How I Would Like to Live My Life

Family Fun

Zion National Park feels like my backyard. We went often as a family (along with Bryce Canyon and Capital Reef) since it was so close to where I grew up. I love Zions. And I love my family. This summer I got both. For our annual reunion, we all met up in St. George (minus my sister-in-law who was in school and my niece who had a "not mandatory but highly recommended" soccer camp). We had such a great time hiking, playing at the pool, watching Aladdin at Tuacahn, and working just being together. 

I did have to work a bit each day, and I managed that by getting up at 6am each morning to be ready to leave by 9am for family time and working from 10pm-1am each night. It was an exhausting schedule, and one that made me resent my job the past few months, but it was the only way I could do what needed to be done and still spend time with my family. (The reason I had to work that week was the director of marketing gave his two weeks notice before my vacation and left that was his last week. A lot of his responsibilities fell on me.)

Here are pictures highlighting the fun hikes and family time:

I'm back...

well sort of. I realized the last post I wrote was in August and it was kind of depressing. Not me at all. I'm happy to report that the optimistic, full of hope me is back. I think (I hope). I have so much I need to record, but all of my pictures are on my other computer and the battery is dead. I really should start bringing my power cord home if I'm going to use my work computer to play games and stuff. Anyway, I'm off topic. Updates will begin this weekend when I will not be working. Yes. I finally figured out this whole "I have a million things to do for work and can never do them all."

How did I solve this problem? Easy. I crossed off all the things on my list that were never going to happen, and when someone asked if he could help, gave him something that still needed to get done. Next, I talked with my boss about key issues that were bothering me. That wasn't easy. It required a lot of humility on my part to admit I couldn't do everything. She was more supportive than I anticipated. Now the biggest issue still isn't resolved, but both she and I are working on it. Hoping for something good soon. I also decided that if I worked two 12-hour days each week, I could have my weekends. That may seem horrible, but it's made a difference for me. I get a lot done when everyone leaves the office, and I can focus on meetings and group projects when everyone is there. The biggest change I made was shifting my attitude. I realized I could whine and complain about a situation or I could approach each day with a renewed optimism and a determination not to let things bother me. Easier said than done. But it's made a world of difference. I feel a bit more like Nephi "Nevertheless I went forth" than Laman and Lemuel "Grumble in the morning; grumble at night..." I feel more like myself AND I'm loving my job again.

Good things are coming from this change in me and at work. First, I'm taking next Friday off for a weekend in California and a couple of days in October while traveling for work in Boston. Really excited about that one. Yay for being able to go on vacation! Second, working late has given me more interactions with my CEO. Tuesday night I was working late and as he was heading out the door with a group to go to dinner, he shouted out to me that I was invited too. Well, the CEO invited me to dinner. I wasn't going to pass that up. What a great evening! Had so much fun with the CEO, a couple of other execs, and co-workers. New mantra: When the CEO invites you to dinner, drop everything and go. Totally worth it! Third, I'm loving my church calling and the girls. I'm the Laurel adviser. What a fun calling! The girls and I have decided that every 2nd Sunday is treat night at my place. These girls bring such joy into my life. They know I'm busy with work and experienced it the other night when I logged onto the internet at the church building to email something before a deadline and before we took off for the activity. They laughed with me about that, but also understood me a bit more which helped them open up about themselves.

So life is good. Still many bumps. But I'm handling things much better now. More updates on the fun adventures of me coming soon.

He Hears Me

Today I had the sweetest experience. I attended the wedding of a good friend and was overcome with emotion when the sealer walked into the room. Years ago, this sealer Elder Dennis E. Simmons gave a talk titled "But If Not..." in general conference and it has become my foundation for life, especially when I'm approaching a difficult decision or being bombarded with adversity.

I've been so busy with work lately. Since my boss left in June, I average 10-12 hour work days. I usually work late on Friday evenings and most Saturdays. I struggle to not work on Sunday because I have a meeting first thing Monday morning, my new boss wants the presentation Sunday evenings (she isn't LDS) to review, and I usually don't get the numbers I need from people until Saturday evening if not Sunday morning. On Wednesday at 5:30, a bunch of assignments were piled on my plate even though I had already scheduled to have Thursday and Friday off. So, I worked until 1am until I was too tired to think, then got up the next day and worked another four hours, barely having enough time to help my parents which is why I took the time off in the first place. I worked everyday of my family's yearly vacation; my brother invited me to California with his family at the end of July and I felt I could only take two days off if I wanted a real vacation; and today I received a notice from my boss telling me I couldn't take any more time off until I had two people trained on our marketing automation system (something I've spent more than 100+ hours learning) because a catastrophe happened today and I wasn't around to fix it. And if I'm honest in this confession, the person who emailed the rant about not having a backup for me could have fixed the problem if he'd have looked at the situation more closely. No worries though. I solved the problem even though I had taken today off to be at my friend's wedding.

So when the sealer started with saying, "It's good to be in the temple today..." I began to cry. It was so good to be in the temple, to feel the peace of the Spirit without being bogged down by worldly cares. He continued reminding us that the world would have us pursue wealth but the Lord reminds we should only seek that which is sufficient for our needs. I realized that so much of my time and decisions center around something that is fourth or fifth on my priority list. I've been praying the past few months to know what to do and how to change my situation. I don't have an answer, but I know the Lord is aware of my need. He sent a tender mercy my way today. One that was very much needed.

In One Week...

I'll be here. With no computer. Phone in the hotel room. Taking a real vacation.

Radio Silence

I've been lax in updating my blog. But I have a good reason. I'm in the middle of a project that needs tweaking. Since I'm very superstitious, I don't want to say too much until I have an end result. But I'm hopeful. It would be a huge change for me.

Other things that are demanding my time: work, work, and more work. My colleague went on maternity leave four weeks early at the first of May. My boss gave his two weeks notice the first of June. That equates to me doing three different jobs. I went on vacation with my family and had to work every day. I didn't submit anytime off for that week. I've traveled to Los Angeles and San Francisco for work and will be traveling to Minneapolis and Milwaukee next week. Gratefully I have a couple of vacations planned where I will be disconnected. I've told my co-workers that I will be leaving my laptop at work and my cell phone in the hotel room. Here's hoping for relief soon.

Quote of the Day

"Optimism is not so much about feeling happy, nor necessarily a belief that everything will be fine, but about how we respond when times get tough. Optimists tend to keep going, even when it seems as if the whole world is against them." —Elaine Fox, a psychologist at the University of Essex in England

I hope to be remembered as an optimist.

Holding On For Dear Life

I love xkcd. I'm a bit of a tech nerd and find their comics hilarious. But they also find a way to capture the human emotion. I find myself facing many decision right now and yet not knowing any of the options. So here I am holding on for dear life as I'm hurtled along life's path faster than I possibly know how to go. Here goes nothing...

Happy Father's Day!

I love this picture of my dad and me.

Read this article: 50 Rules for Dads of Daughters. I loved it. Reminded me so much of my dad.

I really have an amazing dad!

Sunday Reflections

To my renewed love of reading: Thank you. I've missed you. Sitting and reading a book, even one as dense as John Adams, for hours has been refreshing. It's also sparked some interesting dreams again.

To my dreams: If you are going to make a complicated love triangle, can you make sure to finish it the next night? I'm interested to see how this one plays out. Also, the science experiment the hot guy and I were working on last night was awesome. Keep it up.

To my dear friend: The 2 1/2 hour conversation made my day. Definitely need to do that more often. Glad to hear you are doing well.

To you who didn't call: You missed out.

To my former student: Thanks for the kind words. It's good to hear I'm still making a difference.

To my roommate: I love that you texted me from London. Live it up.

To the the crabby guy who emailed me at work: I don't know you. You don't know me. Was I really worth your time to make such a disparaging comment? I didn't think so.

To ABC Family: Thanks for making cheesy movies to watch on a Sunday night. Great contrast to the heavy reading (see above) I'm trying to finish before Wednesday.

To the chocolate chip cookies: Sorry I didn't have any eggs. But it was Sunday. Not going to the store. I'll have to make you tomorrow.

To my morning run: Only two more of you I have to do. Then I get to run because I want to.

To the half marathon on Saturday: Be kind.

To my lazy weekend: I don't remember the last time I had one. Felt nice not to be rushing from one thing to the next. Also, thank you clouds for making it overcast so I could finish my long run in spite of the 80 degree weather.

To my family and friends: You truly are amazing!

Copying What Works

I usually don't post things without my own commentary. However, today is an exception. I love this! Worth sharing without my thoughts getting in the way.

"Perhaps your anxiety is specific to magicians"

I found that quote in a strangely-translated instruction manual for an obscure but beautiful trick.

But it has wide applicability.

Perhaps your anxiety is specific to artists or musicians or to anyone who has to stand up and stand out and stand for something.

It turns out that your anxiety isn't specific at all. Perhaps it is due to the fact that you're trying to control things that you can't possibly control.

Your anxiety might merely be a sign that you care deeply about your work.

Anxiety is almost never a useful emotion to carry around. Even for magicians.

Now that you've been reminded that you care, it pays to let the anxiety go. Good riddance.

To Live Would Be an Awfully Big Adventure

My roommate and I were talking last night and she commented about the differences between our lives. She lamented that nothing random or crazy ever happened to her like they do me (see movie moment post). I laughed and told her that with all the fun also comes the trial. You can't experience all the wonderful moments life has to offer if you aren't willing to accept the adversity that comes with it too. Knowing the sweet cannot happen without the bitter. I love my life. Yes, it's been very difficult at times. But I've also had the most amazing experiences. Living, with all the ups and downs, has been my greatest adventure.

Once Upon a Time...

...a girl searched for answers to life. Everything unexpected came her way and life became a complicated mess. She wondered at the next step to take, the next turn to make, the next chasm to cross. While sitting at dinner deeply perplexed, an answer came as clear as the sun on a cloudless day. But what was asked made no sense to her. It couldn't happen. It shouldn't happen. Everyone would think she was crazy. One particular person would find her downright mad. Sleep escaped her that night as the answer weighed on her mind. Over and over again the debate played out until finally she succumbed and agreed. The next morning, she stepped into the dark unknown and began her journey. Someone was looking out for her as she traversed this path. Doors opened. Opportunities came. Miracles unfolded. And suddenly, she landed in a place she knew she needed to be but still wondered why. As events played out more insights came, more situations experienced, and more wonders unfolded. Overwhelmed did not begin to describe the feelings of gratitude or confusion she felt. A divine hand was definitely involved, even though the reason remained unclear. However, she trusted in that higher power and pressed forward little realizing the story had just begun...

Riddikulus

Sometimes I laugh at the things that pop out of my mouth. What I mean to say sounds so normal in my head, but when the words actually are said, they sound so ridiculous. Tonight I was out shopping with my roommate and while contemplating the inevitable purchase that we both knew was coming, these words slipped out: I really can't afford to buy this. I just bought a website today.

No. I didn't buy a website, but I did buy a domain name for a project I'm working on. Yes. I bought the outfit.

Why I Love My Job

Google Hangout with the marketing team

No Lasting Regrets

I read this article today and loved it so much. Great lessons to live by and explanation as to why I make the decisions I do. I'd rather fail miserably than wonder what if? about something. I have no idea what is around the corner for me right now, but whatever it is, it's going to be good.

“I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others expected of me.”

Many people will go to great lengths to avoid failure. I certainly get this; I don’t like to fail either. However, I hate to be stuck even more than failing.  If given the choice of failing or being stuck, I take failing.  You know why?  Because I believe that I’ll just dust myself off and try again. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just dust myself off…and try again. Rinse, lather, repeat. This is the way YOU need to think about life.  The bottom line is this: failing is not a great feeling, but it’s so much better than NOT going after your dream. At least you’re moving in SOME direction.  In the end, you won’t regret not being courageous enough to go after your dream. There will never be the perfect time to go after what you want— you just have to make right now the right time.

Lesson for the Day

I've had 14-15 hours of total sleep the past three nights. I'm physically and emotionally spent from the fun-filled weekend. As I was contemplating something that happened over the weekend and how I wanted to react, I saw this line hanging next to my desk: When in doubt, default to calm and kind. I'm not angry about anything, but that advice just hit me. No matter what the situation in life, that default button seems to be the best answer.

Movie Moment

I think at one time or another we've all hoped for that movie moment. You know the kind I'm talking about. The meet-cute where two people are brought together in an unlikely situation that couldn't have been planned by either of them. Well, I finally had my movie moment and it's so fun that I had to share.

I went to California this past weekend for a big mid-singles conference in Huntington Beach. I had low expectations. I had been involved with a guy in a weird sort of long distance situation but that recently ended. We weren't dating but we did have a lot of interaction. So I was going to the conference with an open mind and hoping to have some fun. 

I was late getting to the airport. Busy day and I misjudged timing. I got to the security line 30 minutes before my flight was scheduled to depart. Gratefully, I got through in 10 minutes and then ran to my gate which was the furthest possible place from the security line. I breathed a sigh of relief as I arrived to my gate and heard the announcement that our plane was delayed. Whew! I sat down and caught my breath and took a moment to relax.

When boarding was finally called for my flight, I got up and headed over towards the line. I heard a voice behind me ask hesitantly, "Annette?" For a brief second I thought nothing of it but remembered how often my sister and I have been mistaken for one another. I turned and saw a guy looking at me curiously. I realized the question came from him and replied, "No. But I'm her sister." We laughed and introduced ourselves to one another. He and my sister were in the same ward in the Bay area, and he told me later that he when saw me, he thought I looked like my sister but not exactly. If it was my sister, he didn't want to be rude and took a shot and said something. I'm glad he did.

Turns out we were both heading towards the same conference. As we walked towards the plane, he asked where I was staying and how I was getting there. I told him I was renting a car and I asked if he needed a ride. He did. He had planned on taking a cab but since he was staying so close to me it worked out for him to ride with me. I took my seat on the plane and it turns out he was sitting the row behind me. He changed seats with the person sitting by me and we talked most of the flight. Picked up the car the airport and talked all the way to his place as well. Charming, intelligent guy.

So do I have a movie ending? That remains to be seen. He has my number and I've seen him multiple times throughout the conference. Nice guy and we have things in common. But I realize how important it is for him to chase me. I learned that with the last guy—who by the way was at the conference as well (Definitely not interested in me anymore). It's nice to know that the Lord is constantly looking out for us and placing people in our way at the most opportune times. I also love that I finally had my movie moment.

Shockingly Rare

This image relates far too well to my current situation: job and dating. Can you guess where I fit with each one?

I Know How You Love a Good Adventure

Today, I realized I had the following in my car:

• tarp
• blanket
• jacket
• car emergency kit
• running clothes and shoes
• climbing clothes, shoes, and harness
• temple clothes and pencil skirt

What can I say? Just being prepared for any adventure that comes calling.