Something's Changed

September 2012 marked changes in my life. First, I decided I wanted to try something different with my hair and had highlights put in. I spent the next two months trying to decide if I liked it. My hair was much lighter and reminiscent of life in high school, but I felt it wasn't me anymore. Debatable topic. Even now, I still go back and forth on whether I like it or not.

Blonde highlights and new friends at Lake Tahoe

A second change is I finally succumbed to attending another mid-singles event. I went to one last May and though it was held in one of my favorite places in the world, the CA beach, other events occurred that marred my experience. A friend of mine convinced me to stay with his group this time and I felt comfortable enough to attend knowing I had a couple of friends I could rely on when I got overwhelmed with the large masses of people surrounding me. I ended up having a great time at Lake Tahoe and enjoyed meeting new people. A group of us ended up going on a 10-mile hike to this lake and it was absolutely worth the hours spent trudging up the mountain. Stunning! Needless to say, I'm glad I found the courage to escape to Tahoe that weekend.

Hiking

Lake Tahoe

New friends at Lake Tahoe

My first interview flyback also happened in September. McAfee (in San Jose area) first contacted me while I was at Tahoe and I had a phone interview with the hiring manager there. A had another round of interviews, which began the trend of me ducking out to my car or to my sister's place to take these types of calls. When they wanted me to come out and meet the team, I was thrilled hoping this may be my next opportunity. I was able to swing this with my current job because the entire team was out of the office in San Francisco for Dreamforce. My boss promised I could attend this event but backed out of that stating I needed to be in the office. Not true. Just another excuse. So off to California I went and worked it out so I could stay the weekend. The interview was interesting. Though it was a good company and a great opportunity, I didn't want it. It was not the job for me, yet it would get me out of a situation I didn't want to be in. Additionally, I spent the weekend with friends at their ward campout and met an entirely new group of people that would change my life. The result of that weekend was I decided I didn't want the job, but I did want to spend time with my California friends. Thus began my monthly trips to the Bay Area for my social life.

My favorite Bay Area couple

One thing did remain constant during this: trips to the mountains and spending time with my family. I am very grateful for the love and support of my family during the next eighteen months. Not only because my parents were out of the country, but because I had many difficult decisions ahead of me and they provided the insight I needed to choose between the paths in front of me. The most worthwhile advice came from my 12-year-old nephew. Love the simple understanding of the youth.

Mayfield Canyon

Cheesing it up for the camera

Cabin time

Brigham City Temple open house

My nephew Max and me

Leaving on a Jet Plane

It's interesting to be writing about August 2012 now because that was the month my parents left on their 19-month mission to Mexico City. They were initially called as the Area Medical Advisor and Assistant for the entire area of Mexico, which meant all the missions in Mexico. Half way through their mission, they were re-assigned to the new Mexico City MTC as the medical director. My dad helped build the clinic at that site and my mom took care of the materials for the 200+ Latin and Anglo missionaries that arrived each week. Reflecting back to when they left reminds me how busy we were as we prepared for them to leave, how much my sister and I did to take care of their house and finances, and how much I missed them. We had also few going away gatherings and family fun before they left.

Leaving for Mexico City

At my nephew's baptism

Max and Me

I've Always Loved the Idea of Summer

July 2012 stands out in my mind as the month I decided to start looking for a new job. I dusted off the resume (i.e. found the folder where I'd saved it), updated it with the latest and greatest, and started sending it out to random companies with random openings. Not very strategic. I know. It was my lame attempt at saying I was looking for a new job while still not sure exactly what I wanted. The rest of the month was spent traveling.

• 4th of July feels incomplete without a trip down to G-town and watching the hometown parade in the same place we've watched it the last 30+ years.
  
  
  
  
• Traveled to Minneapolis and Milwaukee for work. We made it out of Wisconsin right before this fierce storm overtook our plane.
  
• Sometimes you get stuck in a construction zone on an early Sunday morning in the middle of nowhere Utah.
  
• Spent the end of July with my brother and his family in Newport Beach. The beach feels like my second home. So many great memories with family there and more made this week. My only regret is I didn't take the entire week off and join his family at Disneyland. Lesson learned = family is more important than work.

Great way to start the morning

Searching for tide pools

Walks along the beach

Not a bad way to spend the day

My happy place

Good Form

I've been organizing the last few years of pictures into folders. Forgot about this. Excited to do more of this at our family reunion this summer.

Let Me Explain. No Let Me Summarize

Tonight I was looking at the last time I wrote on a consistent nature. June 2012. Interestingly, that's right when life got turned upside down. I decided that the next few posts will be recapping what I've been up to the past 1.5 years. Because as much as I love to make everyone think I've only been working that entire time, I did find a way to sneak in some fun.

June 2012

• Ran the Utah Valley Half Marathon with my brother (he actually ran the marathon) and sister-in-law. Finished under 2 hours! I actually hated the course. The asphalt was killer on my knees and I had a neuroma flair up in my foot so it was 13.1 miles of fighting through pain.

  

  Rich, Kaylene, Me, Lesa, Brent

• Spent the week in St. George with my family. Well, I spent most of the week. Half of it was working while everyone played. That didn't make for a happy me.

  

  Okay. I had some fun. :)

• Traveled to San Francisco for work and spent one day at LinkedIn. Now that's a cool company.
  
• Hiked Timp. Started at 5pm. Hiked fast. Got down at 1:30am. I would not recommend leaving that late or hike in June. I now understand why people wait until August. Walking on a frozen snow next to a cliff created quite the slippery situation. Grateful we all made it back safely. I was incredibly sore the next few days. More so than when I ran the half marathon the week before.

  

  Only 2 hours into the hike

Resolutions

I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions and what I should focus on this year. I remember years where I only had one goal the entire year. One year: to be nicer to others. I had quite the sarcastic, bitter streak in me that needed purging. Another year: to be more patient with others and myself. That required the Irish/Arabic/Viking in me to learn to control my temper and also to stop saying harmful things about myself. I'm still working on both those goals but being focused on one thing for the entire year helped spur the change that I needed. 2012's list rolled into 2013...and those propelled me into an adventure I could not even imagined!

After pondering a bit for this year, I realized my goal was to become more in tune with spiritual things. For that to happen, I need to spend less time with my tech gadgets and to have a list of alternatives so I don't default to playing games on my phone or watching TV. Here's what I came up with:

• Read more
• Write more
• Run more

Too generic? Good. I'm liking this non-specific resolution way of doing things.

Happy New Year!!

Family Vacation

Loved my family vacation this year. Beautiful scenery. Camping below Half Dome. Work couldn't get a hold of me for an entire week. Yep! Life is good.

Moment of Clarity

Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel appreciated...sort of, feel like an equal partner...some of the time, feel like nothing gets better than this...maybe? You've gotten comfortable. You know how to play the game. It's working...and yet it's not. That is my current work situation. Much like a dating relationship that's good but still lacking in key elements. You've given it a good nine months of honestly trying. Working hard. Giving all you have. Investing all of your time. Then one day you have a moment of clarity and you realize the other person in the relationship doesn't care one bit if you stay or go. Their words say stay, but their actions show ambivalence. So you start dating other companies. And opportunities fly out of nowhere, well obviously somewhere because you applied for them. Others want you and are willing to double your salary just to have you work for them. All of the sudden your current company starts to look like the lame "sit-on-the-couch and whine-about-life" kind of boyfriend. What you loved about the relationship in the beginning no longer exists. You know the realities of the "cool" guy/company that everyone thinks they want to date/join. Walking away becomes easier the more interviews you have. All of the sudden you remember what it's like to be chased. And even though you know your current relationship could get you fame, recognition, notoriety, you realize those things have never been that important to you. So welcome the first dates/interviews. Embrace the new opportunities. Don't let what feels "good enough" to you and what looks like the "perfect" relationship to the world stop you from finding something that matters so much more.

Freak Out Mode

Yes. That's me right now. I have a second round interview this afternoon and a first round coming up with the possibility of a third. I keep questioning why I want to leave my current job because I do enjoy what I do. Then I remember that worldly notoriety is not what I'm seeking. What I value more is my relationships with friends and family and my current work situation is not really allowing for that. Basically, I've been asked to limit my vacation time and to check in when I'm on vacation. That means I haven't had a real work-free vacation since July. I'm tired. So new job. But these new jobs are on the other side of the country. And I could really do them. And that's a lot of change. And I'm freaking out a bit that this could really be happening.

A Day/Week in the Life of Me...

Here is my schedule for the week. Sometimes my life seems glamorous to others and sometimes I agree. :)

• Sunday: Dinner with aunt, bring dinner to friend, girls night/sleepover with a different friend
• Monday: Work until 3:30pm, drive home and pack, drive to Deer Valley for a customer conference (I'm the customer and the other company is paying), dinner in Park City
• Tuesday: Breakfast at Deer Valley, morning session of conference, skiing at Deer Valley, dinner in Park City 
• Wednesday: Breakfast at Deer Valley, morning session of conference, snowmobiling in Park City, dinner in Park City
• Thursday: Drive to work from Park City, work a full day, do laundry
• Friday: Pack again, go to work, leave work at 3pm, drive to airport, fly to Orlando
• Saturday: Play at Universal Florida with my sisters, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew
• Sunday: Church and walk along the Florida coast
• Monday: Magic Kingdom at DisneyWorld
• Tuesday: Early morning flight home, work, then teach class at BYU

Moving Right Along

Right at the time I was offered the job in California, my roommate and I found the perfect place for us. We'd been looking for a new apartment/townhome for six months but could never find anything that fit both our needs. My roommate's must haves were covered parking, her own bathroom, and plenty of storage. I had to have a room big enough for my bed and desk, washer and dryer included, an open kitchen (I hate cooking in a cramped space), plenty of storage, and a flexible lease. The townhome we found had all we could want: washer and dryer, two bedrooms with attached bathrooms, a half bath on the main, an open kitchen, plenty of storage, a two car garage, and a month-to-month lease. Plus it was exactly in our price range (not even hitting the upper bound).

The whirlwind emotions I felt when we found this place overwhelmed me. We knew we had to snatch up this new place quickly if we wanted it and I had to figure out what to do with this job offer. I'm a believer that you have to make a decision and then ask the Lord if it's right before you get an answer. So, I stewed for a day or so and decided that I didn't want the job and I wanted to move even if it was only for a few months. I felt good about the decision and moved forward with it. It was difficult to move because we got the keys the day after I returned from Mexico and I was still sick with a cold. Gratefully my nieces and nephews, my aunt, and my brother-in-law all pitched in and helped me.

I love my new place! I've spent the past week unpacking boxes and organizing everything. Some of these things I haven't seen for over a year as they've sat packed in storage. All my kitchen stuff is included in that list. It was like Christmas day when I unpacked these things. My roommate laughed every time I said something like "I forgot I had this!" "Look! I own a toaster! I forgot I owned a toaster!" "Hey! Here's my aebleskiver pan!" etc., etc. Things aren't entirely perfect yet. We still have a few pictures to hang and boxes to unpack, but for the most part my new place is all put together. I really love having my own place.

View from my bedroom. I have a balcony!

My bedroom—vaulted ceilings & ceiling fan

Another bedroom angle

Walk-in closet

Spacious bathroom

Main room - You can see the front door off to the right.
I love the bay window!

The kitchen

Another kitchen view

What's New with You?

I've been in a rut lately. Not the "woe is me and isn't my life miserable" kind of place. More of the "life is good and I'm happy but I feel like I'm missing something" type.

Last July, I started looking for a new job. In September I had a job interview in the Bay Area and decided the job wasn't for me, but kept praying for some type of direction of the "what next" in my life. I had the impression to start traveling to the Bay Area for a social life. I had met some great people that let me stay with them and was able to go out once in October and twice in November. I loved it! I was making some great friends and starting to fill that void in my life. Plus I was able to be the answer to others' prayers.

Then another job opportunity popped up in December. The company was a startup in the Bay Area and seemed like a great option. I flew out for an interview and spent the weekend playing with friends. But I realized quickly this job wasn't for me. It started out being just social media, then marketing automation was added, and after the interview, my potential boss included managing and producing all their webinars. I felt like I was taking a step back to last summer when worked consumed every aspect of my life. So after long thought and fasting and prayer, I turned down the job.

In the midst of all of this, I've also been dating. Not the "dating" that my sisters and cousins joke about, but more like the "I'm dating and it comes with snacks" (Grey's Anatomy quote). I've had more dates traveling to California the past few months than I had here in Utah the past year. Life really has been good and I've grown a lot the past few months. But once again, a few kinks developed.

I realized traveling to the Bay Area was fun but not a lasting plan. Something had to change. I either needed to move there or come up with a more permanent solution. All of this happened at the same time I felt turning down the job was the better plan for me. I've been pondering on my life and seeking answers to my questions to figure out what that should be. In November, I fasted for direction and the response that came was I didn't need to know yet. Just keep taking one step at a time. Recently, I received a similar response: multiple answers will be needed along the way and each detail will come as needed.

Today I decided that I've been too narrow in my scope and too timid in my ambitions. My friends are willing to move permanently to Japan, take a job in remote area in Georgia, and buy a place in Boston without any idea of their futures. I'm still living timidly. To do and be more, I need to be willing to take a leap of faith. So, my job search has expanded drastically to cities across the country. I have no idea what's in store on the dating front because I feel like I'm at a dead end, but I know I have to trust the Lord in this.

As I said in the beginning, I'm not miserable. I'm very happy and blessed in my life. I'm just feeling that something more needs to happen and I'm trying to figure out what that "more" is for me. I'm planning on keeping you who read this updated because I have a feeling, it's going to be an incredible journey with lots of bumps, bruises, and excitement along the way. And with all that emotion, I need to know my family and friends are there with me.

Google Knows Everything...That I Tell It

Game Changing Woman

I read. A lot. Not books — and I should change that — but short articles from lots of different sites: Read Write Web, Big Think, Eloqua Blog, 85 Broads, etc.

The “founding members” of 85 Broads were women who worked for Goldman Sachs at 85 Broad Street in New York City. It now includes women from all over the world. Recently, they posted an article that really captures the power women have to make a difference. To all you women who read my blog, remember this when you're feeling down. To all you men, you're probably married to a game changing woman. Make sure you let her know that.

We’ve been getting this question fairly often lately. “What makes a woman a game changer?” In order to describe it more deeply than “Well, you know, she’s awesome.” We came up with a few ideas:

She has swagger. She is love. She can run four blocks in heels. She can run a marathon. She can swim bike run and/or play a musical instrument and/or change a tire all on her own. She’s independent. She’s warm. If she’s a mother/wife/girlfriend, it is to someone that she chose. Not because she needs a partner, but because they make her more herself. She laughs with her whole self. She breathes. Slowly. Sometimes to take it all in. Sometimes to keep from blowing up. She is courageous and fiery and ferocious if need be. She kisses boo boos. She can parallel park like a champion. She has an invisible crown, halo, superhero cape and magic wand. She takes the good with the bad. She goes after everything she wants in life. Without guilt. She leaves it all on the field. She gives it everything she has. She fails. She succeeds. Most importantly, she tries. She’s in the game. Not on the sidelines. She revels in quiet, calm stillness. She makes sure she is heard when she has something to say. She can be afraid, but respects fear and moves forward anyways. She makes babies. She makes money. She makes up her own mind about when and where and with whom to do both. She is joy, happiness, determination and perseverance all rolled into one. She is any and all of the above. She knows herself, loves herself and above all, she is always herself. She’s a game changer.

Completely Agree

I like December :)

They weren't the first but pretty darn close.

Eyes of a Child

Obviously I didn't continue my days of gratitude for November. Oh well. Not going back.

I realized that I've been missing out on something I love doing: writing and telling stories. My blog is the best place to do that because I don't want to be over-sharing on Facebook and for the most part, I know who reads my blog. So I'm trying to re-dedicate time to something I love and that is important to me.

Story time...

My sister and brother-in-law brought their kids to Disneyland and the beach for Thanksgiving. Yesterday my nephew shared with me their adventure and I got a kick out of his comments. In describing where they stayed he exclaimed, "It was a real hotel. Like a ho-ho-hotel. Not just a motel, but a hotel. It was like 10 stories high! And the breakfast buffet was so good. It had everything...like bacon!"

I just cracked up laughing. I guess we regularly stay in 2 story motels and the thought of having to ride the elevator to his room was a new experience. And what made the breakfast good to him was having bacon. Ah, the joys of an eight-year-old. Two days at Disneyland, a day at the beach, and bacon. But I have a hard time disagreeing with him. What's not to like?

A montage of pics from their beach trip

It's that time of year again, where I focus on the things I am grateful for. For all of you who have been looking for updates the past couple of months, you can count on them coming the next few weeks.

I am extremely grateful for my friends. The first of October I was in New York and Boston for work. While in New York, I met up with my MBA friends Ann Marie and Mathew; in Boston, Emily and I hit the town. My MBA friends are the best. Seriously.

Shake Shack in New York

Giacomo's in Boston

My good friend Mel had just moved Rhode Island. I decided to take a couple of days off since I was out there, and she and I were able to find a time to meet for the day. I had a blast spending the day with her and her family. No matter where she has lived, I've always been welcomed at her house. Kind, caring, and fun. Always a good time when I'm with Mel.

Cute girls in Rhode Island!

Peace of the Spirit

I've been struggling lately with a very difficult decision. I actually don't have to make this decision right now. But on Friday, a significant change could take place in my life and if that happens, I'm not sure what to choose. I wake up with a heavy heart, confused and uncertain. One moment of the day I hope to keep things as they are. Another moment, I'm ready to move two states away for a new adventure. Both appeal to me. Both will have great rewards. Both make me doubt what is best for me.

Today as I was sitting at work, peace finally flooded my soul. Oh what joy comes from feeling the Holy Ghost. What a miraculous and precious gift! A light in times of darkness. How I've craved the sweet spirit that I have felt the past hour.

I have no idea what will happen. No idea the end result. But I know the Lord is acutely aware of my needs and my struggle. All will be well. Thanks to all for your prayers. They have been a great source of strength.

(Rest of the story: I have a job interview that has gone from application, to first and second interviews, to a fly back in a matter of one week. If I get an offer, I have to choose between a job I really enjoy in a place I'm not too keen on right now and a job that could be good in a place that I've tried to move to for six years. Have no clue what to do if I get an offer.)

I'm Dizzy from the Ride

I've said it before. It's the unexpected that changes our lives. That seems to be a theme for me, but for once it would be nice to have expected things happen. None of this random out of the blue job interview right when things have finally gotten normal. None of this someone could be interested now but isn't doing a thing about it. None of this "Let's take you for a fun ride before something good comes." Can something come that isn't such a whirlwind? I guess if it's my life, the answer is no. Yes. This one is cryptic. Can't explain anything more right now. Need to go to bed. Heading out for the weekend and unfortunately I know craziness is going to ensue. Please pray that I will remain sane and that the Lord will guide me to do what I need to do and say what I need to say.

Bad Habit

I think we all have habits that we don't like. My problem is one of my worst habits doesn't bother me. I stay up late. Too late. Especially to get to work the next morning. I'm a night owl and find the evening cathartic. Everyone else is asleep and I can let my mind wonder as I do the most random things: cleaning my room, doing laundry, reading a book, catching up on my blog. Some of my favorite conversations have happened late at night. Just the two (or three or four) of us sitting under the night sky and talking about our life adventures.

It's almost midnight now and though I need to get some sleep (the 30 minute nap during sacrament meeting won't compensate for a few hours tonight), I don't want to. I want to reminisce about good times with friends and family: laughing under the night sky with my sister as her boyfriend sat quietly wondering what the two of us were giggling about; relaxing on a park bench with a dear friend talking about our hopes for the future and being reminded how much I miss him even though it's been six years since the accident; talking near the base of a mountain with the most unexpected; thinking about spiritual impressions and current events and what that means for my future; remembering the pure innocence of childhood and how much fun I had growing up.

Life is interesting isn't it? It's made up of all these different puzzle pieces that may not mean much when looked at individually, but when placed together the world becomes alive and your understanding of what has happened in the past only excites you for the future. I'm incredibly happy right now. No cryptic message or hidden meaning here. Just sitting in my front room reflecting on all the good things the Lord has brought my way.