Wonder of Wonder, Miracle of Miracles

I live here now.

Well not exactly here. More like here.

Getting to this point in life has been full of unexpected paths and detours. However, once I made the decision to accept the job offer and move east, miracle after miracle came and witnessed to me that this was the right decision.

• Making it to the Denver airport at the exact moment my sister needed to be picked up. You see, I left Utah a bit later than planned (surprise, surprise) and I feared she'd be waiting for me, which is never a good way to start a road trip. Her plane from Dallas landed 30 minutes late and we met right on time.
• Getting my new cell phone the day before I was supposed to leave Utah. Lesson learned: never port your number in or out of your employer. Utter nightmare.
• Squeezing one more eye doctor appointment in and having significant improvement in my vision. Good thing too since I was about to start a 3000 mile road trip. More on this later.
• Having my moving POD dropped off at the perfect time and picked up the next day to be shipped to Virginia. It all worked flawlessly. I also couldn't have done it without good friends helping me pack.
• Have you ever driven across country with anybody? My sister and I laughed, joked, talked, gabbed, slept, etc. for 60+ hours straight without any arguing, bickering, eye rolling, etc. Miracle!
• Being able to stay with cousins in both Denver and St. Louis. What a blessing both of them were as my sister and I traveled.
• Arriving at your destination with ZERO car problems. That's 3000 miles. No trouble whatsoever.

  

  Somewhere in Ohio

• Finding a place to live that I like, that's close to work, that's affordable in only two days. Mission accomplished.
• Having a seven minute commute...in Virginia.

  

  Traffic one night when I was safely at home.

• Figuring out how to get first month's rent and an equal security deposit as a money order from your bank in Utah. Let's just say the US Post Office saved the day after direct inspiration from the Lord. Huge miracle!
• Moving into a gated condo community was a hassle, especially with restricted moving times and the $500 charge to move in on a weekend. What's a girl to do? Go visit the POD company, arrange a same day delivery and pickup, and convince your new co-workers to help you unload on a Friday morning. 35 minutes later and the moving was completed. Even the POD people were surprised with how quickly the guys unloaded my stuff.

  

  Fit perfectly in my parking space

• Being able to stay with my friend in Leesburg for two weeks during the condo application process and moving coordination. It wasn't in the plan but I became great friends with the entire family.

  

  My surrogate nephews

• Getting permission from my boss two weeks into the new job to work remotely so I can be with family on Christmas.
• Running into friends from years past the first week I was in town. I've had an immediate friend base since then.
• Attending the family ward the first time and know that's exactly where I need to be. How does anyone move without the church? Instant ward family!
• Having a Relief Society President be inspired to tell me about the closest macaron store without knowing how much I love those little treats. Plus she spoiled me on my birthday. The Lord watches out for us in all things!
• Feeling no homesickness and absolutely certain with each step that this move was exactly what I needed in my life and that the Lord was involved with each detail in my life.

More pictures and stories to come. I have much to say and have kept quiet for too long.

California

June 2013 was basically split into two parts: family reunion and job interviews. First the fun part, my mom surprised us all and flew to Utah to help my sister with her new baby, which meant she got to join us for out family reunion in California. I think it says a lot about my family that even with my parents in another country, we still worked out a time to spend a week together. Sadly we still missed having my brother, his wife, my brother-in-law, and my dad with us. For the drive out, I had my niece and nephew in my car, and I had a great time introducing them to 80s rock music. Needless to say, my niece had a new list of music groups and songs she wanted to download. We gathered in Folsom at my siblings houses and spent time in San Francisco and Yosemite. The pictures capture the great time we all had.

Grandma is in town

Alcatraz

Boat from Alcatraz to San Francisco

Lombard Street

Yosemite

Hiking the Mist Trail

Hiking the Mist Trail

To be two again

Yosemite Falls

Playing at the campsite

Taking a break from hiking

My kids

Yosemite redwoods

Practicing the musical number for my nephew's baptism

Happy Father's Day

While my mom was visiting, I had an accident. We were watching the kids play in the cul-de-sac when a car turned the corner. I saw my two-year-old nephew in the street and ran towards him to make sure the car didn't hit him. My feet got the better of me and slid second base style over the paver stones. I'd never been to the ER before nor had stitches. It was weird having someone other than my dad take care of me. But I got all stitched up and a year later (as I'm writing this) the scar is barely visible.

ER shots

My niece wrote me a cute note after the fall

While in California, I had the distinct impression that I should go to DC (well Northern Virginia) soon with the intention of seeing if I could live there. I had a job interview lined up the Monday after the reunion in San Francisco for a position located in Virginia. The interview was fine but I wasn't in love with the role or the company, but I felt I should move in this direction. I came back from the interview with the prayer that I'll go where the Lord wants me to go even if I'm not in love with the job and that maybe it's just one more step to get me to where I need to be. Then the miracle. I arrived at work after having this conversation with the Lord (we do that a lot while I'm driving) and saw an email from the SVP at Eloqua (the company I went skiing with back in February). He asked if I was interested in a job. Within a week I was chatting with a Sr. Director for a product management position. They basically said, "We can teach you to be a product manager. We can't teach you to think like a marketer. And we need a marketer." I knew this was my answer. This job was going to happen. It was based in northern Virginia and I already had a ticket to fly there the week after to see if this was going to be a good fit for me. The wheels were in motion and my life was about to change in a fantastic new direction.

Once Upon a Time...

...a girl searched for answers to life. Everything unexpected came her way and life became a complicated mess. She wondered at the next step to take, the next turn to make, the next chasm to cross. While sitting at dinner deeply perplexed, an answer came as clear as the sun on a cloudless day. But what was asked made no sense to her. It couldn't happen. It shouldn't happen. Everyone would think she was crazy. One particular person would find her downright mad. Sleep escaped her that night as the answer weighed on her mind. Over and over again the debate played out until finally she succumbed and agreed. The next morning, she stepped into the dark unknown and began her journey. Someone was looking out for her as she traversed this path. Doors opened. Opportunities came. Miracles unfolded. And suddenly, she landed in a place she knew she needed to be but still wondered why. As events played out more insights came, more situations experienced, and more wonders unfolded. Overwhelmed did not begin to describe the feelings of gratitude or confusion she felt. A divine hand was definitely involved, even though the reason remained unclear. However, she trusted in that higher power and pressed forward little realizing the story had just begun...

Parallel Lives

Today I was reminded once again how similar my life is to a year ago—different situations but parallel in circumstance. Last year on this exact day, the last Monday in March, someone's decision made me mad. Okay not mad. Furious. Outraged. Tasmanian devil, hair on fire, incensed at what had just unfolded. (Someone once asked my sister if she was always happy. She responded, "90% of the time." "What about the other 10%?" "You don't want to see that 10%." That's where I was. At the 10%.) It took me THREE days to calm down! It may have continued longer than that, but the Lord was looking out for me. I was shopping at the Outlets in Park City, standing in GAP, when I heard a voice. "Thamina, either you trust me or you don't." I stopped. What? It came again. "Either you trust me or you don't." I stopped for a second. Realized the simplicity of the statement. Exhaled. And released all anger with that breath. I trusted the Lord. I made some decisions that day that forever changed my life.

We don't get many opportunities in life to have a do-over or a second chance at something, but I found myself in a parallel situation. Someone's actions had an effect on me and I got another shot to "try again." Instead of reacting quickly, I took a moment for me. I thought about what I really wanted, what outcome I was hoping for, and what I needed to do to get that result. I care about this person and didn't want to be mad, even though I had every right to be. I read my scriptures seeking guidance, and I was filled with compassion and kindness as I read about the atonement and the infinite mercy of our Lord and Savior (Thank-you Alma!). I knew then how to respond. Still not sure of the outcome. We'll see on this one. But I'm grateful I had a chance to act differently.

Girl Brain on Steroids

This week has been bit of a trying week. We all have those moments when we feel off our game or out of sorts. Add deleting a bunch of documents, pictures, and emails from the past few years and I became a mixed mess of emotions. What's interesting about this situation is my logical, rational brain knew exactly what was going on and kept trying to tell what I call "Girl Brain" to calm down. Then one day, I had a realization about myself and the tactics the adversary uses against us. Here's my story:

On Monday I woke up with a big weight on my soul. I wanted to give up on future possibilities. Didn't think I could handle anymore uncertainty in life. As I drove to work, I started thinking about how I was feeling and realized I was discouraged about the current situation, had been distracted by frivolous pursuits of nothingness all weekend along, and was doubting all the good things that had happened the week before. It's as if a light turned on in my brain! I knew the adversary was working heavily on me and that I had even let him in a bit by choosing to be distracted with technology.

That really opened my mind and heart to the whisperings of the Spirit. I had to choose to push these outside influences out of me so that I could make room for the Spirit in my life. The rest of my Monday was filled with the fruits of the Spirit and I'm grateful that I was able to "snap out of it" as quickly as I did.

Of course the adversary didn't give up that easily. We still had a few battles this week but I knew I was being attacked by the adversary with how I was feeling. What I needed most was how to arm myself and fight off the assault. This scripture and going to the temple gave me the tools and the power I needed. My commentary is in parentheses.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear (that's a tactic of the adversary. Remember Moses and Satan in the book of Moses....Where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God....Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not. [Moses 1:13–16]....And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God [the very phrase used by Joseph Smith], he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory. [Moses 1:19–22])

but of power (power of the priesthood, power of temple covenants, faith, agency, gift of the Holy Ghost),

and of love (Love of God, charity, Love for fellowman),

and of a sound mind (think of the promises given in the initiatory ordinances; D&C 6:23 - Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?).

I'm realizing that the tactics of the adversary come many times throughout our day. I can't force situations and others' choices, but I can choose to serve the Lord and not become subject to the 5 Ds (discouragement, doubt, deceive, distract, and disqualify). So though my life isn't playing out as fast as I want it to, I know the Lord is guiding my path. I know He does have great things planned for me. I felt that to be the truth on Monday and today. Whenever I feel discouraged or distracted or doubtful, I remind myself that the Lord is in charge and He does not work with those emotions. He uses peace, caution, or warning.

So I write this to testify of the goodness of the Lord and the miraculous hand He has played in my life especially recently, but I also write to remind myself. Never give up on the Lord. Never give up on those you care most about. Never give up on the promised blessings that are so close you can taste it but need a bit more time before they are yours. Promises will be fulfilled and the Lord will provide the way.

Here We Go Again

Do you remember what was happening this time last year? I do. Keenly aware. I would categorize it as one of the most difficult times of my life. To say I was vulnerable would be an understatement. Uncertain. Shattered. Petrified. Lost. Those would be more accurate descriptions. Only a few saw that side. The rest of you saw me playing a part. Strong. Hopeful. Determined. But I was a wreck. Vulnerability was out the door. I was done and had no idea how I was going to do each day.

That experience taught me about my own strength and the miraculous timing of the Lord. Recently, the Lord has shown me once again that He does hear my prayers and answers come in the most unforeseen ways. (Though I would love to provide all the details now, I'm a bit superstitious and don't want to jinx any situation or outcome so please forgive the vague explanation.)

I actually find myself in a parallel circumstance to last year. No, the world is not coming to an end. But I am faced with something that I'm cautiously optimistic about. Like the job opportunity, this situation isn't playing out in any normal or typical fashion. Good things happen, then waiting. More good things happen, and then more waiting. My expectations of what I think should happen and when things should happen have all been thrown out the window and surprisingly, I feel peace about that. And that's what scares me. I feel peace about not knowing the outcome. So bring on the vulnerability and the unknown amounts of waiting. One day it will all come together. In preparation for that, I'm suiting up like Calvin, because "something could happen today and if anything does, by golly, I'm going to be ready for it!" The Lord is in charge and somehow, in His own way and His own timing, miracles will occur.

I'm sitting here on my last night of Thanksgiving vacation enjoying the BYU basketball game online and the Stanford v. Notre Dame football game on the TV. No, I'm not a big Stanford or Notre Dame fan. But I do like a good football game and it's halftime at the basketball game. While enjoying the two games, I wanted to record some reflections I have been having.

The past few days have been really nice. I haven't had to worry about planning and preparing dinner (Thanks Mom!) or wake up to an alarm clock. I would wake up when I wanted to. Work out when I wanted to. And eat when I wanted to. It's been so nice compared to the daily grind I usually face. Christmas lights have been put up at my parents' house and my favorite time of year has started.

I'll be honest, I'm nervous. I'm making a move from a place that is comfortable and predictable to a place where I have no guarantees. I wonder if I should have waited until after Christmas to move but then remind myself that I couldn't stay where I was any longer. Too anxious feeling like I was sitting still. I needed to feel like I was moving forward and doing all without really knowing what all was or is.

I am grateful for the need to press forward with faith and this past year has been the epitome of moving forward into the darkness while seeking the light and the path the Lord needs me to follow. At times I have been downtrodden and worn out both physically and emotionally, and then the light would appear. The Lord strengthened me to keep going. Going where, I wasn't quite sure. But He has fulfilled His promise to me that He would lead be my by the hand. Many times I have felt carried.

Corrie ten Boom tells the story of learning the importance of gratitude from her sister Betsy during their imprisonment at Ravensbruck Concentration Camp. Betsy reminded Corrie that they needed to express their gratitude in all things including the fleas. Corrie could not even to begin to fathom being grateful for the fleas. Yet she expressed gratitude for the fleas. Every day they were able to hold Bible study and teach those around them. They couldn't figure out why the guards never interrupted their study. Then one day Betsy figured it out. The guards did not enter the barracks because of the fleas. The very things that agitated the girls and made their bodies itch were the very things that protected their Bible study.

So this day, I am grateful for the "fleas" in my life. Those things that agitate me. That get under my skin. That somehow compel me to keep trying, to look for the positive, and to teach me how to be a better disciple of Christ.

Tonight I had a very uplifting talk with a female student I mentor. She has many concerns that center around finding a full-time job in the same place her husband is accepted for medical school. Her fears come from not following the same path as those around her, not doing all she can now to find a job, and not knowing for sure what the future holds for her. We were able to talk about the will of the Lord and pressing forward in spite of not having a clear understanding of the future. It made me feel good to have her say she needed her monthly "Thamina check" to help her feel confident and hopeful in the decisions she is making. This is one reason I still continue to mentor students. I feel like I am able to make a difference in someone's life.

Our conversation then turned to one of greater gospel significance. We began talking about agency and the trials of Abraham. While talking, I had an insight that brought a whole new understanding to the events of Abraham and Isaac and completely placing our will on the alter of the Lord. I had never pieced this together before, and I'm not going to go into detail here, but I realized that it wasn't just Abraham's test. It was also Isaac's. Isaac has now become a symbol for me of completely submitting to the will of his father. Complete trust. Complete faith. For some reason this small insight completely changed my perspective about the trials I am facing. How grateful I am for personal revelation and continued understanding of the Gospel.

I'm also extremely grateful for another realization I had tonight. I believe in happy endings. Not the "Once upon a time...and everyone lived happily ever after" kind. But the "And God remembered Rachel" kind. The Lord "hath heard the prayers of His people" kind. The "all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good" kind. I believe in my happily ever after.

I am grateful for the Relief Society lesson we had in church. The sister who taught it was asked to teach yesterday after the regular teacher became sick. The lesson and examples given were exactly what I needed to hear. Now the challenge. Taking the leap of faith and trusting the Lord completely. I'm beginning to understand a bit what Nephi felt. He was told to get the Brass Plates. He had tried everything he could think of and was even beaten for his persistence. Now he is standing at the gates of Jerusalem saying, "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. Nevertheless, I went forth." I've been told multiple times "Don't worry. Everything will work out." Earthly perspective tells me I'm a fool. But I know. I know what the Spirit has whispered and confirmed to me. So following the example of Nephi, I'm going forth. Taking that leap of faith. Trusting the Lord that all He has revealed to me will come even though I see no possible way for it to happen. He does. And that's what matters to me. That I am being guided by a loving Heavenly Father who sees and knows all things. As long as I am obedient and faithful, I will not be led astray. How truly glorious is our Father and Savior Jesus Christ.

I am grateful for a day of rest and to be spiritual nourished by prophets of God. I love that these messages are easily accessible and I can listen to them on my computer, in the car, and on my phone. They bring me peace in times of uncertainty.

I am grateful for Christmas music. Today I have been working on importing all my classical cds and Christmas music on my Mac. My niece and I listened to the "Radio Christmas" on Saturday while driving. I was so disappointed in the selection. Now that I have my favorites on my phone, I can enjoy the best out there.

Just a Bit of Silliness

That line from Finding Neverland popped into my head as I sat to write this blog post. Often I have very distinct thoughts, feelings, impressions, or whatever you would like to call them. For me they are very real. I question whether or not they come from me or from a much higher power. I would like to brush them off as "just a bit of silliness" but in reality I know better. My very nature creates a sense of urgency to want to act on these and move forward and make things happen. But, as you know, that isn't what I should be doing right now. My challenge and test is not to worry. To place all things in the hands of the Lord. To trust Him completely. For the Spirit of the Lord will always guide me if I listen and obey.

Taking Action

Since most of you are friends or family that read my blog, I thought I would explain my Giving Up post. Seth Godin, a marketing guru, explained, "Action, even ineffective action, is something societies seek out during times of uncertainty." I have felt the need to make things happen. To act and not be acted upon. To make decisions. To press forward. To seek out a better way.

I was feeling that sense of uncertainty and so I set out to make things happen. I became extremely frustrated in trying to make things happen. I was ready to give up. That night at the temple, I realized that having a plan was good but my plan wasn't the best thing for me. The Lord provided insight into what I could do to "make things happen" and to "press forward". Basically, I needed to focus more on the "Don't worry" part of life instead of the "Everything is going to work out" part. In doing that I have been able to make some new friends, find a balance with work and life, and feel less anxious about the future. I am very grateful for a Lord who is keenly aware of me and answers my prayers.

All Things Shall Give Thee Experience

Dear Friend,
Yesterday, I received some exciting news that I had been waiting and hoping for, and I wanted to tell you. Corda, a growing tech company, offered me a full-time position as a marketing project manager! I will be responsible for or working on their email, social media, and event marketing. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Getting here hasn’t been easy, but the Lord has guided me every step of the way.

You may remember Corda. Back in September, I randomly interviewed for a marketing position with them. Somehow the job mistakenly was placed on the MBA job board. When I interviewed, the team wondered why I was there. I explained how I found the job. They smiled and informed me it was an entry level position, and I knew I was overqualified. I didn't worry about it because I was working at BYU and had hopes for something to work out there. As you know, nothing did.

Then, the joy of finding something in December. I felt the hand of the Lord guiding me there, but if you remember, even after the first few days, I wasn't sold. They had signed me under contract through March and something inside me wondered if I would really be there longer than that.

Things were going well, until I turned down the New York position. Then an HR department’s worst nightmare came true. Some things happened that would make a great HBS case study. And it wasn't just with me. I also realized I had sold myself short. I recognized that I didn't really believe I could hold an MBA position even though I had an MBA degree. I know. It sounds silly. But I had to come to that realization and I had to fight for me.

So began the search. I started pursuing what I really wanted: a marketing tech job. I targeted many companies including Corda. Things in September ended amicably and I had nothing to lose.

February was crazy! I commuted, I worked for Allen, I continued work with BYU, and I interviewed for jobs. Needless to say, I was exhausted (as you could tell from reading my blog).

I hadn’t heard from Corda and had given up on them. Finally, their Director of Marketing emailed me and asked me to come in for an interview. It went really well! I was surprised how well! They invited me in for a second round. Once again, the interviews went smoothly. To be honest, I felt confident they would extend an offer.

Then the trial. Almost a week went by before I heard from them again. The DoM wanted references. Another week. Finally after two weeks, I emailed him in the polite business rhetoric we were taught. The DoM called and told me that they weren’t interviewing anyone else for the position, but were being delayed in extending an offer to me because of an internal need for software engineers. More waiting. March is ending and I’m wondering what to do. Do I sign another contract with Allen? Do I hope they offer me a full-time job? Will Corda really be able to hire me?

The waiting became nerve-wracking. Then disheartening. Then discouraging. I needed some reprieve. I kept doing the things I knew should, and I knew the Lord was still there guiding and directing me. I knew the principle of equal and opposite temptation and that before great moments in life adversity, opposition, and darkness can come. I knew the scripture that if we “never should have bitter [we] could not know the sweet.” Yet, I felt lost and alone.

Gratefully, my parents’ stake conference was that weekend. Elder Nelson and Elder Leavitt, an area seventy, were there to reorganize the stake presidency. (Yes, my dad was released.) Feeling the love of an apostle for me, my family, and our whole stake was just what I needed to keep going.

I decided that no matter what happened, I would trust the Lord. He had guided me this far and had constantly told me not to worry and that everything would work out. On Wednesday, my manager called me in to offer me a new role. Just as I was settling into the idea that I would be staying at Allen, the phone rang. It was Corda.

Even as I write this story I am amazed at the miraculous events that have taken place. It has been a long road but I never would have guessed in September that this is where my job search would lead to. All things really do give us experience. I hope the things I have learned about business and leadership and myself will help me be successful in this new role. If anything, I have an added amount of confidence in my own abilities and in the Lord, and that never would have come without this. The Lord has truly blessed me and I am eternally grateful.

As always,
T-

The Road Not Taken

Recently, an incredible opportunity fell into my lap. As I pondered the decision and the consequences of both options, I found myself reflecting on similar past experiences and the paths each of those decisions has taken me.

A few weeks ago, a CEO that I had talked with back in November emailed me and offered me a position with his company. He didn’t have specifics yet so we arranged a time to meet. As I drove to the interview, I had a very distinct feeling about this opportunity. By the time I got to the place, I knew I was only there for a courtesy check. Without even knowing the details, I had an answer.

As the CEO explained the particulars, those initial impressions were validated. The job would be in New York City. I would be training teachers on the company’s phonics based reading program. None of this sounds too bad, right? The caveat was I needed to give a three year commitment, the position encapsulated many of the reasons I left teaching in the first place, and no long term growth in the company seemed imminent.

I actually spent some time thinking about this decision to make sure I wasn't being irrational and to make sure I was accurately assessing all the options. This week I officially declined the offer.

In comparing this experience with others, I was able to recognize the Lord's hand in my life. Incredible opportunities have come my way but they have never been the most obvious or the easiest to obtain. In fact, the greatest blessings have always come through difficulty, work, and the testing of my faith and resolve. New York would have been fun! Interesting though, a few other job leads have come my way in the past week. So what will be the ending to this story? To quote Robert Frost…


I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Certifiably Crazy

Last April my sister suggested I sign up for a race. I had just graduated with my MBA but hadn’t lined up a full time job yet and my social life was pretty stagnant with no real dating possibilities at the time. Though I had never run a race before or even run at all, I signed up for a half marathon. I figured why start small. :)

Looking back, starting big like that was a good move for me. I set up a training schedule which helped me pace myself as I tackled a huge project. Being able to break my running into small parts helped me believe I could actually accomplish this goal. Also, I needed a distraction and running provided that emotional outlet.

My journey encountered many hurdles. Four weeks in to my training and one month before the half, I got sick. Both times felt like a huge setback but each time I found a way to keep going. At one point I was ready to give up. My sister, who convinced me to run the half in the first place, inspired me with these words: "It isn’t a race. It’s a run." I expected myself to accomplish a competitive runner’s pace and time. But the goal was not to take first place. The goal was to finish the run. Do something I had never done before.

With that new mindset, I approached my workouts with a renewed mental determination. I still remember the first time I ran three miles without stopping. Such a feeling of triumph surged through my body. After that run, I finally felt like I could achieve this goal. Before then, I only felt failure. Three miles became four then five and so on and so on. The week before the race I was able to run ten miles!

The night before and the morning of the race were horrible! I drove home from Park City later than I had planned and was so worked up about the race, I didn’t sleep well. All night long I kept waking up and checking the clock because I was afraid of missing the race. Gratefully I did make it on time. I started the half with my sister and my niece, but those two were in much better shape than I was and quickly surged ahead. The first half of the race I enjoyed the scenery, kept my pace, and remembered scriptures about enduring to the end.

All was well until I hit mile eight. I felt my body shutting down. I pushed forward hitting mile nine and somehow making it to mile ten. Then came the breaking point. A long hill stood in front of me, my muscles cramped up, and I couldn’t make my legs move any faster. As I walked hoping the cramping would subside, I said a prayer. I expressed gratitude for the help I had received to that point and shared my desire to finish the half running. I needed help and knew the Lord could help me. I don’t know what possessed me, but I remember asking, “Will you help me finish running this race?” I ended my prayer and began running.

The next two miles weren’t easy but I made it! However, somehow seeing that last long mile stretch in front of me, I began to doubt and became disheartened. Even though I had run twelve miles, I didn’t know how I was going to finish that last one. But I had asked the Lord for help and help came. A lady ran up next to me, grabbed my arm, and started running with me. I didn’t know this woman and with half a mile left she let go and I lost sight of her, but she helped me find the determination to keep going. Sometimes we all need someone to help us and “run” with us during the difficult times of life. (Btw, this whole experience has metaphors for life laden throughout it.) She was my tender mercy during that last mile.

Finally, I saw the finish line. A surge of adrenaline rushed through my body and I felt energized! Seeing my family and the time clock renewed my strength and I rushed forward. I thought I was at the three hour mark. Instead I finished around two hours and seven minutes! Somehow I had kept a 9:45 mile average pace. In all my training, I had never quite hit that mark. I was thrilled! My body ached and my mind was thrashed, but I finished!

Since that time, I haven’t been that consistent with exercising. However, something stirred within me and I wanted to feel that sense of accomplishment and drive once again. I liked the idea of tackling another half marathon and am officially signed up for the Salt Lake Half-Marathon in April. I’ve planned out my workout routine and am geared up to improve my time. So though I feel a bit crazy at times for signing up for another half marathon, I am mostly excited and determined.

A New Adventure

The past year I have searched for many different jobs. Private school administration. Online marketing. University recruiting. Education companies. Big corporations. So many different avenues. I’ve heard many “no” responses and many unanswered responses. In spite of this, I wasn’t discouraged. All the previous jobs I had received came in the most unlikely way and since my life follows patterns, I expected a similar outcome. I will post those stories too as they are quite the ride. I kept plugging away at the job search. After graduation, I tapered off the search as I dealt with the emotional drain from the previous two years, the death of my grandma, and just wanting time to have fun.

In July, the associate dean of BYU’s business school called me. He offered me a project based position to work with diversity recruiting. “Jackpot!” I thought. The school currently had a hiring freeze and I felt this was my ticket in when that freeze was lifted. I played in California the next week, talked with the associate dean a couple of times, and returned from vacation ready to work. As the next few months passed, hope waned that this could turn into a full time position. One day the associate dean warned me warned me that the MBA recruiting position was just approved but just because I was working for him right then did not guarantee I would be hired for the newly approved opening. That message sat with me for a few weeks. Though I applied for the position, I realized that I did not fit with the ideals of the MBA program and the person they wanted in that spot. When I saw that the MBA office had reposted the opening, I emotionally abandoned the opportunity altogether.

Thus began my journey. My grandpa always told us “It isn’t what you know but who you know.” MBA school constantly emphasized the importance of networking to find what you want. I took both to heart and reached out to Taylor, a family friend. I bumped into Taylor in the student center the previous week when I was spending time with a brother-in-law who was in town. What a fortuitous meeting! I emailed Taylor and he spent some time deciding who to introduce me to, what industries to target, and where to focus my energies. I began setting up informational interviews, attending conferences, and reaching out to those who were eager to help me. Each person either suggested a position I could apply for in that company or someone else that would be valuable for me to talk to. The doors began to open!

The week after Thanksgiving I met Joseph. Though we both felt I wasn’t the best fit for his company, he suggested I talk with Michael who worked at a company in Salt Lake. (They provided consulting services and designed training/learning programs to help solve the needs of the companies.) Guess who was also connected to Michael? My new friend Taylor. Taylor introduced Michael and me via email and within the hour Michael responded with openings that matched my interests. Even better, two people had just given their two weeks notice and the company needed to fill the positions quickly. Michael and I discussed the workings of the company and my excitement grew throughout our conversation. He also put me in touch with Anna, the Director of Instructional Design, and she asked for my resume. She immediately responded to my email and invited me in for an interview. Both Michael and Anna’s eagerness to meet with me stemmed from my dual background in education and business.

Two days later after talking with Michael, I was sitting in Anna’s office. I was nervous! I spent six hours the day before preparing for the interview. I've never done that! The first 30 minutes of the interview I took a writing proficiency exam. Basically a dumbed down version of the grammar part of the GMAT. By the way, I maintain one of the questions had no right answer. For those of you who know grammar, I’ll give you the sentences and you can let me know if I am wrong. I was supposed to meet for 30 minutes with Anna in a one-on-one interview but we ended up talking for over an hour! By the end of the interview she said two key important things: 1) I can see you quickly becoming a Lead Designer in the company; 2) When can you start? Needless to say the interview went well and Anna was thrilled to have me part of the team. I start Wednesday which means all of this happened within 1½ weeks! I will be trained/mentored for 3-6 weeks depending on how quickly I pick up the process and protocol. Who are we kidding? It will be three. :) Then I work as an Instructional Designer where I provide consulting (needs analysis) for companies and work with a team to design solutions for their company depending on that need.

Little did I realize a year ago that my journey would lead me to a job where I could do both business and curriculum design. I searched for companies like this but always seemed to come up short. The Lord prepared every step of the way. How grateful I am for His divine guidance.

Doubt Not, Fear Not

Right now I should be preparing for an interview with a company that actually excites me. As much as I should be focusing my energy there or even finishing a final project for my other job, my mind continues pondering over thoughts I had while working out this morning. Time to data dump if only to help my mind more fully understand the swirling thoughts.

One of the greatest gifts we receive from our Heavenly Father is personal revelation. Through the gift of the Holy Ghost and the power of the atonement, the Lord is able to direct our lives in a uniquely personal way. Insights, impressions, and instruction come when we earnestly seek the will of the Lord.

In my lifetime, I have had such experiences. Some so sacred I have either never discussed them in detail or never mentioned them at all. Most often they came while experiencing what Elder Holland referred to as our own Liberty Jails. Recently, as I was seeking the Lord's will for me, I once again experienced the sweet divine gift of personal revelation. The topic nor the message is what my mind has been mulling over the past few hours. What stood out to me was what happened afterward.

Opposition comes in all forms. Though I knew exactly what I felt, advice from the world caused me to doubt. I began to cast off the insights, impressions, and instruction. I called myself crazy. I lost confidence. I completely crumbled. What happened? I let others' stories predict my life for me. I let the world's perspective question the knowledge I received from a loving Heavenly Father. I let the adversary confuse me to the point I was ready to forgo all that had been revealed to me.

Thankfully, the Lord heard my prayers and cast the darkness out of my life. As the light flooded my soul, I began to more fully understand the principle of trusting in the Lord. Where doubt and fear, which are the seeds of darkness, are present trust, faith, and hope cannot exist. Helaman 5:41 explains just this. "You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until you shall have faith in Christ...and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you." And from D&C 6:36: "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." Asking others for advice or seeking out what seems "normal" destroys the very gift of personal revelation. What the Lord speaks to us is far more valuable than anything that we may try to glean from the perspective of the world.

What are my conclusions from all this rambling? First, the Lord desires to impart His wisdom and will for us daily. Second, opposition comes in all forms. Third, doubt and fear will cause us to question that which we have received and believed and lived for. Fourth, having trust, faith, and hope, even if I feel a bit crazy, brings far greater joy and happiness in my life then listening to the wisdom of the world. Fifth, my brother-in-law was right.

Time to grade papers and prepare for an interview!

Gratitude Day 30

1- Exercise. I haven't consistently worked out since my half marathon in August. Today I recommitted to a routine. It felt good to get my heart pumping and my legs moving. Hopefully I'll be able to complete a few more races this year including another half marathon with my sisters.

2- Modern Medicine. I am extremely grateful my sister and her new husband were in the United States when he went into emergency surgery for appendicitis. Yes you read that correctly. Three days after they got married, the day they were supposed to fly to Costa Rica for their honeymoon, he was wheeled into surgery. However, the bright spot is their honeymoon will only be delayed one week.

3- Surviving. I look back on my life and realize how many times I have been in uncertain situations with what seemed like insurmountable obstacles. My mom once commented to me that during those times in life we may need to face each day in five minute intervals. Though I haven't had a trial like that in years, I have been reminded how vulnerable I am and how completely reliant I am on the Lord. November did not play out the way I expected in October. But through the divine grace and mercy of the Lord and an exceptional family, I survived.

Gratitude Day 27

1- Eternal Marriage. Today my sister and her fiance were married in the temple for all eternity. The sealing powers we have on this earth create a bright future of hope which promises that if we are true and faithful, we can live with our spouse, children, and families for all eternity. What an amazing blessing from the Lord!

2- Relationships with others. At the reception this evening, I was reminded of how important kindness towards others is in building friendships with everyone. My great-aunt and my dad's cousin both made comments about how much they value the efforts I give in visiting with them. Most people do not know their extended family beyond first cousins and aunts and uncles, but I have had the unique chance to get to know these relatives because I grew up in the same town as them. Having these extended, extended relatives in my life has been a great blessing to me.

3- Angelic ministers. With today being such a busy day and my mind being elsewhere most of the time, I am grateful the Lord is able to speak to others to help me. My aunt related an experience that happened to her during the ceremony that related to me. Her impression lifted my spirits and renewed my hope.

Rest of the story

I thought I would expound on the post from yesterday. The sister who spoke on trusting in the Lord related her difficulties in getting pregnant. She and her husband have spent years trying to have a family and she had even received a blessing promising her that she would have children. Even though my topic was tithing, I felt impressed to talk about faith in the Lord and His promised blessings; essentially, obeying the law of tithing helps us qualify for those blessings. I did not end my talk with a story about the miracle that happened to someone for paying tithing, but with the story of Rachel from the Old Testament which Elder Condie related in General Conference a few years ago and that I have referenced before in this blog:

With ever-increasing envy and mounting desperation, one day Rachel explosively demanded of Jacob, “Give me children, or else I die” (Genesis 30:1). Leah subsequently bore two more sons and a daughter.

In this age of one-hour dry cleaning and one-minute fast-food franchises, it may at times seem to us as though a loving Heavenly Father has misplaced our precious promises or He has put them on hold or filed them under the wrong name. Such were the feelings of Rachel.

But with the passage of time, we encounter four of the most beautiful words in holy writ: “And God remembered Rachel” (Genesis 30:22). And she was blessed with the birth of Joseph and later the birth of Benjamin. There are millions on earth today who are descendants of Joseph who have embraced the Abrahamic promise that through their efforts “shall all the families of the earth be blessed, even with the blessings of the Gospel, which are the blessings of salvation, even of life eternal” (Abraham 2:11).

When heaven’s promises sometimes seem afar off, I pray that each of us will embrace these exceeding great and precious promises and never let go. And just as God remembered Rachel, God will remember you.

I felt the Lord's hand in helping me prepare this talk. On the surface, this story has nothing to do with tithing, but it does have everything to do with the Lord fulfilling His promises to those who are faithful. I could not have known the speaker before me would speak about her struggles with getting pregnant or the promises she had received in priesthood blessings. It was a tender mercy in my life to realize I had been instrument in the hands of the Lord that day.

Gratitude Day 21

1- Friendly faces. I was hoping my brother and sister-in-law would make it to my ward for church. I needed to see a friendly face in the audience. They basically drove all night to make it to church on time but how grateful I am they did that for me. I needed it more than they will ever know.

2- Validation. I felt my talk went well and the audience was listening. However, I really appreciated the comments I received afterward from ward members about their reaction to the message. I was nervous but the kind comments alleviated that fear.

3- Inspiration. The sister before me talked about trusting in the Lord. Her message resonated with me in many ways and even made me cry. When I was finished with mine, she expressed the same thoughts and emotions. We both needed to hear the other speak and only the Lord would have known how to prompt each of us to say what we did.