with a big weight on my soul. I wanted to give up on future possibilities. Didn't think I could handle anymore uncertainty in life. As I drove to work, I started thinking about how I was feeling and realized I was discouraged about the current situation, had been distracted by frivolous pursuits of nothingness all weekend along, and was doubting all the good things that had happened the week before. It's as if a light turned on in my brain! I knew the adversary was working heavily on me and that I had even let him in a bit by choosing to be distracted with technology.

That really opened my mind and heart to the whisperings of the Spirit. I had to choose to push these outside influences out of me so that I could make room for the Spirit in my life. The rest of my Monday was filled with the fruits of the Spirit and I'm grateful that I was able to "snap out of it" as quickly as I did.

Of course the adversary didn't give up that easily. We still had a few battles this week but I knew I was being attacked by the adversary with how I was feeling. What I needed most was how to arm myself and fight off the assault. This scripture and going to the temple gave me the tools and the power I needed. My commentary is in parentheses.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear (that's a tactic of the adversary. Remember Moses and Satan in the book of Moses....Where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God....Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not. [Moses 1:13–16]....And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God [the very phrase used by Joseph Smith], he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory. [Moses 1:19–22])

but of power (power of the priesthood, power of temple covenants, faith, agency, gift of the Holy Ghost),

and of love (Love of God, charity, Love for fellowman),

and of a sound mind (think of the promises given in the initiatory ordinances; D&C 6:23 - Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?).

I'm realizing that the tactics of the adversary come many times throughout our day. I can't force situations and others' choices, but I can choose to serve the Lord and not become subject to the 5 Ds (discouragement, doubt, deceive, distract, and disqualify). So though my life isn't playing out as fast as I want it to, I know the Lord is guiding my path. I know He does have great things planned for me. I felt that to be the truth on Monday and today. Whenever I feel discouraged or distracted or doubtful, I remind myself that the Lord is in charge and He does not work with those emotions. He uses peace, caution, or warning.

So I write this to testify of the goodness of the Lord and the miraculous hand He has played in my life especially recently, but I also write to remind myself. Never give up on the Lord. Never give up on those you care most about. Never give up on the promised blessings that are so close you can taste it but need a bit more time before they are yours. Promises will be fulfilled and the Lord will provide the way.

I Love to See the Temple

This weekend my cousin married the beautiful Brittany in the Salt Lake Temple. After pictures, I decided to play with Instragram on my phone and ended up with the most fantastic shots. I'm so happy with the results!

I really like this image...

Debt Free

As of today, I am officially student loan debt free. I had loans from my M.Ed at ASU and my MBA at BYU. Out of state tuition at ASU was killer but I determined to keep paying off the interest while in MBA school to keep the loan from getting out of control. Last March, I decided to put all extra money towards both students loans and to have them paid off in one year. Okay, actually the goal was January 1st, but Paris and a few other trips had me alter the goal to one year. I made that goal. And it feels really good!

Weekend Getaway

Coping Mechanism

What do you do when you get impatient about life? I plan trips. Some of them actually happen while others just disappear like my perfect South Carolina trip I thought about taking in April.

Today I was ready to just get in my car and start driving. But I was at work and knew that would be completely irresponsible. So I planned it for tomorrow. I had the trip all planned for a weekend in California: One day driving. One day playing. One day driving back. Hey, I went to Vegas for a day once. Figured I could pull this one off. And this weekend trip almost happened!

I decided that I'm not a college student any more and I would like to keep my job, so my spontaneous road trip has been altered a bit. I'm going to go to the beach in two weeks and to St. George this weekend. Hopefully a weekend hiking in Zions and a planned trip to the beach will help me with this waiting period. If not, at least I'm out having fun!

What Did You Have For Dinner?

This past month I have eaten out wayyyyyyy too much! Seriously! One week I had four dinner dates with friends. Though I loved the convenience, my credit card and waistline did not!

The first drastic measure to alter this trend came two weeks ago. I signed up for another half marathon, then got out my calendar and planned out my running schedule for the next four months. (My brother is actually crazier than I am. He decided to join me for the race but signed up for the full marathon. My sister-in-law is much saner and will run the half with me.) I have enjoyed my morning runs and have found satisfaction in the challenge of beating my goal. This is going to be fun! :)

The second lifestyle change happened tonight. I cooked! I actually love to cook and bake but have let all the traveling and moving and friendly dinner outings get in the way. Now, I have food for lunches for the rest of the week! Healthy lunches too!

Life is good.

Here We Go Again

Do you remember what was happening this time last year? I do. Keenly aware. I would categorize it as one of the most difficult times of my life. To say I was vulnerable would be an understatement. Uncertain. Shattered. Petrified. Lost. Those would be more accurate descriptions. Only a few saw that side. The rest of you saw me playing a part. Strong. Hopeful. Determined. But I was a wreck. Vulnerability was out the door. I was done and had no idea how I was going to do each day.

That experience taught me about my own strength and the miraculous timing of the Lord. Recently, the Lord has shown me once again that He does hear my prayers and answers come in the most unforeseen ways. (Though I would love to provide all the details now, I'm a bit superstitious and don't want to jinx any situation or outcome so please forgive the vague explanation.)

I actually find myself in a parallel circumstance to last year. No, the world is not coming to an end. But I am faced with something that I'm cautiously optimistic about. Like the job opportunity, this situation isn't playing out in any normal or typical fashion. Good things happen, then waiting. More good things happen, and then more waiting. My expectations of what I think should happen and when things should happen have all been thrown out the window and surprisingly, I feel peace about that. And that's what scares me. I feel peace about not knowing the outcome. So bring on the vulnerability and the unknown amounts of waiting. One day it will all come together. In preparation for that, I'm suiting up like Calvin, because "something could happen today and if anything does, by golly, I'm going to be ready for it!" The Lord is in charge and somehow, in His own way and His own timing, miracles will occur.

Being Productive

Yesterday during church, I started writing down all the projects that were sitting at home waiting for me to start and/or finish. Yes. I was bored at church. Actually, it wasn't so much boredom as something the speaker said got my ADD mind off on a tangent. I realized that sometimes I'm pretty lazy when I get home from work because I could do so many different things that I don't know where to focus. I hate feeling lazy. Don't misunderstand me. I like relaxing. I like not rushing from one thing to the next. But I dislike how I feel when I have wasted away the evening. So now I have a list. A list that has everything from doing my taxes to planning my 15-year high school reunion to reading John Adams to upgrading my Macbook to Lion. (As a side-note to my fellow Mac friends, I'm really excited for Mountain Lion.) I also created a separate list of different blog posts I want to write. I have 15 ideas! So my goal this week is to get those all written and schedule them for your reading pleasure. But now I'm off to Park City to take advantage of the holiday sales. Happy President's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Following Directive Counsel

I almost titled this post "Keeping the Commandments" but my roommate and I decided that keeping a journal doesn't fall into the same realm as "Thou Shalt Not Kill" or "Thou Shalt Not Bare False Witness", so "Following Directive Counsel" it is.

For most of my life, I have been horrible at keeping a journal. I've compensated by cutting and pasting emails into a word document and maintaining this blog the past few years. I actually did a great job while in MBA school recording all that was happening, which is good because the events from those 2+ years were "moments of impact" that defined who I am today.

Part of the argument people give for keeping a journal is that it will be a record of your life for future posterity. Well, right now I'm not sure what the future holds for me and I've realized that my experiences can be a benefit for people now. That is one reason why I've actually blogged about a few dates recently and why future posts may seem more personal than in times past. This is my record. It is for me. But I also hope it inspires faith and courage and maybe produce a bit of laughter in all of you.

Let No Man Forget That You Are From Old Virginia!

In October, I went to Virginia to visit a dear friend. He had been inviting me to come visit him for a year or two and I finally stopped waiting for the perfect time and made it happen. Before you start wondering anything about us, the timing of the trip coincided with a bunch of social activities so he could introduce me to guys he has been scoping out for me. Though it was fun to meet new people, the highlights of the trip include visiting historical sights and catching up with old friends.

At the DC Temple

Civil War battle re-enactment at Balls Bluff

Listen to those cannons!

My good friend Cheryl

Trip to Monticello

Do You Have This Much Fun?

I love my job! What makes it so great is the people I work with. Hilarious. Social. Smart. It makes going to work everyday something to look forward to instead of dread. Here is a look into life with the Domo-ites that started with a tweet I posted last night and took off.

Do you have this much fun with the people you work with?

First Time for Everything

In December, I finally had the chance to visit New York City. Yes. I've been to cities in Europe and many in the United States but never to NYC. We took a redeye, which I don't recommend, and landed 3 hours later. Gratefully, we were able to change and clean up a bit when we got to our hotel.

First stop was getting in line for student rush tickets of How to Succeed in Business... with Daniel Radcliffe and John Larroquette. Half of us sat in the cold while the other got breakfast. Hot chocolate never tasted so good! After we got tickets (Yay!!), we headed to lower Manhattan to see the 9/11 Memorial. The memorial was quite sombering. You began to get a sense of the size and scope of the devastation. TVs and documentaries don't quite seem to capture it. Battery Park, the Bull, and Wall Street were next. Kind of geeked out in the financial district. I wanted to see a few more historical sites, including Trinity Church, but the rest of the group wanted to leave. So doing what I did best, I said, "Go ahead. I'll meet you for dinner." Gratefully, my friend Allison came with me. It was nice to break from the big group for a while and mosey at my own pace. Al and I stumbled on some cool buildings and parks, and Trinity Church was breathtaking. Met up with the group for dinner and then went to the show. It was fun to see Daniel Radcliffe in a non-Harry Potter role. Such a fun play!

Day two was a little bit less intense than the first. Everyone slept in but me who wakes up to the light. So I got up and walked down toward the UN Building. I hadn't fallen in love with NY yet. All the buildings and people made me feel a bit claustrophobic and I kept comparing it to other cities. My walk back from the UN changed that. I realized how unique each city is in culture and style. The goal is to embrace the diversity of each city and find its hidden treasures. That epiphany opened my eyes to the beauty of the city. I absolutely loved walking around, taking in all the city had to offer me. For lunch we went to Little Italy and had amazing Italian food. So good! Most of the girls wanted to shop but three of us wanted to check out Central Park. Once again, just walking around the park and absorbing the culture made for a relaxing afternoon. We met up with the group for some plays. Long story short, I decided not to see either of the two plays the group went to that night. Instead, Abby and I sat in Times Square and chatted. I think we both needed that conversation and I'm grateful for that time with her.

I wanted to sleep in the next morning, but I needed to get in line for general rush tickets for Anything Goes—got my tickets!—then met up with Sherstin and Amie to figure out the matinee. We finally found student tickets at Mary Poppins. After that, we went to Macy's, Bergdorf Goodman, and Tiffany's. Fun stores but I didn't buy anything. Then came Mary Poppins and a nap. I was exhausted! I needed to make it through Anything Goes. We met up for dinner at Qdoba, one of my favorite places, before we split up for our different shows. Both shows today were phenomenal! I loved them!

Our Sunday started out with a harbor tour of Lower Manhattan. As you can see from the pictures, we saw Ellis Island, The Statue of Liberty, the financial district, the Empire State Building, the Sears Tower, the UN Building, and the Brooklyn Bridge. Very nice morning. Nice not to be walking anywhere. After the tour, we went to church at the Manhattan LDS temple. Fun story that happened here. I ran into a guy that I dated five years ago. It was really fun to know that even after all this time, I could still turn his head. As we were saying goodbye, he stopped and then invited me to a party that night. Made me smile, especially since my number was still in his cell phone! Met up with the group and we walked around Central Park and FAO Schwartz. The party that night was fun. Fun to meet new people. Fun to talk with Mark. Fun to know that I could still be on someone's mind.

Our last day was mixed with different activities. Most people slept in but I still wanted to see a few things. I walked by Rockefellar Plaza, went to the top of Rockefellar Center, walked by Carnegie Hall, and walked through the NY Public Library. We packed up and headed to the airport in a limo. 

I absolutely loved my time in New York. I'm planning on going back again and my friend who lives there said I could stay with her. I'm really excited because I missed a few museums and Newsies is opening on Broadway. So many fun places to visit, so little vacation time.

Clarification: I don't mind new people looking at my blog. I don't want to move my blog private so I monitor who visits to make sure nothing unusual is happening. The real freakout moment was wondering if date number one stumbled upon my blog, but I realized there is no way he could find it. Slight panic! :)

Tech Nerd

Do you know what makes me paranoid? Seeing an unfamiliar IP address on my blog tracker. Then I have to look at where the person bounced from, what city she (because lets be honest, I might have two guys that regularly follow my blog) was in, and possible people I know in that area. Then my mind races through my different posts, especially the most recent two, to make sure I haven't crucified anyone or revealed too much about anyone or myself. Rest assured, I think I'm okay so far. Still, you random visitors make me nervous.

My New Love

Have you ever heard me talk about how much I hate shopping? If you have, I apologize. Complete lie. I've realized that it wasn't shopping I didn't like. It was knowing I didn't have money to spend and not finding things in my size for things I did like. New job and online shopping have completely transformed me. I love shopping! In fact, I put a shopping ban on myself during January just to catch up financially from all my trips. However, I found the perfect dress. What to do?! The solution actually was very simple. The dress was on backorder and would take 2-3 weeks to ship. That means my credit card would not be charged until February. Perfect! So in 3-4 weeks, this dress will be arriving at my door and I'm really excited. I'm ready for spring!

Way With Words

I love this post on Robert Burns. Wish I was as quick-witted with my speech.

In 1791, riled by a recent review that criticised a supposed abundance of "obscure language" and "imperfect grammar" in his poetry, celebrated Scottish poet Robert Burns channelled his anger and wrote the following magnificent letter to the critic responsible. (Source: The Works of Robert Burns, Volume 4)

Ellisland, 1791.

Dear Sir:

Thou eunuch of language; thou Englishman, who never was south the Tweed; thou servile echo of fashionable barbarisms; thou quack, vending the nostrums of empirical elocution; thou marriage-maker between vowels and consonants, on the Gretna-green of caprice; thou cobler, botching the flimsy socks of bombast oratory; thou blacksmith, hammering the rivets of absurdity; thou butcher, embruing thy hands in the bowels of orthography; thou arch-heretic in pronunciation; thou pitch-pipe of affected emphasis; thou carpenter, mortising the awkward joints of jarring sentences; thou squeaking dissonance of cadence; thou pimp of gender; thou Lyon Herald to silly etymology; thou antipode of grammar; thou executioner of construction; thou brood of the speech-distracting builders of the Tower of Babel; thou lingual confusion worse confounded; thou scape-gallows from the land of syntax; thou scavenger of mood and tense; thou murderous accoucheur of infant learning; thou ignis fatuus, misleading the steps of benighted ignorance; thou pickle-herring in the puppet-show of nonsense; thou faithful recorder of barbarous idiom; thou persecutor of syllabication; thou baleful meteor, foretelling and facilitating the rapid approach of Nox and Erebus.

R.B.

Why I Have ADD

This image captures what I do everyday for work. Now you know why I'm a bit scatterbrained after the day is over. Click the picture to see it in more detail.

Mutual Weirdness

This just makes sense to me.

Good Intentions and New Direction

My goal this weekend was to post about my trip to Washington DC, New York, and Disneyland. Well, guess who forgot to bring her power chord home? Yep. Me. But how, may you ask, am I posting right now? Well, I forgot the power chord to my work computer and the battery has now died. So I'm using my home laptop which doesn't have any of my recent pictures and posts about trips are no good without a visual aid. Never fear, I'll get those posted this week.

And now for the new direction. I'm finally, I think, out of the funk I've been in for the past while. In being so, I've decided to be a bit more honest on my blog. You all know I have a blog tracker. I seem to have regular visitors and most of you are friends and family. I have nothing to hide and hope that my life experiences can bring a smile to your face or insights into your own lives. Which means all of this may become a lot more personal. Now the really personal stuff will go into my journal. I'm starting that back up again because I needed to document some good things that happened recently. Nothing life changing. Just a tender mercy of the Lord. He does hear and answer prayers. You'll get that story soon.

To end this post, I wanted to share a quote from one of my new favorite shows Once Upon a Time. On tonight's episode, Grumpy says to Snow after her heart was broken (you have to see the episode because it really is cute), "I need my pain. It makes me who I am. It makes me Grumpy." I love this line. It helps me realize that turning off the pain or trying to drown it out doesn't help us one bit. All the adversity, struggles, and disappointments have made me who I am. It makes me Thamina.

2012 Update

Remember my three goals for the new year?

• All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.
• All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and good things happen.
• To be surprised.

Well, I'm off to a good start. I'm also realizing I don't have as much patience as I thought. I feel like I am a speedboat navigating around a battleship. Somethings just take time and I need to slow down.

2012 Theme Addendum

"All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware."
—Martin Buber

Excited to discover the secret destinations of this life's journey.

Welcome to a New Year

I've reflected much on the past year. 2011 brought many unexpected events that I wasn't quite sure how to deal with. In everything that I had to confront and overcome, I found a resilient strength in me that I didn't know existed but that I attribute to the Lord and the consistency of family and friends.

I've also discovered a bit of personality that I knew was there but for some reason had suppressed. John Adams summed it up best when he wrote to Thomas Jefferson, "I was young, and then very bashful, however saucy I may have sometimes been since." I find myself being much more bold and sassy in conversation, in work, and in my relationships with others. I hope it hasn't come across as arrogance or pretentiousness. But I do like how the challenges of the past have helped me throw caution to the wind and give life my all.

My theme for 2012 comes from a movie quote: "All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and good things happen."

My goal for 2012: To be surprised.

To speak completely in metaphor, last year was the year I rolled a six. This year I get so see where I land.