My Mother's Day Tribute

For a mom who caught all the pain I couldn’t heal, who wore the cape when I was too tired, who always had a supply of chocolate and an extra set of rain boots. She taught me how to see the world when the world was dark and cold. And when I was blind, she showed me how to find the ocean and to taste all that lay before me. My eyes shine because of her. She is my mother.

There’s a wonderful poem that reads: “Oh snail / Climb Mount Fuji / But slowly / Slowly.” My advice is to work hard, find inspiration in unconventional places, and don’t rush it. You will get there when you stop trying to get there. —Joe Chernov

Scariest Thing Imaginable

Whenever something new or overwhelming comes my way, I find myself paralyzed, unable to move. I've had a few of those recently. After talking with my boss a few weeks ago about a frustration at work, I realized I didn't understand the depth of the feelings I was experiencing. I took some time over that weekend to reflect on what was holding me back and realized, after reading an article, that it was fear. The author had asked his audience to tell him their biggest fears. The results astounded me. The most common two fears were quite...contrary.

1. Fear of failure
2. Fear of success

After the conversation with my boss, I was assigned new projects at work, something that nobody was working on or had worked on, and I was now responsible for them. Though I was excited about this idea, it also generated quite the internal conflict between failure and success. What if I completely bombed the projects? What if I succeeded, raised expectations, and then failed? What would they think of me then?

I feared failure but the thought of success was just as unnerving. I know. Sounds crazy. But it was the reality I was living in. And I found those same feelings came with thoughts of dating.

Of course, the author also brought up exactly what I was trying to avoid. "In between failure and success lies comfort and mediocrity. Living in comfort isn’t really living at all...Comfort is a feeling that holds us back. Comfort keeps us mediocre." In trying not to fail, I was allowing myself to be average and boring. I was holding on to the status quo. To really grow and become more, I had to take that leap of faith, break out of my shell, and embrace change.

So I'm tackling a few projects, both professionally and personally, that are challenging me. I have no idea how any of this will play out, but I'm trying. I'm plowing forward and doing all I can—which, ironically, in one case is to do nothing. I'm already seeing great results at work. Now, I'm just waiting to see how all this personal stuff plays out. Going to be an interesting adventure but one that will be far more enjoyable than sitting around waiting comfortably in my pseudo-protected bubble. Whenever I'm feeling nervous or discomfort or fear, I remember a favorite movie quote*, strap on my Calvin suit, and face the world head-on.

*"Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable."

Driving Limits

As I was driving home from work yesterday, I thought about limits in terms of speed limits. Somehow my brain was able to dig up in the random school file hidden somewhere deep in the recess of my brain the mathematical concept of upper and lower limits. At that moment, I finally realized why people have a difficult time with speed limits on the freeway. Too many think of the speed limit as the upper limit. Whereas others—myself included—view it as the lower limit. If you aren't going at least the speed limit, you aren't in an acceptable range. Of course, I recognize an upper limit does exist and I find that to be 10-15 mph above the lower limit. My understanding of freeway speeds has taken me to a much higher dimension (or is it actually lower?) than I should ever admit. Oh well. Now you get an idea of what I think about while driving.

Setting Goals

I like setting goals. I like feeling like I am accomplishing something. Some of my goals are pretty simple: Not eating any candy while at work; not falling while at the climbing gym; not letting technology run my life (which annoys those who call or text me and my phone is on silent and nowhere near me). While others are a bit more difficult: Working out before I got to work (6am anyone?); coming home and reading instead of watching tv (which actually is getting much easier); making time for the important things. My favorite goals are those that can't be measured. They test my courage and push me to become more than I am. Remember my three goals for the new year?

• All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.
  
• All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and good things happen.
  
• To be surprised.

Right now I feel like all three are actively pursing me. So I'm meeting them head-on and it's an interesting ride. No, I have nothing to report. No big surprises. No life changing events. But one day, all of that will change because of these three random, immeasurable goals.

Life Lessons Learned

Today KSL highlighted an article with Elizabeth Smart. In the article she said something that resonated with me and I hope that I can live my life with the same optimistic outlook.

"Nobody is trial-free, but we have a choice. We can choose to allow our experiences to hold us back, and to not allow us to become great or achieve greatness in this life. Or we can allow our experiences to push us forward, to make us grateful for every day we have and to be all the more thankful for those who are around us."

Quote of the Day

‎"There is no royal road to anything worth having. We must work for what we get. The prizes are not for the weaklings and triflers, but for the persistent, earnest individuals who will “hang on” until they succeed." -Theron Q. Dumont

Spring Morning

Out of the bosom of the Air,
Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,
Over the woodlands brown and bare,
Over the harvest-fields forsaken,
Silent, and soft, and slow
Descends the snow.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Political Activism

Yes. I am a state delegate for Utah's Republican Convention in April. I went to the caucus meeting in March, listened to what people were saying, and realized, "I can do this. Actually, I want to do this." I had one of those "Oh crap!" moments. You know those right? When you become aware of what your mind has been telling you all along.

The thought of running for a state delegate first came when a letter was read in church encouraging us to become actively involved in the political process. I dismissed it. It came again as we were walking into the meeting that night. I figured I was just being cocky. When it came the third time, I went with it. I prayed and asked, "What should I say?" The answer came quickly and clearly, and the rest is history.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with all that is going on but I'm enjoying being involved. I listen to debates and to the candidates more than I have in the past. The state convention is going to be an interesting event with many people wanting to oust Senator Hatch from his office. I'm curious to see how this all plays out.

On another note, I had an "Oh crap!" moment the other day while traveling for work. Wonder what will come of that one...

Life is Good

Loved watching General Conference this weekend, especially with this little guy. He's kind of captured my heart.

My New Hobby...

Parallel Lives

Today I was reminded once again how similar my life is to a year ago—different situations but parallel in circumstance. Last year on this exact day, the last Monday in March, someone's decision made me mad. Okay not mad. Furious. Outraged. Tasmanian devil, hair on fire, incensed at what had just unfolded. (Someone once asked my sister if she was always happy. She responded, "90% of the time." "What about the other 10%?" "You don't want to see that 10%." That's where I was. At the 10%.) It took me THREE days to calm down! It may have continued longer than that, but the Lord was looking out for me. I was shopping at the Outlets in Park City, standing in GAP, when I heard a voice. "Thamina, either you trust me or you don't." I stopped. What? It came again. "Either you trust me or you don't." I stopped for a second. Realized the simplicity of the statement. Exhaled. And released all anger with that breath. I trusted the Lord. I made some decisions that day that forever changed my life.

We don't get many opportunities in life to have a do-over or a second chance at something, but I found myself in a parallel situation. Someone's actions had an effect on me and I got another shot to "try again." Instead of reacting quickly, I took a moment for me. I thought about what I really wanted, what outcome I was hoping for, and what I needed to do to get that result. I care about this person and didn't want to be mad, even though I had every right to be. I read my scriptures seeking guidance, and I was filled with compassion and kindness as I read about the atonement and the infinite mercy of our Lord and Savior (Thank-you Alma!). I knew then how to respond. Still not sure of the outcome. We'll see on this one. But I'm grateful I had a chance to act differently.

BFFs

I have some of the greatest friends! When something unexpected happened yesterday, two of them immediately reached out to me, one all the way from France! I love my friends!

For those who know what happened yesterday, know that I am fine. I really don't care. I have something else on the horizon that has me preoccupied for the moment. For those that don't know, shoot me an email or text or gchat or phone call. I'm happy to share.

Having amazing friends and family are such a blessing. Love you all!

Thoughts of the Day

Instead of creating a bunch of different blog posts, I thought you'd enjoy the random thoughts that go through my head each day.

A week or so ago, a guy emailed me on an online dating site. He looked like a nice guy so I responded. We emailed a couple of times until the guy's email last night. He gave me a nickname. Not just any nickname. One I detest. I shouldn't judge him for trying to be flirty, but seriously?! He doesn't know me well enough to shorten my name.

At work today, a co-worker explained that she drank hot water because she heard it was better to drink water that was close to body temperature. Now that just sounded weird to me. Hot water was better than cold water? Does your body care? And wouldn't it require more energy to heat up the cold water which would help you lose weight or even speed up your metabolism? I know I'm not a doctor or nutritionist but random health claims always remind me of my sister. Whenever somebody claims something is all natural, her reply is "So is dirt."

This morning as I was laying in bed I decided I wasn't going to do something. Then as I was getting ready, I had a clear thought that went completely contrary to what I said I wasn't going to do. I should learn not to say "I never" but I did start to wonder. When is it a random thought or something I want to do, and when is it a spiritual impression? I'm over 30. You'd think I'd have that figured out by now, but I don't. I decided that something that clear and specific should be acted upon. Better to act then wonder "what if". However, I'm still not sure on this one.

I found this quote today and thought, "Yes! I'm getting there!" I felt like the spirited me was on the comeback. “The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-talking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong.” I read that after I acted on the thought from the morning. Taking a risk and hoping for the best.

Called to Serve

My parents have been called to serve in the Mexico Area Office as the area medical advisor (dad) and assistant to the area medical advisor (mom). They are specifically assigned to the Mexico City East Mission but will serve multiple missions in the area. Thanks to technology all of the family was able to watch or listen to them open the call via Google+ Hangout. I was able to capture my parents' expressions when the call was read. I love my mom's face on the second photo. Mexico was definitely not on the list of expected places. Since my dad is fluent in German we all thought maybe somewhere in Europe but the Lord had other plans. The family is thrilled for my parents!! Fun, exciting times ahead!

Worth the Risk

I've been tagging all my old blog posts so they are more easily searchable. Take a look at the tags along the side. Nice, huh?

As I've been re-living the last four years of my life, I've been fascinated by the person who wrote these blogs. First, she left out a lot of information!! No wonder some of you are confused by her random thoughts. I'm here to tell you there's more to the story than what is written here. Ask her sometime. She's more than happy to let you in on the secret.

Second, this girl was a fighter. My favorite quote so far is "I am grateful for my bull-headed, risk taking, no regrets personality. I believe I have lived a better life because of it." When did I get shy and reserved? Somewhere along the lines that fiery passion got smothered. I know it's still there somewhere and I need to find it. Stoke it. Re-kindle the flame. Build the confidence to take the risks in front of me. I know it's worth it.

Girl Brain on Steroids

This week has been bit of a trying week. We all have those moments when we feel off our game or out of sorts. Add deleting a bunch of documents, pictures, and emails from the past few years and I became a mixed mess of emotions. What's interesting about this situation is my logical, rational brain knew exactly what was going on and kept trying to tell what I call "Girl Brain" to calm down. Then one day, I had a realization about myself and the tactics the adversary uses against us. Here's my story:

On Monday I woke up with a big weight on my soul. I wanted to give up on future possibilities. Didn't think I could handle anymore uncertainty in life. As I drove to work, I started thinking about how I was feeling and realized I was discouraged about the current situation, had been distracted by frivolous pursuits of nothingness all weekend along, and was doubting all the good things that had happened the week before. It's as if a light turned on in my brain! I knew the adversary was working heavily on me and that I had even let him in a bit by choosing to be distracted with technology.

That really opened my mind and heart to the whisperings of the Spirit. I had to choose to push these outside influences out of me so that I could make room for the Spirit in my life. The rest of my Monday was filled with the fruits of the Spirit and I'm grateful that I was able to "snap out of it" as quickly as I did.

Of course the adversary didn't give up that easily. We still had a few battles this week but I knew I was being attacked by the adversary with how I was feeling. What I needed most was how to arm myself and fight off the assault. This scripture and going to the temple gave me the tools and the power I needed. My commentary is in parentheses.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear (that's a tactic of the adversary. Remember Moses and Satan in the book of Moses....Where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God....Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not. [Moses 1:13–16]....And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God [the very phrase used by Joseph Smith], he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory. [Moses 1:19–22])

but of power (power of the priesthood, power of temple covenants, faith, agency, gift of the Holy Ghost),

and of love (Love of God, charity, Love for fellowman),

and of a sound mind (think of the promises given in the initiatory ordinances; D&C 6:23 - Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?).

I'm realizing that the tactics of the adversary come many times throughout our day. I can't force situations and others' choices, but I can choose to serve the Lord and not become subject to the 5 Ds (discouragement, doubt, deceive, distract, and disqualify). So though my life isn't playing out as fast as I want it to, I know the Lord is guiding my path. I know He does have great things planned for me. I felt that to be the truth on Monday and today. Whenever I feel discouraged or distracted or doubtful, I remind myself that the Lord is in charge and He does not work with those emotions. He uses peace, caution, or warning.

So I write this to testify of the goodness of the Lord and the miraculous hand He has played in my life especially recently, but I also write to remind myself. Never give up on the Lord. Never give up on those you care most about. Never give up on the promised blessings that are so close you can taste it but need a bit more time before they are yours. Promises will be fulfilled and the Lord will provide the way.

I Love to See the Temple

This weekend my cousin married the beautiful Brittany in the Salt Lake Temple. After pictures, I decided to play with Instragram on my phone and ended up with the most fantastic shots. I'm so happy with the results!

I really like this image...

Debt Free

As of today, I am officially student loan debt free. I had loans from my M.Ed at ASU and my MBA at BYU. Out of state tuition at ASU was killer but I determined to keep paying off the interest while in MBA school to keep the loan from getting out of control. Last March, I decided to put all extra money towards both students loans and to have them paid off in one year. Okay, actually the goal was January 1st, but Paris and a few other trips had me alter the goal to one year. I made that goal. And it feels really good!