Quote of the Day

What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the words I have read in my life.

~Walt Whitman

Blog Analytics

I was going to label this post "Cyber Stalking" but figured that would give off the wrong vibe and impression to all of you who think my life is interesting enough to read about it. So who am I cyber stalking? You of course. Okay not really. Okay yes really, but let me explain.

Since I created my blog, I have had two programs tracking who visits it. It doesn't tell me who you are or where you are specifically located but it is fun for me to guess. Sort of like a puzzle and I use clues like a detective to piece it all together. I thought it would be fun (or nerd like of me) to share what I have learned from all of you. By the way, I am cheap and refuse to pay for detailed information so the programs only keep track of the last thirty days.

Combined, both of the programs will tell me your OS, your browser, location, host name, and referring site. For operating systems, Mac OSX is the preferred choice but I have a few Android, iPhone, and Linux users as well. Vista is at the bottom of the PC operating systems. For some reason, I find that funny.

Firefox and Internet Explorer are the preferred browsers with over half of you choosing those to read my blog and I'm guessing you use those to surf the web too. A few of you, including me, use Chrome with some opting for Safari. I have a growing number of users who access it using their smartphone.

As for locations, the program only tells me cities where your internet provider is located. Though 98% of my readers live in the United States, I do have people in the UK, Germany, Belgium, and Spain that also read my blog. Japan used to pop up but my friend moved back to the states a few months ago.

In all honesty, I have to guess who reads my blog because ISP addresses are hard to trace. But this is where the fun (or the real nerdiness) begins. Since most of your ISP addresses pop up with Comcast, Broadweave, SBC, Qwest, Manti Tele Communications, Broadband Central, and the like, I find myself playing a game similar to Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? I did have someone use Virgin Media from the UK the other day and that has sparked my curiosity. When Intel (one of only a few company names that actually pops up) is listed, I can safely guess that was my sister. Others are also pretty easy. Washington, California, Missouri, and Texas are either former roommates or family.

Utah is where it gets tricky. For the most part, I don't know. Two clues help me: your city and your referring site. For example, when Logan pops up I can guess my cousin logged on. Any city in Salt Lake or Utah County does not help me unless you have a referring site. Even my parents' town isn't easy because of extended family and friends of friends. In short, your ISP does nothing for me in figuring out who reads my blog. City and state help but only if you live outside of Utah.

What really makes the game fun is the referring sites. For all of you who bounce off my cousin Mandi's site...Congratulations! Her site is the highest referring site. I finally went and visited it (I use an RSS feed so rarely go to the actual sites) and realized her list of blogs shows when the blogger last updated her site. Since you bounce off her site, I naturally concluded her life is much more interesting than mine! :) Others of you bounce off your own blog, which makes it very easy to identify who you are, while others come from Facebook, Google Reader, or land here directly.

No matter how you get here you need to know two things. First, your identity is completely safe because 90% of the time I have no idea who you are. Second, thanks for being interested enough to share with me all the unexpected adventures in my life.

Ol' Reliable

In the movie Lady and the Tramp, Trusty always mentions his grandpappy Ol' Reliable. He would question all who would listen to his stories: "I don't recollect that I've ever mentioned Ol' Reliable before?" Unfortunately for Trusty, his audience frequently heard about Ol' Reliable and Trusty would forget his story.

Just like Trusty, many of you have heard about my Ol' Reliable. I bought my first car, a used Honda Accord, almost eight years ago. I was so nervous! My aunt helped me transport the car from the downtown dealership to her place. I took another few days before a friend was able to drive me to my aunt's house so I could drive it to my place in Provo. I didn't dare speed or make any sudden lane changes! I even left my car in my apartment complex's parking lot and continued to drive my parents' car for another week. I know! Lame!

Fortunately, I got over that initial fear. This car has really been my Ol' Reliable. I've commuted for over five years with four of those being at least a 35-40 minute one way drive. Other places I've driven are Las Vegas, Southern California, Idaho, our cabin, Phoenix and back many times, Northern California, and all around the state of Utah. The paint is chipping away, the transmission is rickety, the knobs are loose or coming off, and the odometer reads over 180,000 miles. However, this week my car still managed over 34 mpg! For a car that is 11 years old that is impressive. Here's hoping my Ol' Reliable lasts a few more years.


I couldn't find a picture of my car but felt my blog needed some pictures. This is my favorite freeway sign located outside of Sacramento, California. I think my car could make it. :)

Inspirational Quotes

I have been thinking about memorable quotes that have inspired me, rejuvenated me, and motivated me to become more. Each of these have their own story, many of which are very personal and not something I would mention on my blog. However, I am posting them hoping that those out there reading can find your own inspiration and story in these simple yet profound words.

But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You've got to wonder why we cling to our expectations. Because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still. The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives.

Nothing in the world is accomplished without passion.
~David McCullough at a BYU Forum

There was this law of life, both so cruel and so just, that demanded one must grow or else pay more for staying the same.
~Norman Mailer

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

We are born believing.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot

We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.
~Goethe

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.
~Vernon Law

To endure is greater than to dare; to tire out hostile fortune; to be daunted by no difficulty; to keep heart when all have lost it; to go through intrigue spotless; to forego even ambition when the end is gained - who can say this is not greatness?
~Thackeray

Adversity has a way of challenging all of us, sooner or later. How we collectively bear up to the pressures of unexpected tragedy, how we care for and honor those who suffer loss, how we hold on to our values despite the seductive lure of simple, quick and easy solutions to the complex problems we face — how we deal with such things defines us forever.
~Gen. John P. Abizaid of the Army, former commander of the United States Central Command

Validation

My friend Anna, the one who calls me a hopeful romantic, sent me this video in hopes that it would make me smile. It did.

Quote of the Day

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the universe; your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of all that’s within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.

And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

— Nelson Mandela

Range of Emotions

The range of human emotions amazes me especially when they are all happening at once inside of me. For the most part, I describe myself as a hopeful and passionate person. I have a fiery spirit within me that loves to laugh, to interact with others, and to experience new adventures. My siblings even called me "Born Free" as a child. What other child would you find riding her big wheel down main street?

And yet, the past few months I have had the most difficult time being me. In one day, I've been extremely angry, then incredibly hopeful with all the other emotions in between manifesting themselves too. Add hormones on top of that and some days you have a complete mess. The best way to describe what is happening to me is the Lord is testing my faith.

Faith, to be faith, must center around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness. If everything has to be known, if everything has to be explained, if everything has to be certified, then there is no need for faith. (Elder Boyd K. Packer, "What is Faith," Faith, Deseret Book Company, 1983, p. 42)

So between the laughter and the tears, the anger and the optimism, the love and the complete reliance on the Lord, I am understanding and grateful. Why? Because the Lord hath said, "Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory"(D&C 98:1-3).

Times of crisis define what truly matters most to us in life and the past month has been no exception. In expressing my frustrations to my brother-in-law, he remarked with an interesting metaphor. He commented, "It's like you're on a game board and you just rolled a six." Couple that comment with Elder Hallstrom's talk from conference "'Men are, that they might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25) and 'for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things' (2 Nephi 2:11) are not contradictory; they are complementary" and you have a perfect description of my emotional roller coaster. The six may be rolled, the opposition may be in full force, but somehow I will land and experience the joy that only comes from holding fast to the iron rod and the love of the Lord.

Humorous Santa Story

My sister was forwarded this Christmas story she received as part of a friend's Twelve Days of Christmas. I found it funny and thought all of you who needed a good laugh from the stress of work and life would enjoy it too.

The Christmas Tree

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip… but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he want to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had taken all the marshmallows and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cocoa mug and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa went to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas Santa! Isn’t it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn’t it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?”

Thus began the tradition of the little angle on top of the Christmas tree.

Feelings of Christmas

One thing I enjoy about Christmas time is the lights. As a child, I loved sitting by the tree, listening to Christmas music, and staring at the lights. My brother and I would always volunteer to deliver presents to people so we could see the lights around town. Unbeknown to my mom, our outings always took longer than usual because we would seek out the streets with the best light displays.

My favorite place to view lights has always been Temple Square especially with freshly fallen snow. The lights of the temple mixed with the colored displays always brings a peace and comfort to my heart. My favorite memories at Temple Square have always included people I love. Celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with those family and friends holds a special place in my heart. I hope all of you are enjoying this Christmas season. Merry Christmas!

A New Adventure

The past year I have searched for many different jobs. Private school administration. Online marketing. University recruiting. Education companies. Big corporations. So many different avenues. I’ve heard many “no” responses and many unanswered responses. In spite of this, I wasn’t discouraged. All the previous jobs I had received came in the most unlikely way and since my life follows patterns, I expected a similar outcome. I will post those stories too as they are quite the ride. I kept plugging away at the job search. After graduation, I tapered off the search as I dealt with the emotional drain from the previous two years, the death of my grandma, and just wanting time to have fun.

In July, the associate dean of BYU’s business school called me. He offered me a project based position to work with diversity recruiting. “Jackpot!” I thought. The school currently had a hiring freeze and I felt this was my ticket in when that freeze was lifted. I played in California the next week, talked with the associate dean a couple of times, and returned from vacation ready to work. As the next few months passed, hope waned that this could turn into a full time position. One day the associate dean warned me warned me that the MBA recruiting position was just approved but just because I was working for him right then did not guarantee I would be hired for the newly approved opening. That message sat with me for a few weeks. Though I applied for the position, I realized that I did not fit with the ideals of the MBA program and the person they wanted in that spot. When I saw that the MBA office had reposted the opening, I emotionally abandoned the opportunity altogether.

Thus began my journey. My grandpa always told us “It isn’t what you know but who you know.” MBA school constantly emphasized the importance of networking to find what you want. I took both to heart and reached out to Taylor, a family friend. I bumped into Taylor in the student center the previous week when I was spending time with a brother-in-law who was in town. What a fortuitous meeting! I emailed Taylor and he spent some time deciding who to introduce me to, what industries to target, and where to focus my energies. I began setting up informational interviews, attending conferences, and reaching out to those who were eager to help me. Each person either suggested a position I could apply for in that company or someone else that would be valuable for me to talk to. The doors began to open!

The week after Thanksgiving I met Joseph. Though we both felt I wasn’t the best fit for his company, he suggested I talk with Michael who worked at a company in Salt Lake. (They provided consulting services and designed training/learning programs to help solve the needs of the companies.) Guess who was also connected to Michael? My new friend Taylor. Taylor introduced Michael and me via email and within the hour Michael responded with openings that matched my interests. Even better, two people had just given their two weeks notice and the company needed to fill the positions quickly. Michael and I discussed the workings of the company and my excitement grew throughout our conversation. He also put me in touch with Anna, the Director of Instructional Design, and she asked for my resume. She immediately responded to my email and invited me in for an interview. Both Michael and Anna’s eagerness to meet with me stemmed from my dual background in education and business.

Two days later after talking with Michael, I was sitting in Anna’s office. I was nervous! I spent six hours the day before preparing for the interview. I've never done that! The first 30 minutes of the interview I took a writing proficiency exam. Basically a dumbed down version of the grammar part of the GMAT. By the way, I maintain one of the questions had no right answer. For those of you who know grammar, I’ll give you the sentences and you can let me know if I am wrong. I was supposed to meet for 30 minutes with Anna in a one-on-one interview but we ended up talking for over an hour! By the end of the interview she said two key important things: 1) I can see you quickly becoming a Lead Designer in the company; 2) When can you start? Needless to say the interview went well and Anna was thrilled to have me part of the team. I start Wednesday which means all of this happened within 1½ weeks! I will be trained/mentored for 3-6 weeks depending on how quickly I pick up the process and protocol. Who are we kidding? It will be three. :) Then I work as an Instructional Designer where I provide consulting (needs analysis) for companies and work with a team to design solutions for their company depending on that need.

Little did I realize a year ago that my journey would lead me to a job where I could do both business and curriculum design. I searched for companies like this but always seemed to come up short. The Lord prepared every step of the way. How grateful I am for His divine guidance.

Life has a Story

Once when talking with a friend, he stopped mid-sentence, stared, and said, "You have a story for everything, don't you?" His questioned caught me off guard! But I thought about it for a second and replied back, "Yes. I do." We both laughed and continued our conversation. That was over fourteen years ago and I realize many of these stories have never really been documented. My goal for my blog the next few months is to provide all of you the random stories from my life. Hopefully you find as my joy and humor or tenderness in them as I did in living them.

Doubt Not, Fear Not

Right now I should be preparing for an interview with a company that actually excites me. As much as I should be focusing my energy there or even finishing a final project for my other job, my mind continues pondering over thoughts I had while working out this morning. Time to data dump if only to help my mind more fully understand the swirling thoughts.

One of the greatest gifts we receive from our Heavenly Father is personal revelation. Through the gift of the Holy Ghost and the power of the atonement, the Lord is able to direct our lives in a uniquely personal way. Insights, impressions, and instruction come when we earnestly seek the will of the Lord.

In my lifetime, I have had such experiences. Some so sacred I have either never discussed them in detail or never mentioned them at all. Most often they came while experiencing what Elder Holland referred to as our own Liberty Jails. Recently, as I was seeking the Lord's will for me, I once again experienced the sweet divine gift of personal revelation. The topic nor the message is what my mind has been mulling over the past few hours. What stood out to me was what happened afterward.

Opposition comes in all forms. Though I knew exactly what I felt, advice from the world caused me to doubt. I began to cast off the insights, impressions, and instruction. I called myself crazy. I lost confidence. I completely crumbled. What happened? I let others' stories predict my life for me. I let the world's perspective question the knowledge I received from a loving Heavenly Father. I let the adversary confuse me to the point I was ready to forgo all that had been revealed to me.

Thankfully, the Lord heard my prayers and cast the darkness out of my life. As the light flooded my soul, I began to more fully understand the principle of trusting in the Lord. Where doubt and fear, which are the seeds of darkness, are present trust, faith, and hope cannot exist. Helaman 5:41 explains just this. "You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until you shall have faith in Christ...and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you." And from D&C 6:36: "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." Asking others for advice or seeking out what seems "normal" destroys the very gift of personal revelation. What the Lord speaks to us is far more valuable than anything that we may try to glean from the perspective of the world.

What are my conclusions from all this rambling? First, the Lord desires to impart His wisdom and will for us daily. Second, opposition comes in all forms. Third, doubt and fear will cause us to question that which we have received and believed and lived for. Fourth, having trust, faith, and hope, even if I feel a bit crazy, brings far greater joy and happiness in my life then listening to the wisdom of the world. Fifth, my brother-in-law was right.

Time to grade papers and prepare for an interview!

Quote of the Day

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.

-Helen Keller

Scientific Evidence

Having a month long focus on gratitude helped me in an uncertain time. Focusing on the good that happened helped shift my mind towards all the positive in my life. Today the Wall Street Journal published an article detailing the scientific evidence found in those who express gratitude.

"A growing body of research suggests that maintaining an attitude of gratitude can improve psychological, emotional and physical well-being. Adults who frequently feel grateful have more energy, more optimism, more social connections and more happiness than those who do not, according to studies conducted over the past decade.

Studies show that using negative, derogatory words—even as you talk to yourself—can darken your mood as well. Fill your head with positive thoughts, express thanks and encouragement aloud and look for something to be grateful for, not criticize, in those around you, especially loved ones."

The article continues with the benefits of gratitude in children and how we can cultivate gratitude in our lives. I highly recommend the read.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704243904575630541486290052.html

Gratitude Day 30

1- Exercise. I haven't consistently worked out since my half marathon in August. Today I recommitted to a routine. It felt good to get my heart pumping and my legs moving. Hopefully I'll be able to complete a few more races this year including another half marathon with my sisters.

2- Modern Medicine. I am extremely grateful my sister and her new husband were in the United States when he went into emergency surgery for appendicitis. Yes you read that correctly. Three days after they got married, the day they were supposed to fly to Costa Rica for their honeymoon, he was wheeled into surgery. However, the bright spot is their honeymoon will only be delayed one week.

3- Surviving. I look back on my life and realize how many times I have been in uncertain situations with what seemed like insurmountable obstacles. My mom once commented to me that during those times in life we may need to face each day in five minute intervals. Though I haven't had a trial like that in years, I have been reminded how vulnerable I am and how completely reliant I am on the Lord. November did not play out the way I expected in October. But through the divine grace and mercy of the Lord and an exceptional family, I survived.

Gratitude Day 29

1- Job possibilities. I found two new jobs today that could actually be a great fit for me. Both are with a nonprofit educational foundation. One is a trainer designer which basically works with the product team to develop training solutions that help educators improve student outcomes. The other is an educational consultant who interfaces with the customer and the product team to improve the plan and design of the product and the best way to train customers on the product. Yes they sound very similar except the first focuses on the business end and the second on the curriculum end. Lucky for me, I have the background for both.

2- MBA friends. When I was first considering the program, I asked a current student one reason why he would recommend it. He remarked that you get to go to school with 150 of your best friends. I didn't realize how true his statement was until today. One girl who I became good friends with emailed me today. I hadn't spoken with her since graduation. I was reminded how important these friendships are to me and that i need to do better in staying in touch with them.

3- Not commuting. Today I am grateful I did not have to commute to work. I remember all the snow days I had driving to and from my schools. The weatherman would predict a minor storm and it would pound us much like it did last night. Once the new year starts, I know I'll be picking up a commute of some kind. But today, I didn't have to drive in the snow.

Gratitude Day 28

1- Relaxing. Yesterday was busy with all the traveling between the wedding and reception so it was nice to relax today. Regroup. Unwind. Rest. Very much needed.

2- Coming home to a clean apartment. I arrived home around midnight last night. Knowing my apartment was clean when I came home was a nice feeling. Yes I know I spent the "blizzard" day cleaning and already knew that everything was in order, but I was still grateful to come home to an organized, vacuumed, and scrubbed down apartment.

3- Afternoon church. Usually I don't like afternoon church; however, as I said above, I needed a relaxing day. So, today I am grateful I was able to sleep in without worrying about any meetings or rushing off to church, especially with the few inches of snow on the ground.

More Pictures of the Wedding

I didn't take many pictures at the wedding because my three brother-in-laws and my older brother were doing a great job. I know many of you who follow my blog also know my sister so I thought I would upload a couple of pictures from the wedding. These two came from Lucille's blog.

Gratitude Day 27

1- Eternal Marriage. Today my sister and her fiance were married in the temple for all eternity. The sealing powers we have on this earth create a bright future of hope which promises that if we are true and faithful, we can live with our spouse, children, and families for all eternity. What an amazing blessing from the Lord!

2- Relationships with others. At the reception this evening, I was reminded of how important kindness towards others is in building friendships with everyone. My great-aunt and my dad's cousin both made comments about how much they value the efforts I give in visiting with them. Most people do not know their extended family beyond first cousins and aunts and uncles, but I have had the unique chance to get to know these relatives because I grew up in the same town as them. Having these extended, extended relatives in my life has been a great blessing to me.

3- Angelic ministers. With today being such a busy day and my mind being elsewhere most of the time, I am grateful the Lord is able to speak to others to help me. My aunt related an experience that happened to her during the ceremony that related to me. Her impression lifted my spirits and renewed my hope.

Gratitude Day 26

1- Siblings who recognize what I need especially when I don't want to burden them or when I am purposefully avoiding/hiding what I know I need. I truly have generous and kind siblings (and in-laws).

2- Nieces and Nephews. Many years ago, one of my nephews asked with concern in his voice why I didn't have kids. I told him that I needed to be married first and jokingly asked him if he knew of anyone. His four-year-old mind raced and replied with a sad voice that he couldn't think of anyone. He was quiet for a few more moments, then said to me with a wisdom beyond his years that he and his siblings would be my kids until I had my own. I have enjoyed playing with all eighteen of my "kids" this week. They have been a joy and a blessing to me. I am also grateful that they all seem to get along with one another. Every one of them has a cousin they consider a friend.

3- Having fun. I love the variety of interests in my family. If you were a fly on the wall in my house this week, you would have seen people playing video games, chess, card games, board games, watching and playing football and basketball, singing around the piano, playing the piano/guitar/trumpet, talking about a wide variety of topics including politics, religion, medicine, business, sports, etc., and loving every minute of it. I am grateful for a family that enjoys being together.

Gratitude Day 25

1- Sleeping in. Usually we go to my aunt's house for Thanksgiving. This year all of my siblings were in town and we had Thanksgiving at my parents' house. Joyous day because I was able to sleep in! I really enjoyed not having to travel back and forth this year.

2- Financial security. Even though I do not have a full time job yet, it is comforting to know I am financially secure. I followed the philosophy of "live like a student while you are student" the past few years. Even though I was used to a steady income before graduate school, cutting back while in school has saved me from many headaches.

3- Comfort of family. We all have our family stories and mine is not immune. Despite this, they are a comfort to me. I appreciate their counsel, their perspective, and their love. My life has never been "normal". For some reason the most random or unexpected experiences happen to me. Because of this, they have never failed to support me in my decisions. I truly am blessed to be part of my family.

Gratitude Day 24

1- Artwork. Today I enjoyed the works of a great painter with my family. I thoroughly enjoyed the exhibit and hope to go back. Though I'm not the most knowledgeable about art history, I am grateful my parents taught me to appreciate and enjoy the talents of painters and other artists.

2- Pampering. Few things in this world relax me like a foot massage. Today I indulged and got a pedicure at my favorite place. Some may scoff asking, "Why would you pay money to have someone paint your toenails?" For those of you who have had a pedicure, you know it has nothing to do with the toe paint. It is all about the massage. Very, very nice!

3- Shopping with a friend. A friend of mine invited me to go shoe shopping with her today. Though I'm not a big shopper, I enjoyed my time being out of the house and talking with a friend. I did make a purchase: jewelry for my sister's wedding. As a previous post attests, I already found a pair of shoes. :)

Gratitude Day 23

1- O Holy Night. Whenever I hear this song, my mind recalls sitting by the Christmas tree wrapped in a blanket, watching the twinkling Christmas lights, and listening to this song. For me that was Christmas. The peace and stillness that seemed lost at other times of the year. Many versions of this song exist but I discovered my favorite two years ago. A good friend of mine introduced me to this version as we were decorating the Christmas tree. The spirit that accompanied the song as it filled the room was unmatched and I fell in love with it all over again. Hauntingly beautiful rendition. The King's Singers have forever solidified this as my favorite Christmas song.



2- Clean apartment. My morning appointment was canceled so I spent the time deep cleaning my bathroom and bedroom.

3- Freshly washed sheets. Not only did I get my apartment cleaned but I also finished my laundry. Another great feeling. I had to do something today. My afternoon plans were foiled by this weak "blizzard" that everyone got hyped up about.

Gratitude Day 22

1- My dry cleaning place. When I taught at Bingham High, I found this great little dry cleaning shop. Each article is only $2.50 and they do a fantastic job! Living thirty minutes away does not make it convenient to take advantage of these great prices so I have to be strategic in my dry cleaning planning. Today I had to pick up a friend at the airport and Saturday I'm in Salt Lake for my sister's wedding reception which made it a perfect opportunity to drop off my increasing pile of dry cleaning.

2- Broadway music. I absolutely love Broadway music. Ironically, I have never been to New York but I hope to remedy that one day. Some of my favorite music comes from Ragtime, Wicked, The Scarlet Pimpernel, and The Secret Garden. Of course, I have other musicals I enjoy too, but specific favorite songs come from the aforementioned list. Uplifting music is hard to find these days but my Broadway playlist never disappoints me.

3- My older brother. As a child, Rich and I didn't have that much in common, but now that we have both grown up, we get along very well. Last night we talked about different sports teams, teased one another, and laughed about some things online. He really is a great brother who always supports me.

Rest of the story

I thought I would expound on the post from yesterday. The sister who spoke on trusting in the Lord related her difficulties in getting pregnant. She and her husband have spent years trying to have a family and she had even received a blessing promising her that she would have children. Even though my topic was tithing, I felt impressed to talk about faith in the Lord and His promised blessings; essentially, obeying the law of tithing helps us qualify for those blessings. I did not end my talk with a story about the miracle that happened to someone for paying tithing, but with the story of Rachel from the Old Testament which Elder Condie related in General Conference a few years ago and that I have referenced before in this blog:

With ever-increasing envy and mounting desperation, one day Rachel explosively demanded of Jacob, “Give me children, or else I die” (Genesis 30:1). Leah subsequently bore two more sons and a daughter.

In this age of one-hour dry cleaning and one-minute fast-food franchises, it may at times seem to us as though a loving Heavenly Father has misplaced our precious promises or He has put them on hold or filed them under the wrong name. Such were the feelings of Rachel.

But with the passage of time, we encounter four of the most beautiful words in holy writ: “And God remembered Rachel” (Genesis 30:22). And she was blessed with the birth of Joseph and later the birth of Benjamin. There are millions on earth today who are descendants of Joseph who have embraced the Abrahamic promise that through their efforts “shall all the families of the earth be blessed, even with the blessings of the Gospel, which are the blessings of salvation, even of life eternal” (Abraham 2:11).

When heaven’s promises sometimes seem afar off, I pray that each of us will embrace these exceeding great and precious promises and never let go. And just as God remembered Rachel, God will remember you.

I felt the Lord's hand in helping me prepare this talk. On the surface, this story has nothing to do with tithing, but it does have everything to do with the Lord fulfilling His promises to those who are faithful. I could not have known the speaker before me would speak about her struggles with getting pregnant or the promises she had received in priesthood blessings. It was a tender mercy in my life to realize I had been instrument in the hands of the Lord that day.

Gratitude Day 21

1- Friendly faces. I was hoping my brother and sister-in-law would make it to my ward for church. I needed to see a friendly face in the audience. They basically drove all night to make it to church on time but how grateful I am they did that for me. I needed it more than they will ever know.

2- Validation. I felt my talk went well and the audience was listening. However, I really appreciated the comments I received afterward from ward members about their reaction to the message. I was nervous but the kind comments alleviated that fear.

3- Inspiration. The sister before me talked about trusting in the Lord. Her message resonated with me in many ways and even made me cry. When I was finished with mine, she expressed the same thoughts and emotions. We both needed to hear the other speak and only the Lord would have known how to prompt each of us to say what we did.

Gratitude Day 20

1- Faith. As I've been reading and preparing my talk on tithing, I've realized how important faith is to all our decisions. Obedience to the commandments of the Lord rests on our faith in His promises and His timing. Ultimately, our faith resides in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and His power to save us in whatever earthly circumstance we may find ourselves.

2- Costco. Do I really need to explain this one? Anything worthwhile can be found at Costco. 'Nuff said.

3- Musical talent. I am grateful for my mom who pushed me and pestered me and persisted to help me develop my piano talent. Tonight the ward choir director asked me about my sight reading skills. Because of a fabulous piano teacher and a diligent mom, I knew I would have no trouble learning the music. I love playing the piano now. It brings joy to my soul.

Gratitude Day 19

1- Beautiful Utah Sunsets. If you haven't taken a step outside recently, you have been missing the wonders of God's creation. As the sun sets, the skies fill with a rainbow of pinks and oranges mixed with blues. The light then shines brightly on the snow-capped mountains creating a magnificent sight. Amazingly beautiful!

2- My car. My Honda Accord is almost eleven years old and she still treats me well. I haven't had any major catastrophes with her. She has driven from Phoenix to Utah and back. Also on the list are Las Vegas, Southern California, Northern California, commuting for five years, and all sorts of back road adventures. Today I calculated and discovered I was getting 33-34 miles per gallon! Wahoo! I really do have a great car.

3- The Unexpected. The subtitle on my blog reads "The unexpected changes our lives." I am amazed at how my best laid plans fall apart. Seriously?! I can be so careful and meticulous and life intervenes to create a wonderful chaotic uncertainty. That happened tonight. Without going into details, I'll just say that my plan was perfect but fate intervened. At least I am sitting here smiling and laughing because only something like that would happen to me. Oh Unexpected. How grateful I am that you are part of my life. You keep me laughing and keep stretching me to help me become better than I currently am now.

Quote of the Day

We're surrounded by people who are busy getting their ducks in a row, waiting for just the right moment...

Getting your ducks in a row is a fine thing to do. But deciding what you are you going to do with that duck is a far more important issue.

--Seth Godin (Marketing guru)

Gratitude Day 18

1- Twins. I love my sister's twins! They are adorable and vivacious and passionate and social and...well you get the idea. I had to drop some keys off at my sister's place today. When the twins saw me they got huge smiles, shouted my name, and gave me huge two-year-old hugs. Those two cuties brightened my day today.

2- Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons. I've been buying a few things there recently (my sister is getting married in a week and is registered there) and having a 20% off coupon for each item saves me lots of money.

3- Random encounters. I swapped shifts with a sister at the temple. Tonight I ran into an MBA friend, my cousin Tim and his wife, and friends from my singles ward. Always good to meet up with people.

Gratitude Day 17

I realize many of my gratitude posts have been more somber and serious. Though it has been a couple of tough weeks, I don't want any of you to think I have lost my optimism or hope. I'm still me. Just taking steps into the darkness and waiting for the light to guide my way.

1- My aunt's laugh. Tonight my aunt invited my sister and I to her house to have dinner with her family. My cousin is in town and getting ready to move to London (again) so this was a way to see him before he left town. As we sat and talked and laughed I couldn't help but admire my aunt's happiness and joy for life. The icing on the cake though is her laugh. Anytime she is laughing, you are laughing with her. It was great to be with the Perry family tonight.

2- Scotcharoos. For those of you who have never had this dessert, you are missing out. Delicious! I love them! They have incredibly addictive substances in them called chocolate and peanut butter and butterscotch. Oh how life seems better when you have had a scotcharoo.

3- Informational interviews that turn into full time offers. Though nothing has been officially signed, hope exists. The CEO that I spoke with last week may have a position for me at the beginning of the new year. Many changes are happening in life and switching jobs seems to be in the mix.

Gratitude Day 16

1- Making it through the day. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder how am I going to survive today? But somehow, after pushing the covers aside, I find a way. Today was one of those days. I made it! Now I just need to get through tomorrow...

2- Speaking in church. I enjoy speaking in church. I just have an incredible fear because I always seem to be tested or tried with the very topic I had to prepare. I was asked to speak in church on Sunday. The topic: tithing. Hopefully I'll be okay on this one as I can't afford any other major setbacks this week.

3- Agency. This may seem like an odd one but I am realizing more and more how precious this gift is in our lives. We fought for it in the pre-existence and though we may find it burdensome in this life, especially when others' choices impact us, I am grateful for the opportunity to choose. I have a choice in life. I can choose to be depressed or happy. I can choose to be bitter or hopeful. I can choose loneliness or sociality. I can choose despair or faith. Most importantly, I can choose to follow my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and allow His love to fill my soul and direct me in His paths. What a blessing choice is in our lives.

Gratitude Day 15

1- Driving. I really do enjoy driving. It gives me a chance to ponder on decisions, to make sense of the craziness that seems to be my life, and to listen to the voice of the Lord. These reasons are probably why I didn't mind having a forty minute commute for four years.

2- Having most of my Christmas shopping done. Before you think I'm just that organized, realize that my family will all be here for Thanksgiving for my sister's wedding. Instead of sending gifts via the postal service, I plan on using the Christensen family mail system and take advantage of everyone being here. I just have one more set of gifts to buy and I already know I can get those at Costco which we all know is a place of many good things.

3- Patience. One attribute of Christ that is difficult for me is patience. Though it has been suggested that I am patient to a fault, I find it a precious gift right now in my life. Elder Neal A. Maxwell talks about the patience in a BYU devotional back in 1979. The whole talk resonates with me but I wanted to share a few specific quotes.

Patience is not indifference. Actually, it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the "process of time."

Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father...We read in Mosiah about how the Lord simultaneously tries the patience of His people even as He tries their faith (Mosiah 23:21). One is not only to endure, but to endure well and gracefully those things which the Lord "seeth fit to inflict upon [us]" (Mosiah 3:19), just as did a group of ancient American saints who were bearing unusual burdens but who submitted "cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15).

Patience is, therefore, clearly not fatalistic, shoulder-shrugging resignation. It is the acceptance of a divine rhythm to life; it is obedience prolonged. Patience stoutly resists pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing. Patience is never condescending or exclusive--it is never glad when others are left out. Patience never preens itself; it prefers keeping the window of the soul open.

Gratitude Day 14

1- Christmas music. Though you may scoff, it really brings peace to the soul. I love wrapping myself in a blanket, drinking hot chocolate, and listening to the sounds of Christmas.

2- Silent Night. I've always enjoyed this song. However, when I went to the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas Concert with Lucy and Scott a few years ago, I gained a new appreciation. It speaks to me in a way that only "O Holy Night" by the King Singers can rival. But that song will be for another day. Enjoy!


3- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day. I never really was a fan of this song. Once again, the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas Concert changed all of that. Ed Herrman's monologue about Henry Wordsworth Longfellow captures the spirit of the song and most importantly, the spirit of Christmas. How I love Christmas!

Gratitude Day 13

1- Other people shopping for me. I've needed brown shoes for my sister's wedding. I had looked but hadn't found anything that really worked for me. My friend Kate and my sister both researched and shopped for me. I now have shoes. So glad I had other people's help on this one.

2- Indian food. How can lamb, naan, and curry be wrong? Love it!

3- Cheesecake Factory cheesecake. My sister was on a business trip this past week. On her way home she stopped at the Cheesecake Factory and bought me a slice of my favorite kind. The best part about this little gift is the cheesecake is so rich it lasts more than one sitting. Thanks Nettie!

Gratitude Day 12

1- Opportunities. I am grateful for the opportunities I have received in life.

2- Adversity and opposition are the true tests of righteousness. Without them we could not really know the state of our hearts. Nor could we truly understand God's existence and love, and His power to guide, comfort, strengthen, and save.

3- There have been, and will be times in each of your lives when such faith must be the bottom line. You don't know what is happening to you or around you, but you know that God loves you, and knowing that, for the moment, is enough.

Gratitude Day 11

1- Another networking lead. Because I was helping a professor with the EMBA course, I ran across a company name that interested me. The professor introduced me to the CEO who was in his EMBA class and today set up an informational interview. That combined with the conference tomorrow, I'm hoping for a positive full-time job lead.

2- Fantastic Family. I have an amazing family! They are loving, kind, funny, supportive, and make my life easier. My nieces and nephews crack me up! They are always doing something that makes me smile.

3- Love for the gospel. This truly is my foundation in life. Hopefully all you who read my blog know that I have a testimony and that my life is founded on the principles of the gospel specifically the atonement of Jesus Christ. What a blessing to understand the mysteries of the Lord.

4- As it is Veterans Day I should also mention my gratitude for those who have fought for our country both past and present. My grandpa served in World War II. He experienced many horrific events and I am grateful for his dedication to serve and all those that continue to serve.

Gratitude Day 10

1- Networking. In MBA school networking was hammered into our heads as the top way to get a job. As I am still looking for a full-time position to replace my part-time one, I have really begun to utilize this idea. Today I met with a friend of both my brother-in-laws. He invited me to a conference where he is going to introduce me to key people who will be influential in helping me find the perfect position.

2- Baked goods. On her way home from work today, my roommate stopped at an amazing bakery shop and bought me a delicious cinnamon roll. Thanks Christine!

3- My A lot sticker. I love that I can park anywhere on campus. After years of always having to park in designated areas, I enjoy that I can pull into any empty stall without thinking twice about getting a ticket.

Gratitude Day 9

1- Working at the temple. I love being a temple worker! Five years ago I had the opportunity to serve for 18 months. I am working there again and am on the same shift. People from four years ago remember me! It's like a second family and I love these sisters dearly. Being in the temple each week and serving others is such a blessing in my life.

2- Tender Mercies. While at the temple, I started talking with a sister about the Lord's guidance in our lives. Last week she was seeking an answer to her prayer about her future. That night I was talking with sisters about my current job at BYU. This sister's interest was peaked and said she was interested in the MBA program but didn't know who to talk to. I told her me. We talked on Sunday and today she told me she has signed up for the GMAT! I was an answer to her prayer. Tonight she was an answer to mine.

3- Simple things. A smile. A hug. A thought. I'm often amazed at how the simple things in life can bring a smile to my face.

Gratitude Day 8

1- Temples that are open on Monday. I decided I wanted to do a session today but most temples are closed on Monday. Gratefully both the Provo temple and Salt Lake temple are open for the mornings. It was a much needed boost.

2- High School musicals. My mom called me this afternoon with free tickets to the play in their home town. The cast actually did a great job for a small school. They performed My Fair Lady and it was a great way to spend the evening.

3- Not teaching high school. Though I enjoyed teaching when I did, I was so glad I wasn't in high school anymore or teaching it. Glad I'm doing something different.

4- Grateful I didn't crash in the snow storm. Visibility was horrible and driving through deer country and the storm made for quite the experience.

Gratitude Day 7

1- Fasting. I am grateful for the principle of fasting and when coupled with prayer and a purpose has the ability to draw us closer to the Lord.

2- Scriptures. They teach us the principle of the gospel: faith, hope, charity; baptism and repentance; the creation, the fall, and the atonement of Jesus Christ. How blessed we all for the scriptures which invite us to our Savior.

3- Prayer. Personal prayer is a gift that I cherish with all my heart. Many personal spiritual impressions have come because of the power of prayer. Peace and the knowledge my Heavenly Father loves me are the greatest blessings that I have received from prayer.

Gratitude Day 6

1- Home. I've been stuck inside most of the day grading final exams for a professor. No it isn't in my job description but it earns me extra cash. I was bored and finally packed up my stuff and drove to my parents' home. No one is here right now (for a few hours) but something about home always makes life easier even if all I'm doing is grading papers.

2- Compliments. I'm amazed at how a simple compliment can create the giddiest smile on my face. Being appreciated by someone else always brightens my day.

3- Brother-in-laws. Many people don't get along with their in-laws but I do not relate to that sentiment in any way, shape, or form. The two who live near me have always been willing to give me a blessing or help me with any life circumstance, like moving from SL to Provo. Another who was just visiting bought me fudge just to be nice. A future one (in three weeks) has always been nice and kind towards me in spite of the teasing about my low Tetris Friends time. I have amazing brother-in-laws!

Gratitude Day 5

1- Good friends. Some of my best friends don't live near me. They live in New York, Ohio, Virginia, Washington, California, Texas, and other places in the country. No matter where they live, they are always there for me and eager to be part of my life. I love my friends!

2- Video messages. Nothing like having a long day and having a video message in your Inbox.

3- Frugality. My mother taught me to be frugal and I am grateful for her example. Toy Story 3 came out the other day. I went to Wal-mart, saw the price, and walked out. I knew I could get a better deal than that. Did some research and found Target had it cheaper. I needed to pick up something there tomorrow and now I get to add Toy Story 3 to that list.

Gratitude Day 4

1- BYU fudge! I've never had it before but today my brother-in-law bought me a chunk. All I can say is the world has never been a better place. Yummy!

2- Hope. Sometimes taking a step into the darkness is scary and though I have no guarantee of how all my "what ifs" will turn out, hope sustains me.

3- Gilmore Girls. I don't watch TV very often but this show is a regular. Always makes the day bright and happy.

Gratitude Day 3

1- Cell Phones. My grandparents corresponded with letters back and forth. Phone calls were quite the rarity. When people did call one another, apparently the whole town could listen in on the conversation (or maybe it was just the operator). I'm grateful for the ability to talk with those I love whenever I want.

2- Afternoon naps. Though I had other work to do, this just hit the spot today.

3- Folded laundry. Yes, I know that I am the one responsible for completing this task, but it feels so nice when it is finally all put away after sitting for more days than I should admit.

Gratitude Day 2

1- Opportunity to vote.

2- Working from home. I like that I can be wrapped in a blanket on my couch working. I still go to campus a couple of times a week but I love that I'm not required to work in a non-existent office.

3- Musicnotes.com. Great website where I can download and print sheet music. If you want a $6 credit, let me know and I'll send you an invite.

Gratitude Day 1

1- Last March I interviewed with a company in SL and they were interested in hiring me. I am grateful I did not take a position with that company. This morning I found out they had a swath of layoffs and I would have been included in that group.

2- Pumpkin bread. Yummy! I've already had two large slices today.

3- Texas Roadhouse. First time eating there tonight. I'm definitely not a vegetarian.

Attitude of Gratitude

Well folks, the trees are changing colors, the days are getting shorter, and you can just smell autumn in the air. It's time for jackets and pumpkins and the November Attitude of Gratitude Challenge. For those of you who have not played before, the challenge is outlined below.

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS:
* The challenge is to come up with three ORIGINAL "things" you are grateful for each day during the month of November. Try not to repeat entries.

* Definition of "things"- the term "things" is used here to encompass a lot of stuff including, but not limited to: a certain set of circumstances, an event, an inanimate object distinguished from a living being, possessions or effects, a deed or act, a product of work or activity, an idea or notion, a piece of news or information, a person, a memory, anything that makes you smile.

WARNING OF POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS!!
Please note that challenge participation may result in any or all of the following:
- you will be surprised at all the Lord has done for you
- angels will attend
- you will feel help and comfort
- you may find yourself singing as the days go by
- your doubts will fly

Comes in Waves

I'm not sure if I have shared this poem before, but my life feels like this right now. I know the Lord is guiding my life. I know that all things come through Him. I know that everything will be okay. But for now...

Waves of Life
It comes in waves
sometimes just barely lapping at your feet
tickling your toes
and even calming your fears
Not only is it bearable but it's even enjoyable
It is easy and carefree
not worth much thought or struggle
But these aren't the waves
When they come, they come in force
The swells catch you off guard
as they pull you out to sea
Breathing is drowned by the pounding surf
You struggle to gain direction
but the current drags you further under
When you catch a breath hoping it is over
another wave crashes on you
harder and fiercer than before
The surge is stronger and more brutal than the first
This time you are thrown against the rocks
creating deep stinging cuts
Your tears and pain are dismissed
even mocked and laughed at
You are tossed and thrown and tortured
until you no longer have the energy to fight
The beating has taken a toll
Your spirit is left bruised and broken
Then slowly as your body washes to shore
you begin to feel the warmth of the sun
healing and calming
You aren't the same
and as time passes you find you are stronger
Slowly, yet hesitatingly, you rise and stand
knowing it comes in waves

Quote of the Day

I saw this on a friend's blog and liked it so much I thought I would share it with all of you. For those interested, the full time job I want has been opened. Hopefully an interview and an offer come within the next few weeks.

“When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and, therefore, let us continue, but with a more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not overprogram us; he will not press upon us more than we can bear."
Neal A. Maxwell

Freak Out Mode

The past two months I have been working at the Marriott School as a recruiting coordinator. Though this job was "part-time", I have been averaging over 35 hours each week teaching a class, helping a professor with his class, meeting with recruiters, and working one-on-one with students helping them with resumes and mock interviews.

With this new job and other situations (dating), I have become completely overwhelmed with the future. I try to remain calm and patient. But inside, I'm freaking out! Heightened amounts of stress plus uncertainty about the future equals an irrational and very needy me. I'm still working on how to deal with this mode. I recognize it. I understand why I am experiencing this. But I don't know how to get out of it, except keep pushing forward. Keeping trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. Keep hoping that I will get a handle on my stress. Keep praying that somehow the force will become balanced once again. Until then...

Eating Greens is a Special Treat

“‘Eating greens is a special treat, It makes long ears and great big feet. But it sure is awful stuff to eat.’ I made that last part up myself.”

To say I was a picky eater as a child is to say Hawaii is surrounded by a small body of water. I was horrible. I remember sitting at the table after everyone had left, with my food still sitting in front of me, having a battle of wills with my mom. Sometimes she won. Other times she would find my food dumped in the garbage can or down the kitchen sink. Once I even had a debate with my dad over who was going to eat my dinner. He explained to me that it was my food; therefore, it was my responsibility to eat it. I countered that argument with the logical explanation that I was giving him my food, which meant he had no guilt in taking and eating it. Though he smiled and laughed at my sound rebuttal, he didn't bite and I ended up forcing myself to eat whatever it was sitting on my plate.

As a teenager, I realized I needed to venture into uncharted territories. Little by little, I began trying new foods hoping to find a taste that seemed palatable. Recent events have caused me to think upon this adventure. I have had the opportunity to try new foods, not by choice, but because circumstances and decorum deemed it necessary. I realized I have added quite the array of new foods to my list of likes (or food I will eat) the past ten years. You may be shocked to see certain foods on my new list of likes, but remember, as a child, I went to great lengths to avoid eating anything that looked suspiciously healthy. For now I am content with my progress and happy to say that I no longer feel that "greens" are awful stuff to eat.

Not an inclusive list: Strawberries, Avocados, Raspberries, Spinach, Broccoli, Artichokes, Asparagus, Sauteed Mushrooms, Green Beans

Little by Little

Accomplished another milestone today: I ran eight miles! Something I would have thought unimaginable three months ago.

Playlist

What are your favorite songs as you work out? Please post a few of your favorites on the comment board so I can add them to my running playlist.

Finishing the Run

A couple of months ago, I signed up for a half marathon. I wasn't a runner but needed something in life to distract me from the uncertainties that were in front of me. My sister gave me a running schedule to help me transition from a walker to a runner. Through the past two months, I have made some great improvements despite meeting a few obstacles. For example, at the end of May, I became sick for a week. This sickness made it difficult to jump back into my running schedule. I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up. I felt like my body was rejecting running.

Yesterday my sister imparted great words of running wisdom. She reminded me that the half marathon was not a race. It was a run. The goal was not to finish first. The goal was to finish. During a half marathon, people need to stop and stretch their muscles, drink to replenish nutrients lost, take a bathroom break, and so forth. Each runner has different needs and how I run and what I need during a run will be different than the person next to me.

As I reflected on those words last night, I found myself running with more consistency and with less grumbling. I started focusing on the goal of finishing the run and stopped worrying about the time it was taking. When I wanted to stop and walk, I realized I could give myself a moment's rest (I walked only half a block) then continued forward.

With this new mental attitude and focus, I ran 3 miles. I have never done that. I have always given up or just walked or let my body tell me what to do or some other lame excuse. This week my running schedule has me pushing myself even more. I can do this. I can finish this half marathon. Why? Because it isn't about finishing first or finishing with an amazing time or finishing with glory, laud, and honor. It is only about finishing and I can do that.

Many times in life, we act like we are running a race. We compare ourselves to our neighbors and friends and question why we aren't more like them. We criticize ourselves when we don't measure up to the expectations we placed on us. We allow negative thoughts to creep in our minds and metaphorically believe we can't finish the race so give up. The truth we need to train our minds is this: life isn't a race. It is a run. Each of us can finish. We finish with different paces. We finish with different needs along the way. We finish after taking time to nourish and replenish our souls. But we all can finish.

I Have Finished My Course

Grams built a house next door to my parents about ten years ago. The traffic and chaos of Southern California were starting to wear on her nerves and she wanted to be close to my dad who could take care of any medical problems that arose. She had a cute house that was nestled neatly at the edge of our cul-de-sac. Though it replaced a much loved game field, I enjoyed having her nearby.

Grams moved into a care facility two years ago. She had hired a lady to help in the evenings at her home but that lady had a heart attack and my parents were going to Denmark the next day. A quick solution for the situation, since Grams couldn't be alone, was a care facility. When my parents came home, we all realized this was the better place for Grams even though we enjoyed having her next door. Gratefully, a place was built nearby and she was a quick five minute drive from my parents' front door.

As it became more clear that Grams would never return to her house, my dad, aunt, and uncles began organizing her things. Long story short, my parents became owners of Grams' house. A few weeks ago they were approached about renting it to a new doctor coming to town and my parents agreed. Since my parents were taking off for Europe (they seem to do that often), my mom asked me to pack up Grams' things in preparation for the renters. This way the rooms and cupboards would be cleaned out when my mom returned from her trip and could quickly get it ready.

As you all know, Grams passed away before my parents returned from Europe. Packing up her house was no longer in preparation for the renters. It became a walk through Grams' life as I began organizing the trinkets and memories of the past. To be honest, I started with the easiest room: the washroom. Nothing sentimental in cleaners. But then came the harder rooms. I found little dishes that ignited remembrances of long forgotten events, music collections published in the 1930s, certificates honoring her for her service at the local prison and welcoming her as a member of the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers, pictures of all her grandchildren, pictures of Gramps, and other hand written pieces written to her and by her.

Some of the most cherished pieces actually came when I cleaned out her book collection. A testimony about the divinity of the Savior from my cousin Morgan was being used as a bookmark. Her scripture marker was in Alma 34 - a memorable chapter in our family (Gramps license plate one read Alma 34). Notes from Gramps as he read the Book of Mormon. Old books including one which was published in 1891 and had my great-great grandmother's name in it.

As I sit in her house and sort her things, I realize what an incredible life she lived. She lived through the Great Depression, World War II, the rise of Communism, the first man on the moon, the fall of Communism, the rapid rise of the internet (she even had her own email account for a while), and the development of mass communication in all its forms. I found a copy of telegram from Gramps to Grams letting her know what time he would call that week. Now I can text a friend with little hassle. Grams lived a great life with many details unknown to the world. She wasn't boastful nor sought the praise of the world. She served the Lord in many ways. In her sixties she learned Spanish and served two LDS missions: Mexico and Argentina. Her life was of quite service to others.

One of my special memories of Grams was the first time I went through the temple. That day was important in many regards, but I remembering waiting for the matron to come speak with me before the session and Grams slipped in the room and sat with me. Mom was on one side. Grams was on the other. She missed being part of many others' experiences so wanted to be right with me the whole time. How grateful I was for her gumption and determination to be there.

Grams' possessions may be packed up and stored for a period of time, her posterity may take items to remember her, and other items may be donated to those less fortunate; however, Grams will not be remembered for her things. She will live on as we recount her stories, her life, and her wisdom. Her legacy will live on in all those whose lives she touched. Already miss you Grams!

Happily Ever After Part II

My beautiful and amazing Grandma passed away last night. She was a woman of faith and an example to all. I love my Grandma and am filled with peace as I think about her joyous reunion with my Grandpa. The knowledge of eternal families truly is a tender mercy and blessing from the Lord. How grateful I am for the restored gospel of Jesus Christ which has allowed us to be sealed together as families in His holy temples. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

From 2 Timothy 4:7-8:
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.

Happily Ever After

My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this past weekend. They celebrated like most retirees by jetting off to Europe for two weeks. Part of the time they will spend in Switzerland where my dad served his LDS mission and where my parents lived for nine months in the first few years of their marriage. The other time they are traveling Prague and Budapest with three of my sisters who are having their own adventures this week.

My parents are a great example to me. My dad always greets my mom with a kiss and hug when he comes home from work. When we are watching a movie, my parents still hold hands. It's really cute! They are always thinking of the other person and their kids. My parents have sacrificed so much for us: weekly piano lessons; sports camps; music trips; school activities; driving us around everywhere; giving of their time, talents, and energy.

I have favorite memories of both my parents. My dad would sing to us or recite scriptures as we were falling asleep. He was often busy and this was his time with us. He taught us the constellations, brought us hiking in National Parks and surfing in the oceans of California, and testified of the gospel of Jesus Christ. My mom was superwoman. She got eight kids off to school each day and helped us get everything done at night. She taught me discipline which has helped me throughout my life. She would drive us to Provo in the morning then to St. George in the afternoon. Yes. That really did happen. She has let me cry on her should many, many times and never complained and always comforted. Her daily actions reflect the attributes of a disciple of Christ.

My parents are amazing people and I hope they have enjoyed their "Happily Ever After" the past 40 years.

Merry Old Month of May

I could list a whole lot of reasons why I haven't blogged recently, but truthfully it really is sheer laziness. To those few readers who like to know what is going on in my life here is my May recap:

• Traveled to California. Visited family. Slept. Relaxed. Vented frustrations.
• Signed up for a half marathon. Started running. Wanted to quit running. Still running.
• Helped a friend who got sick. Raging ear infection. Ears swollen. No hearing. High fever. Not fun.
• Still job searching. No luck yet. Still frustrated on that front.
• Cleaning life. Organizing boxes. De-junking. Very therapeutic.
• Sister is engaged. Excited for her. November wedding. Beautiful dress.
• Planning life. Still figuring it out. Hoping for the best.

Graduation Day

I graduated from MBA school last week. Lots of pictures were taken. Speakers were great! The Deseret News randomly chose me to interview and I ended up being the lead in the story. Here are some pictures commemorating the event:

MBA Golf Day

Last week I participated in the BYU MBA golf day. Some of you may be thinking, "You golf?" Yes and no. My brother taught me some golf techniques before he left on his LDS mission. I am quite handy with a pitching wedge and nine iron. Those were the two clubs that let me practice hitting back and forth across the field near our house without the ball going over the fence or hitting another house. But, I am digressing in the story.

People in the program signed up on teams of four. I realized my golf skills were far below amateur so didn't even bother looking for a team. Then I realized that each team could have a caddie. I found a team with my friends and asked to be their caddie. Basically my job was to move the golf cart and grab clubs as needed. Though I didn't golf, I had a really great time. We all laughed and joked throughout the day. Though our team didn't have the best score, we probably had the best time. I am going to miss all my friends. I've spent everyday for two school years with these people. It's going to be quite a shock next week after graduation when I no longer am in daily contact with them. I am grateful I took a leap of faith and applied for MBA school.

Kate and I at Sleepy Ridge Golf Course

Ghetto Skiing

Back in January, I went skiing with my brother Paul, his wife Ashley, and their friends Mark and Amy. We didn't go to a ski resort. We went to a place near my parents' cabin. The road and landscape are such that you you can shuttle people up to the top of the slope. We rotate driving which makes for a great day. Though I call it ghetto skiing it really is cheap and fun! As you can see from the picture, we aren't the only ones who enjoy this little known ski run. I brought a few friends up to this spot a few weeks later and they too were convinced of the greatness of ghetto skiing. Unfortunately I don't have pictures of that trip. With school coming to a close, maybe I can get one more trip in before the snow melts.

Happy Easter!

Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior. He suffered for our sins in Gethsemane and died on the cross that we may be resurrected and return to live with Him. We live in a day where His gospel is on the earth, where we are led by His prophet, and where we may receive revelation just like in the days of the Old and New Testament. May we all have a renewed determination to know and to serve our Savior and to live as He would have us live. I love you all!

Not an April's Fools Joke

My classmates and I convinced one of my teachers to change the final from an individual case write-up to a one page bullet point paper and class discussion. Only one final! Happy day!

March Madness

March really has been a crazy month. Even though I am only taking 12.5 credits, I have been incredibly busy. Now that it is the end of March I realize that classes end in two weeks. I have two Heaton cases, one paper to write, one book to read, four readings, and two finals left until graduation. I turned down a job today because I didn't feel it was the right position for me. I have no other concrete leads but many hoped for opportunities which would allow me to experience another adventure in another state. To be honest, I would be okay not working until August. I'm not that lazy but have too many fun vacations in the works: Sacramento, Yosemite, DC, Civil War sites, Huntington Beach, hikes in Utah, Lake Powell, visits to friends, and more. Right now my life is full of uncertainties. I have no idea what is around the corner, but that is what makes it so exciting. Bring on Summer!

Tender Mercies

We all have times in our life when we hit a wall and just don't know how to keep going. That is me right now. I'm exhausted with all that has happened the past two years of MBA school. Everything from accounting and finance classes to dating to internships to being engaged to breaking off the engagement to finding a job to getting sick week after week to planning my life. I'm worn out. The past few days I had given up. I skipped a group meeting and watched basketball with a friend and took a nap instead. I let important things slip like reading my scriptures. (This one really is brilliant. I bought a nice set of leather scriptures since my cheap set was quite worn and even had a bout with a paper shredder. My problem was (yes I know this is lame) I wanted to mark my new set but with the "right" colors and pencils and pens with the "right" topics. I hadn't found exactly what I wanted so I put it off day after day.) My actions definitely were not consistent with my values and beliefs.

Today a rebuke came in the form of tender mercies. I woke up not wanting to go to my ward. It wasn't church I was avoiding. Just my ward. I decided to go to stake conference in Gunnison. I walked in and saw my dad who lit up at the sight of me. I needed to see that love. The talks that were given all hit questions that were in my mind. One particular point was the powerful affect of women in the lives of others. Each speaker seemed to say something about the importance of women. I felt very distinctly the need to make a few course corrections to make sure I am a woman of influence, a woman of virtue, a woman of faith. I need to make sure I am lifting and building others and to make sure that the light of Christ is reflected in my countenance. Another point was the power of forgiveness in all its forms. I have made some choices in my life that many attribute as irrational. They don't understand why I have made these choices. The Lord knows and I felt overwhelming peace when reflecting on those decisions. One final tender mercy was the visiting authority. At the last moment the schedule changed and Elder Spencer J. Condie of the Seventy came instead of another member of the Seventy. I connected with a talk he gave years ago. Seeing and hearing him speak today reminded me that God knows me and God does remember his promises. I spoke with Elder Condie after the conference and once again, I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace from the Spirit of the Lord.

This morning I awoke with a weight on my heart and dread in my soul. This evening I feel hope in the future. Hope in the power of repentance. Hope in the miracle of forgiveness and the atonement. Hope in the knowledge that the Lord knows and remembers me. The Lord knew I needed to be in Gunnison today and when I wake up tomorrow, my resolve is to punch through that wall or climb over it or blast it to pieces or something. I won't let the uncertainties of life defeat me. I won't let the easiness of the way slow my pace. I won't let the stumbling blocks trip me. I will persevere because I have the help of the Lord.

PS - I pulled out the old, beat-up Book of Mormon a few days ago. I testify that reading the Book of Mormon daily gives us power to do all things.

Modern Medicine

Relief is in sight! With almost 48 hours worth of antibiotics, my ear is starting to feel better. I'm not so ornery anymore. Hallelujah!

Things of the Past

One thing I dealt with as a child were constant ear infections, tonsillitis, and strep throat. I remember being sick often. Once the tonsils were removed and tubes put in my ears, I had a much healthier life. I was still paranoid if my throat or ears ever hurt but gratefully I haven't been plagued with these issues since the two surgeries I had as a child.

Unfortunately my weary body succumbed. Somehow I developed an ear infection in my left ear. It makes my head hurt. All I want to do is sleep. I am disappointed when I wake up and isn't any better. I had forgotten how aggravating an ear infection can be to living life. To you parents whose kids suffer, be patient. Ear infections are not fun for us either.

Sometimes It IS All About Me

My life has been one crazy, hectic mess since January. Needless to say, I was exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, academically, etc. So last week I imposed a break from school. I needed time for me. Time to relax, laugh, sleep, and enjoy life. Since the first block was over, I had one less class. Plus one of my other classes was canceled on Wednesday, another had only one case prep for the week, and I was released from the RS presidency the previous Sunday. So, I knew I would have some extra time for my unofficial Spring Break. I still made sure I was prepared with assignments, but I skimmed readings instead of thoroughly reading them. Okay one day I just skipped reading altogether. I figured at least I still went to class.

Here are some of the things I did to enjoy myself this past week:
* Cataloged my food storage so I knew what I owned. I hated going to the store and buying more of what I already owned. For example, I own 4 Costco sizes of peanut butter and I don't like peanut butter sandwiches.
* Bought off white church shoes. I have two cute skirts that I love wearing but have never liked my shoe options. I finally found a pair I liked!
* Used some Christmas gift cards. I now own cake pans.
* Bought and kept (yes this is a miracle) clothes from Ann Taylor Loft. Yay for new clothes!!
* Went bowling with my friends Erin and Julina. Our goal was to see who could get the highest MPH with the bowling ball. Erin won with 21 MPH. However, I did get the highest bowling score. :)
* Cleaned my room! I washed my sheets, rotated my mattress, organized and filed the piles of papers and souvenirs that were building up in my room, vacuumed, and reorganized some furniture. My room finally feels happy again.
* Invited friends over for fondue. I love fondue! We had a cheese fondue and a chocolate fondue. Yummy!
* Slept 7-9 hours a night. My poor body sure needed the rest.

Though this week is going to be another busy week, last week gave me enough of a boost to help me endure. Plus, I am going to Brian Regan which is going to be amazing!

I am officially done with my MBAA position on the Executive Council. My successor has been elected and it is time for me to pass the torch over to her. Slowly but surely my MBA time is coming to a close. I have loved being in school again and am excited to see where I am headed next, but truthfully what I really want is a week in Hawaii just to relax before starting the real world again.

Edward vs. Edward

Most women and girls right now have a fetish for Edward Cullen from the Twilight series. He may be dark and broodish with carefully disheveled hair, chiseled cheekbones, and glowing eyes but he lacks appeal. His controlling, overacting personality is quite annoying. He whines, complains, manipulates, and his overprotecting nature only makes his relationship with Bella even more frustrating to read or watch. Frankly it diminishes his physical charm and ability to captivate my attention.

Compare that with Edward Ferrars from Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. At first glance he isn't strikingly handsome and his manners are described only as pleasing. However, looking past that natural shyness, he has a kind, affectionate, and loyal heart. He is willing to sacrifice his own personal happiness with the woman he loves to honor his promise to another. Only until he is truly free to declare his love does he ask Elinor to marry him. No manipulation. No possessive antics. Honest, true love. He may not be an Edward Cullen or a Willoughby physically but Edward Ferrars' strong moral character rivals that of these "sexy" men, which makes him that much more physically attractive, that much more intriguing, and far more fascinating. Give me an Edward Ferrars over an Edward Cullen any day.

A Better Recipe

I was able to remake the recipe and it turned out much better than the first batch. Amazing what happens when you follow ingredient amounts! However, I like a similar recipe much better and wanted to share it. I am tempted to use the other recipe's caramel mixture instead of the one listed below but I'll have to try that another day.

German Chocolate Squares
1 pkg (14 oz.) or 50 caramels
1/3 cup evaporated milk
1 pkg. German Chocolate cake mix
2/3 cup melted butter
1/3 cup evaporated milk
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Combine caramels and 1/3 cup evaporated milk. Melt over heat until smooth and fully melted. Set aside. Combine cake mix, butter, 1/3 cup evaporated milk. Mix until dough is smooth. Press half of dough into a greased and floured baking 9X13 baking dish. Bake at 350 for 6-10 minutes. Sprinkle chocolate chips over baked crust. Spread caramel mixture over chocolate chips. Place remaining dough over the caramel mixture. Bake at 350 for 15-18 minutes. Cool, then refrigerate to set caramel layer. Enjoy!

Not My Day, Week, or Month

I don't like to complain but honestly January was not a kind month to me. It was equivalent to Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day except it was a month long. I was hoping February would be better. I was hoping to avoid Katherine Paterson's adage from Jacob Have I Loved:

February is just plain malicious. It knows your defenses are down...February hits you right in the stomach. And not with a lightning strike like a September hurricane, but punch after punch after punch. February is a mean bully.

What has happened you may ask? What could possible get Thamina riled up so much? Hmm...where to start. Could it be someone hitting my car? Could it be because I was pulled over even though I legitimately was speeding and still didn't get a ticket? Or maybe that I was careless and burned my fingers on a hot pan? Honestly what really set me off was my own fault but after the month I had I thought February was going to treat my kindly. Nope! Because for the first time in my life, I didn't read a recipe correctly and completely ruined the treats I was making for dessert night which will probably be my last dessert night because I have school conflicts that night. Now I'll have to settle for something ordinary and bland. I don't have time tomorrow to buy new ingredients and remake the brownies.

February you were supposed to be kind. You were supposed to make up for last month. You were supposed to have some mercy on my already worn out soul. Alas...you must be friends with January.